After The Honeymoon, Do More Not Less

After all the fuss with the wedding and honeymoon has died down, many couples settle down hoping for a life of wedded bliss.

What to do after the honeymoonIf you lived together before the ceremony, there’s nothing really new to get used to other than the idea of being married. If you didn’t move in, there’s an inevitable period of settling in while you rub shoulders, and work out how to get along in close proximity 24/7.

But after that, what happens?

In a lot of marriages, things go downhill. Sometimes rapidly.

Many blame it on the expectations we have about relationships today. We expect to feel madly in love like the movies, all the time and forever, without working at it, and when the first flush of romance wears off, we wonder what hit us.

Others blame it on basic incompatibility, and choosing the wrong partner.

Both those things might be true, at least in some cases, but there’s also an insidious thing that happens in many (if not most) marriages and that is that we stop trying so hard to please each other.

You have the commitment of the man you love. He’s not going to run away any time soon. You feel safe and secure. But what happens over time – maybe not year one, or even year two, but after a few years?

  • Do you worry less about how you come across to him – after all he knows the real you, so what’s the point in being on your best behavior? (Example: do you nag and moan and bitch a lot more than you did when you were dating?)
  • Do you take less trouble to look good for him, because he knows what you are like when you are sick or hungover or tired or even just first thing in the morning? (Example: do you keep your legs smooth and fuzz free all through the winter like you did when you were going out with him? Do you bother to dress up a bit when you go out to dinner? Do you do more to look good, when you go out with your girlfriends, than you do for him?)
  • Do you do less for him because you simply don’t have the energy (For example: Do you still spend time cooking his favorite meals and take pains to set the table nicely for the two of you? Do you still look for little presents for him?)
  • Do you now feel OK about saying “No” to sex when you would have said “Yes”earlier in your relationship? (It’s not that you have to say “Yes” if you don’t want to – you have every right to say “No” – but do you turn him down because you can’t be bothered to work up the enthusiasm, more often than not).

If you’re just married and think “that will never happen to us” you’re right it may never happen, but that depends on you.  Many of us just stop trying so hard once we’ve been married for a few years, when really we should be doing MORE.

Your husband is stuck in this relationship – or at least at the back of your mind you think he is – while actually around 50% of all marriages come UNSTUCK for little more than the reasons that are piling up here.

In any case, even if he stays by your side, do you want him there because he feels stuck, or because he wants to be there 100% with you of his own free will, 100% happy with that idea.

I thought so!

So now that you’re married, keep your love affair with him going and save your marriage from becoming a statistic. Do all those things you did when you were dating. Heck, do more – otherwise it gets boring! Surprise him with loving gestures and ideas.

Refuse to get lulled into a sense of false security, because there is none. Never take him for granted. Treat him right (and insist he treats you right too) and keep your marriage spark alive forever.

Over to you: Do you have any tips on keeping the post honeymoon feeling going? Have you had a failed marriage that you think could have been saved? Please share in the comments below.

2 Responses to “After The Honeymoon, Do More Not Less”

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  1. Ruth Clark says:

    Hi Ana,
    I found your blog at Victoria Virgo’s Nice blog you have and while I don’t agree with all you say, I commend you for a well written article. Thanks for the advice.
    Ruth Clark recently posted…Eliminating Those Things That Hold Us Back

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