Most men give pretty clear signals if they want to be with you. They phone you up and ask you out. They send and answer text messages. They find time to see you.
But what does it mean when that doesn’t happen? Usually it’s for one of three reasons
- he’s taking it for granted that you’ll do all the running and doesn’t care one way or the other
- he’s keeping you dangling until something better comes along, on the basis that any girlfriend is better than none, but he’s not going to go out of his way to see you unless he wants something
- he’s a bit of a coward about letting you know he’s no longer interested and has moved on. He’s hoping to avoid you until you finally get the message.
It’s quite rare that a lack of contact is unintentional. It’s true he might actually be very busy. His phone may be out of battery or having technical issues. He may not even be aware that he’s making you feel like he’s avoiding you.
But it’s unlikely.
Most guys (especially busy ones) are welded to their phones and charge them up religiously. And how long does it really take to send a text? If he doesn’t have ten seconds to spare for you, there’s not much hope he’s falling in love anytime soon.
But then perhaps he does contact you sometimes and answer some of your texts. Maybe you’re still dating now and again, just not as often as you’d like it to be. What then?
You can always ask him to clarify, especially if it hasn’t been happening for long and you’ve noticed a change. If the following symptoms persist though, for more than a week or two, you should probably take the hint and let him be. If he does want you back, he’ll be clear about it.
You Initiate All The Contact
Sure, there will be times when he’s busy and you tend to contact him first. But it should balance out. Leaving it to you to always take the first step signals that you’re not really on his list of priorities.
He Ignores Your Texts And Messages
Don’t overreact if it happens once or twice. But if you keep leaving messages and you never get a response, he’s obviously ignoring you. If you finally get through to him, and he tells you he hasn’t had time to go through his messages yet, or some other lame excuse, he’s definitely avoiding you.
Questions Are Answered With Questions
If he can’t give you a straight answer about where he’s been hiding and his response to your question is to ask another question, he’s giving you the brush off. He’s turning the conversation back to you to give himself time to think of an excuse. Focus on getting him to answer clearly, even if it means getting him to admit that it’s over. At least then you know for sure.
If his reasons for not being in touch start to sound more like excuses than plausible reasons, you can assume he’s trying to back away from you. His excuses might include “white” lies or distortions of the truth. But if he has time to update his Facebook status, he can message you. He may be out of phone range for some time, but it will show that he has missed calls and he can call back as soon as he’s back in range. If his excuses don’t carry any weight, he’s clearly avoiding you.
Not Acknowledging Your Presence
If you come across him at a party or bar or other social gathering, does he come right over an speak to you rather than waiting for you to come up to him? A guy who was keen would wave as soon as he notices you even if he’s deep in conversation, be happy to see you, get you a drink and introduce you to his friends. He won’t act like you’re not even there until you make yourself heard.
If he only calls you late at night and is suddenly keen to see you despite avoiding you at other times, it’s not that he’s suddenly remembered how much he likes you, it’s because he’s looking for a bed partner for the night and you’ll do. Only agree to see him in those circumstances, if you want to feel used. Booty calls might be fine if neither of you are emotional about them, but if you’re at the stage of wondering if he’s avoiding you, your emotions are already involved. Don’t make yourself feel worse.
Over to you: Have you had the experience of wondering if someone would ever call/return your message? Have you ever moved on by avoiding someone rather than have THAT conversation? Please share in the comments below.