Boredom is a dangerous state for any relationship. You think you’re okay, and in most cases you are, and everything works out fine. But sometimes (too often) if the excitement is missing for any length of time, it creates a gap that can be filled all too easily by an affair.
While there are times of excitement followed by times of quiet in almost every relationship, never let yours get into a rut that feels like it will last forever.
Here are some tips to keep your relationship buzzing, and if you’re already bored the sooner you start the better!
Do Something Spontaneous
After you’ve been together a while, he thinks he knows everything about you, and you think you know everything about him, but you can never know everything about another person. Surprise him with something he wasn’t expecting you to do to break the monotony. This might be tickets to watch his favorite team or a trip to Paris, depending on your budget. It might be something new in bed or something new for dinner. It doesn’t have to be a surprise that’s completely out of character, just something you feel like doing that you don’t normally do and that will please him. Wear a new color he’s never seen you in, buy some new sexy undies or suggest a walk after dinner when you’d normally just collapse on the sofa – anything.
Sometimes, going to a new place can bring life back into a relationship. Go on vacation together or just take a weekend off at a local motel or campground or visit a nearby city. Some couples will take at least one night every month away in order to keep things spicy. Don’t keep going back to the same place—that’s just creating a new habit. Instead, make the effort to regularly go somewhere new and interesting you’d both like.
Find Things To Talk About
Be on the lookout for interesting topics of conversation. If your dinner talk always revolves around your work day or the kids, change it. Find things that interest both of you and talk about them together. Stay on the lookout for new things to do, experience, or focus on. Go out of your way to make your life, not just your relationship, interesting so you always have something to talk about. Even reading a different newspaper can help.
When you first started dating, you probably had things you still wanted to do or experience in your lives. The danger is that you think you’ll always have time for those things, “later”. Why not create a list of things you’d like to still do, and work on making those things happen now. Maybe there’s a place you’d like to visit, a skill you’d like to learn, or even a meal you want to learn to cook. Doing or even just planning new things together will add excitement to the relationship.
Try Something New In Bed
Boredom in a relationship is often the result of boredom in the bedroom. If you feel like you’ve been doing the same thing for a long time, it’s never going to get any more exciting in bed unless you try something new. Talk about a fantasy that either of you would like to live out. Have sex in different places, at different times, or use props, games or role play in order to add spice. There is nothing wrong with wanting something new or different from time to time in your sex life, and bringing it up doesn’t mean that love is gone. Start a Sexy Bucket List together and then work your way through it.
Many women forget about the power of seduction to keep a man interested and stimulated in the relationship. When was the last time you served him dinner dressed only in lingerie, or joined him in the shower? Flirt with him unabashedly and see if you can’t stimulate all those feelings you had when you were first dating. Do all you can to be interesting and be sure and let him know how excited it makes you when he does things to seduce you. See How To Initiate Sex for more tips on seducing your guy.
Start Dating Again
If you’re not having regular dates, it’s time to start. Get dressed up, go somewhere romantic or exciting. Put in the effort to make the date something you look forward to and enjoy. Don’t go with an agenda of things you want to discuss. Just spend time together, have fun, and enjoy being in the presence of the man you love. For dating ideas see 108 First date Ideas (Great For Date Night Too) or if money is tight try 37 Free (Or Almost Free) Date Ideas.
When you’re regularly affectionate, touch, and acknowledge each others presence, you’re keeping things humming along. Everyone needs affection, not only the sexual type, but also just regular touches and hugs. These touches bring love into the relationship and can often lead to more, but more than anything, they show you’re there for each other. To keep things interesting, try showing affection in ways and at times your guy wouldn’t expect it.
You might be feeling bored simply because you’re not spending all that much time together. You work, have your projects, friends or hobbies, and your relationship is no longer top of your priorities. He’s there, but you’re not really interacting. See what you can adjust or change in order to focus on your time together, and then spend that time doing fun things together, completing projects or going out.
Focus on Yourself
As well as spending quality time together as a couple, it’s important that you also focus on yourselves. This may seem like a contradiction of the previous point but it’s a question of balance. If you’re bored with your life, your work or yourself, you’re probably pretty boring company too. You can’t imagine two exciting dynamic individuals who love each other ever getting bored with each other’s company, so aim to fulfill your part of that, at least. Make sure that you don’t spend every moment together, so that you each bring something fresh to the relationship.
When things all start to feel the same and the excitement is slipping in the relationship, look at your perspective. Do you spend a lot of time hashing out problems, talking about issues, or focusing on the negative? Not only your relationship, but life in general needs to be approached from a positive perspective. If you find yourselves dwelling a lot on the negative, consider making the effort to change how you look at things. Take time to laugh, even about problems, avoid people and situations that bring you down, and do what you can to maintain a positive attitude at home.
Talk About It
If either of you is already feeling bored in the relationship, talk about it rather than brushing it under the carpet, hoping you or he will just get over it. Take steps to bring that pizazz back into your lives. If you have been feeling like that for some time, and nothing you’ve tried has brought the spark back into your relationship, you may need to see a counselor and get professional help. Sometimes, having someone look at your relationship from an outside perspective can help you form new ideas and give you the kick you need to break out of the rut. Both of you will have to recognize that there is a problem and be willing to get help if nothing else works, but it’s worth it.
Over to you: Do you have any tips to beat boredom in your relationship? What do you do to keep things fresh. Please share in the comments below.
Great tips Ana! I love the idea of doing new things together. After you’ve been married for a long time, boredom definitely sets in.
Misty Spears recently posted…Cow’s Milk Alternatives for My Toddler
Thanks Misty. I’ll have been married 27 years this coming Friday and, after thinking about it for this article, I can honestly say I’ve never been bored. Sometimes I do follow my own tips 🙂
Ana recently posted…How Do You Know You Can Trust A Guy?
These are all excellent suggestions that I don’t do enough. I’ve pretty much given up on excitement. We almost need conversation cards to give us topics other than the usual day-to-day issues. Marriage is work and I haven’t been working lately.
Cathy Chung recently posted…Heaven and Earth
Thanks for sharing Cathy. I think we all need 48 hours every day these days to do everything we want to do. But it’s always worth working out what you are actually making time for in your day and therefore giving a higher priority than your marriage. That can be an eye-opener.
Ana recently posted…9 Signs of a Bad First Date
Some great advice , I think we get too comfortable and sometimes take relationships for granted.
Nayna Kanabar ( recently posted…Morrisons ~ on line Shop
Thanks Nayna. Taking anything for granted that we value is a dangerous thing. It can slip through our fingers before we know it…
Ana recently posted…Living Together Before Marriage
These are all really good tips. I agree that after being married for a while, that can happen. I’m taking some of your advice and we’re booking a river rafting trip for our anniversary and just two days ago, we went out on an impromptu date!
Salma recently posted…No Mommy Guilt
Excellent – have a great time – it sounds like fun 🙂 Thanks for your comment Salma
Ana recently posted…Turn A Bad Day Into A Good One