8 Reasons You Attract The Wrong Men

Do the wrong type of men keep turning up in your life? You know the ones – those who don’t treat you right, who are not ready for a relationship or who can’t be trusted. If that happens more often than you’d like and you never seem to meet “the one” you might be asking yourself, why do I always attract men who end up leaving me hurt and alone? Is it me?

Why do you attract the wrong men?The truth is, there are men out there who really shouldn’t be trusted or who aren’t looking for a relationship. If he’s “wrong”, it’s because he’s the wrong kind of man. It’s not you causing these guys to “go bad” while other women could handle them!

But why do you feel like you keep fishing the wrong guys up while other women you know end up happy and in a stable relationship? That’s where you need to take a long hard look at what is going on.

Ask yourself these eight questions to see if there’s something you need to change.


Do I know what I want in a man?

Have you ever thought about who you’re really looking for? There’s no need to look for Mr. Perfect but if you don’t know what you want, you’ll never know when you find it! Who would you be happy to spend your life with? Give that some thought.

Although a degree of physical attraction is important, don’t focus on looks but on the type of character that you could trust your heart with: stable, caring, gentle, kind, etc. If you’re clear on what you want, you’re more likely to attract a man with those qualities.

Along with knowing what you want, it’s vital to be clear about what is absolutely unacceptable – think about what/who has hurt you in the past and anything you can’t live with. This list could include things like: he’s violent, he’s unfaithful, he’s married, he drinks too much, he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. Set some boundaries up front. Being vague about what is okay means you’re too willing to consider the wrong guys.


Do I know who I am, as well as what I have to offer?

If you’re unsure of yourself and what you need or want to get out of a relationship, you’re likely to fall for anyone. You don’t just need a boyfriend or lover, you need someone who fits into your life and enhances it, someone who shares your values and some of your interests.

Maybe you keep changing your preferences to accommodate guys just so that you can feel like you have something in common. Do you have a concept of how a relationship should work that puts you in an overly submissive or cowed position? It’s very important to have a strong sense of who you are, if you want to attract a man who truly fits into your life.


Am I looking for men in the wrong places?

If you seem to be routinely attracting men that aren’t good for you, maybe it’s time to start looking elsewhere. Consider going to different places from your usual haunts to meet men, changing your online dating profile, and avoiding men that are anything like the men you’ve had negative experiences with so far. If you need some ideas of where to meet great guys, I have just the book for you!


Am I sending the wrong signals?

Maybe you send the kind of signals that only invite the wrong sort of men, either in the way you dress, or you make yourself too easily available to them. What is your look and your behavior saying about you? Is it attractive to the type of guy you want in your life or only the guys you’ve attracted in the past?

If you feel you’re not attractive to the right guys, don’t worry, it’s not something fixed in stone. There are ways you can attract and keep Mr Right without too much effort. Click HERE for a FREE guide “How To Be Irresistible – Attract And Keep Him Forever”


Do I use a relationship for affirmation or approval?

If you feel that being with a guy somehow affirms who you are, you’re not looking for a relationship for the right reasons. Know that you’re valuable and what you do counts, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You don’t need a man in order to validate who you are or to get approval. You don’t need anyone else’s approval other than your own.

Some women grow up without the approval of an important male figure and that can make you especially susceptible to falling for guys who withhold approval. You repeat the pattern of trying to win their love (and failing) over and over again. But you’re an adult now and you don’t have to continue feeding destructive feelings once you recognize them. See this pattern for what it is, and get help if necessary to move on.


Do I have low self esteem?

If you don’t feel you are of value as a partner, you’ll always settle for less than you deserve. You have to believe you are worth more than the way these men have been treating you. If you’ve been with men who make you feel ugly, stupid, or worthless, it’s essential to work on your self esteem before diving headlong into another bad relationship. Every woman who has had a series of relationships that haven’t turned out well can benefit from loving herself more. You deserve a good man and there’s one (in fact a whole crowd of possibilities!) out there who will love and care for you like you want to be loved. Hold out for the real deal!


