There’s a debate about this one. The question is should you send a thank you text after your first date if you want a second date?
I just watched a video by Rachel Greenwald author of “Have Him At Hello!” who conducted a poll of a thousand single men to get the data for her book and is quite adamant that you should NEVER send a thank you mail or text after a first date.
The reason is that sending a thank you text is a subtle form of pursuing a guy and men like to be the ones doing the chasing.
Rachel advises you should give your thanks at the end of the date and then leave it all up to him to get in contact, so that there’s a bit of mystery in the air about whether he’s going to be rejected or not. Apparently men think it’s nice if you send the text. They feel good about it. But they don’t feel good about you.
In general, I don’t like this kind of game playing and rule making in dating. People are all different and they don’t react in the same way to various ploys and tactics. I’m sure a thousand guys did not give the same answer to this question. And there have been other polls like this one that give the opposite advice with 87% of guys wanting a text from you.
I would say what you should do depends very much on the personality of the guy you’re dating and the situation.
With an extremely confident alpha-type who thinks a lot of himself, the thank you text will probably just massage his ego. He has no qualms about pursuing you if he wants to see you again and the thank you text makes you seem a bit desperate and a pushover to a guy like this. If you know you are dealing with a very confident guy, thank him at the end of the date then wait for him to contact you.
But if your date is the least bit shy and reserved, and especially if you’re not sure how clear you were that you liked him at the end of the date, I would say that the thank you text will be very welcome and encourage him to ask you out on a second date. He has nothing to fear by getting in touch because he knows you are going to be happy to hear from him.
If you’re going to text after your first date, keep it light and informal. You don’t want it to sound like a duty letter to a maiden aunt or to come on too strong like you are instantly smitten with him. Try something like “Thanks for fun dinner/coffee/time tonight/last night” and follow it up with something specific about the date that says you were paying attention for example “Loved your story about…” or “I wouldn’t have guessed you were a … fan like me” !
And after that one message leave it to him!
Here’s Rachel’s video if you want to see her advice on texting after the first date for yourself
Over to you: Are you a fan of the thank you text after a first date? Please share in the comments below.