That’s right – I mean you not him! Men tend to be the ones who back out of a relationship due to a fear of getting tied down, but it’s not always the case. If you are having trouble making a relationship last, or regularly make excuses to end things, you need to ask yourself if you might be the one with the fear of commitment.
Here are some reasons why you may be afraid.
You’ve Been Hurt Before
Maybe you thought you had the one in the past, the man you wanted to be your forever, but then it was over for one reason or the other. You’ve been hurt so badly, you find it hard to commit to another relationship. Maybe you still compare everyone you date to that first love and find it hard to find anyone who measures up to him. You need to give yourself time to heal properly before attempting another serious relationship. Rediscover yourself, find ways to be happy on your own, then, when you’re ready, go back into the dating world with no pressure.
It Feels So Permanent
You might just not be ready to settle down yet. Staying with just one person might scare you if you think you are stuck with him forever, especially if you haven’t had a chance to meet other people or date much. You may just need to give yourself time to get out there, date for a bit, meet different men, and then decide when you’re ready to start looking for something more long-lasting. This will also help you to discover who you are, what you want in a relationship, and enable you to be yourself when you do decide to go for something permanent.
You Feel Vulnerable
Committing to someone creates a certain level of vulnerability that can be scary. You’re leaving yourself open to the possibility of being hurt, being dependent on someone, or not being completely in control of everything in your life. There will come a time when you’ll want to let go and to follow your heart, but perhaps you’re not quite there yet. It takes strength to put away the fears and jump into a permanent relationship, but it can be so worth it if you open yourself up to it.
You Need the Rush
Committing to a relationship might scare you if you fear boredom. You might worry that sex will become routine, that you will run out of things to talk about, or that you’ll fall out of love. You want excitement in your life, novelty and change. But there are ways to keep a relationship alive and exciting if he’s worth it. Once you find someone special, you can work on keeping your relationship exciting without ending it and flitting to another man.
There May Be Something Better
Perhaps you fear that you’re selling yourself short in your current relationship even if it’s good – the idea that there may be something better out there. It’s true, there may be, but the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. No relationship, no guy is perfect. If you have a lot of doubts and you find yourself increasingly unhappy in the relationship you’re in, then you might be right—there may be something better. But give yourself a chance to find out first how good this one is and don’t run every time the smallest thing comes up. Work through it. Don’t settle for second best, but don’t expect such a high level of perfection that no one even gets close to measuring up.
You Have Other Things To Do First
Maybe you’ve created something of a life-plan, and you don’t want your relationship to get in your way. You don’t want it to affect your career or where you live, and the kind of freedom you have to achieve your ambitions. While it’s good to have goals in your life, it can help rather than hinder to have someone to share them with. You can still do the things you want to do, no matter who you are with. In any case, achieving your ambitions can be a hollow victory if you have no one to celebrate with. If he doesn’t support your dreams, perhaps you are wise not to commit, but if he does, you have nothing to fear and everything to gain.
Maybe your friends or family are pressuring you to “settle down”. Perhaps the man you’re currently with has given you an ultimatum and wants to have a commitment from you by a certain time. It’s no wonder you fear commitment if you’re being put under pressure when it comes to relationships. Listen to your heart and not everyone around you. Ask yourself what will make you happy, not what will make everyone else happy. It’s your life, not theirs.
You Like Being Alone
Maybe you just really want to be alone right now without the pressure of being responsible for another person’s happiness. Maybe you have things to sort out in your life, maybe you want to travel, study, or even just have time to focus on your own self-discovery, healing, or other issues that make you to want to be alone. Perhaps you just need time. There’s nothing wrong with stepping back and admitting that for now, alone is better. When you’re ready, you’ll commit if commitment is right for you.
Over to you: Have you ever felt afraid of commitment or know someone who has been afraid of it? Please share in the comments below.