Do the wrong type of men keep turning up in your life? You know the ones – those who don’t treat you right, who are not ready for a relationship or who can’t be trusted. If that happens more often than you’d like and you never seem to meet “the one” you might be asking yourself, why do I always attract men who end up leaving me hurt and alone? Is it me?
The truth is, there are men out there who really shouldn’t be trusted or who aren’t looking for a relationship. If he’s “wrong”, it’s because he’s the wrong kind of man. It’s not you causing these guys to “go bad” while other women could handle them!
But why do you feel like you keep fishing the wrong guys up while other women you know end up happy and in a stable relationship? That’s where you need to take a long hard look at what is going on.
Ask yourself these eight questions to see if there’s something you need to change.
Do I know what I want in a man?
Have you ever thought about who you’re really looking for? There’s no need to look for Mr. Perfect but if you don’t know what you want, you’ll never know when you find it! Who would you be happy to spend your life with? Give that some thought.
Although a degree of physical attraction is important, don’t focus on looks but on the type of character that you could trust your heart with: stable, caring, gentle, kind, etc. If you’re clear on what you want, you’re more likely to attract a man with those qualities.
Along with knowing what you want, it’s vital to be clear about what is absolutely unacceptable – think about what/who has hurt you in the past and anything you can’t live with. This list could include things like: he’s violent, he’s unfaithful, he’s married, he drinks too much, he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. Set some boundaries up front. Being vague about what is okay means you’re too willing to consider the wrong guys.
Do I know who I am, as well as what I have to offer?
If you’re unsure of yourself and what you need or want to get out of a relationship, you’re likely to fall for anyone. You don’t just need a boyfriend or lover, you need someone who fits into your life and enhances it, someone who shares your values and some of your interests.
Maybe you keep changing your preferences to accommodate guys just so that you can feel like you have something in common. Do you have a concept of how a relationship should work that puts you in an overly submissive or cowed position? It’s very important to have a strong sense of who you are, if you want to attract a man who truly fits into your life.
Am I looking for men in the wrong places?
If you seem to be routinely attracting men that aren’t good for you, maybe it’s time to start looking elsewhere. Consider going to different places from your usual haunts to meet men, changing your online dating profile, and avoiding men that are anything like the men you’ve had negative experiences with so far. If you need some ideas of where to meet great guys, I have just the book for you!
Am I sending the wrong signals?
Maybe you send the kind of signals that only invite the wrong sort of men, either in the way you dress, or you make yourself too easily available to them. What is your look and your behavior saying about you? Is it attractive to the type of guy you want in your life or only the guys you’ve attracted in the past?
If you feel you’re not attractive to the right guys, don’t worry, it’s not something fixed in stone. There are ways you can attract and keep Mr Right without too much effort. Click HERE for a FREE guide “How To Be Irresistible – Attract And Keep Him Forever”
Do I use a relationship for affirmation or approval?
If you feel that being with a guy somehow affirms who you are, you’re not looking for a relationship for the right reasons. Know that you’re valuable and what you do counts, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You don’t need a man in order to validate who you are or to get approval. You don’t need anyone else’s approval other than your own.
Some women grow up without the approval of an important male figure and that can make you especially susceptible to falling for guys who withhold approval. You repeat the pattern of trying to win their love (and failing) over and over again. But you’re an adult now and you don’t have to continue feeding destructive feelings once you recognize them. See this pattern for what it is, and get help if necessary to move on.
Do I have low self esteem?
If you don’t feel you are of value as a partner, you’ll always settle for less than you deserve. You have to believe you are worth more than the way these men have been treating you. If you’ve been with men who make you feel ugly, stupid, or worthless, it’s essential to work on your self esteem before diving headlong into another bad relationship. Every woman who has had a series of relationships that haven’t turned out well can benefit from loving herself more. You deserve a good man and there’s one (in fact a whole crowd of possibilities!) out there who will love and care for you like you want to be loved. Hold out for the real deal!
Am I so desperate to be in a relationship that I settle?
Are you going from relationship to relationship, even though they all end unhappily because you just can’t stand to be alone for any length of time? The idea of being in a romantic relationship is so compelling that you might be overlooking the fact that your guy is not the partner you hoped for. It’s asking for trouble if you’re willing to be in a relationship, any relationship, just so long as you’re not single.
Of course, there’s pressure from well-meaning family and friends who ask you all the time if you’re in a relationship (and that doesn’t help) but by being in a relationship with Mr Wrong you leave no space for the right guy to come into your life.
And it’s fine to be alone! Give yourself some time to breathe. Use that time to discover who you are, build up your self-esteem, and make that list of qualities that you’re looking for in a man. Just say no to being with a man if you see he’s not right for you.
Am I addicted to bad boys?
Some women lurch from one terrible relationship to the next. It seems so obvious to their friends that these men are not good for them, but the women themselves don’t see it so easily. Do you think you’re addicted like that? Maybe you are fascinated with the rush that comes from dating someone who “lives on the edge” and you have fun until things get ugly. You need to remember that your “bad boy” fun comes with a price – eventual heartbreak.
Or maybe you want to try to change people for the better, to somehow make a difference that way. Sure, you might be able to change a man and make a bad boy into a good man, but chances are slim, and it’s more likely you’ll keep getting hurt. If you have that nurturing nature, why not channel it into helping those who will appreciate your help? Volunteer at a homeless shelter, orphanage, or home for troubled youth. Then find a man who will support your ventures rather than one who needs to be transformed.
Over To You: Are you attracting all the wrong guys into your life? or have you been through a stage like that in the past? Please share in the comments below.