Am I so desperate to be in a relationship that I settle?

Are you going from relationship to relationship, even though they all end unhappily because you just can’t stand to be alone for any length of time? The idea of being in a romantic relationship is so compelling that you might be overlooking the fact that your guy is not the partner you hoped for. It’s asking for trouble if you’re willing to be in a relationship, any relationship, just so long as you’re not single.

Of course, there’s pressure from well-meaning family and friends who ask you all the time if you’re in a relationship (and that doesn’t help) but by being in a relationship with Mr Wrong you leave no space for the right guy to come into your life.

And it’s fine to be alone! Give yourself some time to breathe. Use that time to discover who you are, build up your self-esteem, and make that list of qualities that you’re looking for in a man. Just say no to being with a man if you see he’s not right for you.


Am I addicted to bad boys?

Some women lurch from one terrible relationship to the next. It seems so obvious to their friends that these men are not good for them, but the women themselves don’t see it so easily. Do you think you’re addicted like that? Maybe you are fascinated with the rush that comes from dating someone who “lives on the edge” and you have fun until things get ugly. You need to remember that your “bad boy” fun comes with a price – eventual heartbreak.

Or maybe you want to try to change people for the better, to somehow make a difference that way. Sure, you might be able to change a man and make a bad boy into a good man, but chances are slim, and it’s more likely you’ll keep getting hurt. If you have that nurturing nature, why not channel it into helping those who will appreciate your help? Volunteer at a homeless shelter, orphanage, or home for troubled youth. Then find a man who will support your ventures rather than one who needs to be transformed.

Over To You: Are you attracting all the wrong guys into your life? or have you been through a stage like that in the past? Please share in the comments below.

Image Credit: © Depositphotos.com/Kuzmafoto

11 Responses to “8 Reasons You Attract The Wrong Men”

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  1. Samira says:

    I think the main reason is that a large portion of boys are not looking for a long relationship. Unfortunately, they don’t want to be responsible in a relationship.

  2. Thalia says:

    This post made me feel like I’m looking myself in the mirror. All these reasons are accurate and relatable. I always attract f boys, guys with no intention to date or at least respact me. I would sometimes feel like it’s my fault but no! I wear modestly, I’m a conservative Christian I don’t wear any makeup or drink or smoke but for some reason guys that approach me are always looking for sex on the first date or sexting with no intention of going out with me. Ot hurts me when a guy can’t even go out with me on the first date yet they want to keep sexting. It kills me when they ask for my booty pic because that’s all they’re after ?. But now I understand. Thank you so much

  3. Melissa says:

    I have been single a long time. I’m independent but get very lonely. I have tried dating. But I get intimate to quickly and after I lose it. I start thinking this is the one yet I hardly know them and they get scared of my attachment and run. I totally become someone else and become dependent upon them and lose my sense of self. So I remain alone and afraid to start a relationship with anyone. What’s my problem.

    • Ana says:

      Hi Melissa, you described your problem with perfect self awareness already. You are so lonely that you attach yourself too quickly. That’s understandable if you focus on one guy at a time and only see the best side he presents to you on a few dates. Why not try having fun for a while, seeing a few guys at the same time through internet dating and don’t let yourself fall for any of them until you know them well enough to see their worst faults? Even if you don’t want to date more than one guy at once, it sounds like you are attracted to the idea you have of the guy in your head before you even know him – that’s just physical attraction and it’s nice but it can’t be all you fall in love with if you want a lasting relationship. Even if you date and feel like “this is the one” don’t let yourself believe it or show your feelings until you are sure of them and have a good idea they are reciprocated. If getting physically intimate with a guy makes you feel too much too soon, put off sleeping with the guy until you feel more secure of your and his feelings and you won’t get so easily hurt. Maybe some of the guys you meet are only looking for a physical relationship and nothing more. If that’s the case, they are not for you anyway. You’re better off not getting attached to them in any way. Good luck! Love from Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  4. Leoni says:

