Oh what a caring bunch we are, we women! We love a guy. We want to look after him. It’s a kind of instinct. It doesn’t necessarily extend to picking up his sweaty socks from the bedroom floor and washing them, but it can show up in all sorts of other ways.
And it’s not always good!
You see, most guys, especially those over 30, grew up with mothers who did most things for them. Their mothers looked after them when they were sick, cared for them or picked them up from school, cooked for them and washed up after them, fussed over them and made them do their homework – and even herded the socks into some kind of submission.
And maybe he is looking for a replacement mom – a new love of his life when he moves into his own place or gets married. That’s fair enough – but do you really want to be seen as his reliable, loving mother or his exciting “better not let this one get away, she’s too sexy” lover?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he loves it when you look after him. Who doesn’t like being spoiled by the love of their life? But it’s dangerous ground to go too far in that direction – especially if he doesn’t reciprocate with equally loving behavior. A few home cooked meals are not going to kill things off, but if he never cooks for you – you turned into his mother already!
Now why is it a problem that you love your guy to bits and want to care for him? Surely that’s a good thing?
The trouble is, it seems many guys are reluctant to ask for what they want in bed because they see their wives as some kind of pure, mother figure – not necessarily his mother (that would be weird) but as mother of his kids or just a motherly figure in general. That makes him dissatisfied with you at some level. He won’t necessarily stray, but there will always be something missing, something that he may not even be able to put his finger on.
For the sake of your love life, don’t become too motherly and that means not dressing like his mom or acting like his mom. In fact, avoiding too much mom-like behavior around him altogether! Save that for your kids.
And if you do happen to like cooking for him – simply because you like cooking – or you can’t help yourself wanting to look after him in every way you can, remember to balance it out with plenty of lover-like behavior.
That’s your safety net in all this!
If you take good care of him, but also knock his socks off in bed, he’ll never look on you as just a mom. I still don’t advise it because you’ll be exhausted by filling all those roles but at least you won’t do too much damage to your relationship!
But There’s Worse
It’s one thing to love your guy too much, but it’s another thing entirely if you are seeing your guy like a hopeless, helpless baby. That’s much more damaging to your relationship.
If you are the type of woman who does everything about the house not out of love but because she believes her guy is hopeless at everything and criticizes when he even tries, then you have fallen into this trap.
It’s surely not going to help your relationship in any way shape or form that you have so little respect for him and show it.
Any guy can learn to cook and do the dishes and who cares if it’s not to your standard? You have to give him a chance to get on with it and make his own mistakes. You weren’t born sorting white washing from dark either or with a mop in your hand. Give the guy a break.
This type of disrespect and belief that men are useless is built into our culture to some degree. It’s almost seen as the norm. Shows like “Married With Children”, “The Simpsons”, “Family Guy” and “Everybody Loves Raymond” make a joke out of a wife believing her husband is hopeless. True, it is exaggerated in these cases, but if they were not realistic to some degree, they would not be funny.
Don’t let your relationship turn into that kind of comedy shows scenario whatever you do! And if you’re in a mother/helpless child behavioral pattern already, then for goodness sake stop – it’s time to have a chat with your man, apologize for treating him in that way and make a fresh start.
So which are you? Mother or lover? The fewer you score on the left and the higher you score on the right the better.
|HIS MOTHER…||HIS LOVER…|
|Prefers home cooking||Takes him out to dinner and plays footsie under the table|
|Cooks all his favorite dishes||Introduces new exciting foods (and leaves mom to make the apple pie)|
|Wears an apron||Sometimes wears nothing but an apron|
|Cleans up after him||Employs a cleaning service and uses the time to take care of his other needs|
|Praises him, nags him||Teases him, flirts with him, flatters him|
|Washes his clothes||Tears off his clothes|
|Dresses for comfort||Dresses to turn him on|
|Tells him to get washed / not to get dirty||Gets him dirty and then shares a shower with him to get clean|
|Scolds him||Has a blazing row and then makeup sex|
|Bails him out financially||Expects him to manage his finances|
|Hugs him and kisses him on the cheek||Hugs him and kisses him all over|
|Gets him out of bed in the morning||Gets him INTO bed at any time and delays him getting out of bed in the morning|
|Tells him to eat his veggies||Tells him which part of her she’d like him to eat|
|Finds things that he loses and reminds him of tasks he has to do||Makes him lose his mind with love (or lust)|
|Uses baby talk||Talks dirty|
|Treats him like a kid, loves “her little boy” even when he’s naughty||Treats him like a man and loves it when he’s naughty with her|