    I use to be a women that will do anything for a guy to make them love me but then I lost who I was about. So I changed how I would meet a guy and whent on a dating site stating that I would like to be friends first and see where it goes from there. The guy was very charming but I had my guard up as I wasnt sure. It just felt to good to be true and then I let my guard down after 6 months. 3 months later he said he doesnt think he can commit and he just wants to hook up. In the relationship we whent on dates and away on short brakes but most of the time I felt like it was just a physical relationship. At first I questioned myself did I do something wrong could I of changed anything because I noticed most of my free time was on him as I get use to routine. I dont jump into another relationship after the other. I give my self time to get over the person. I just feel like I attract the wrong guys. So now I want to know if I’m doing something wrong but dont realise it?

    • Ana says:

      Hi Leoni I’m sorry I think I missed your comment earlier.

      It’s a good idea to be friends first, so you’re not wrong. The problem is that friends don’t have a physical relationship with each other. I’m not saying it’s wrong to get physical fast, but if you’re trying to get to know a guy as a friend first, then it’s confusing to both of you if you sleep with him before you decide you’re more than friends. And this is the important bit – you actually have the conversation with him about being more than friends. As it is, you’re getting more and more committed and he thinks he has a no-strings-attached friend with benefits. No wonder you feel hurt. Hope that helps (better late than never?) love Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  5. Hayam Rabie says:

    I am an Egyptian woman who lives in a liberated place in Egypt, I am kinda open minded free person and I guess most people here are like this. The problem is every guy I meet he so attracted to me in the beginning and he started defending himself as a good man and so on, but basically everyone I met either has some issues , be unwilling to settle down or either doesn’t know what he wants and of course he know exactly what I want. I’ve passed through lots of failed relationships that made me aspire more for the right person even though I act like I don’t care if there is a man in my life or not. When someone meets me at the beginning they say Am kinda scary and when I step into dating process or a relationship they find me cute and sweet and so on. But I don’t know why nothing works after that! I came to a conclusion that there’s something wrong even when I meet a good man and we feel something to each other things don’t go as I planned or as he promised! I am literally devastated and I always read in topics related to relationships and me and so on but nothing is working!
    Imagine having one of the best night with a man and it’s like you have all the connections needed and next day BOOM! it’s all gone and you don’t know why and you can’t even ask for an explanation..

    • Ana says:

      It sounds as if things are getting too intense too soon in your dating life. Is there a way of taking time to get to know the guy before you decide to like him so much you are (in your own words) devastated when it doesn’t work out? Keep things as casual as you can as long as you can, and have fun with dating rather than seeing it only as a means to a long term relationship. Ana
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  6. Erica says:

    I always attract guys who I believe they care about me, who I believe that wants me for me, they put this false sense of security on me. And on once i fall for them their true intentions comes to the light. They only want me for money sex , they want me to put a roof over thier head ,food in their belly. They want me to be their momma and a woman to sleep with. I get used at the time. When I express my feelings of being used by them they seem to blame me or its my fault. I attract guy’s who pretend to care about me to use me. I also attract narc’s as well. I am currently single. I finally got tired of being used and lied to. I just want to know how to avoid those type of men when I decide to date again. I don’t have a education, or a job. Any means to support myself. Or my child. I always putting men’s needs ahead of my own in my child

    • Ana says:

      Hi Erica, it seems to me that you suffer from not thinking much of yourself and that this feeling comes through in your relationships with men. If we don’t value ourselves then they won’t either. So work on your self worth before you even think about dating. Every person has the same worth as every other. You are no less than anyone else because you have no money or job. You have good qualities in your character and personality that transcend any monetary thing. You just need to find them and acknowledge them . And know that an man is lucky to have you. And if he doesn’t think so, send him off on his way. Good luck love from Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

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