Why Does Breaking Up Feel So Bad When You Are The One To End It?

Whatever the reasons for breaking up with your guy, you probably spent a fair amount of time thinking about it, considering your options, and deciding it was the right thing to do. So, if you’re the one breaking up your relationship, why does it still hurt so much?

I broke it off with him. Why do I feel so bad?If you haven’t been through this experience, you would think it would be easier if you were the one ending things. And it’s true, you probably won’t be as heartbroken as you are when the love of your life does the deed. But there are still a lot of emotions that could hit you out of the blue.


You Still Care

If you still care even a little for the man you’re breaking up with, you’re likely to feel awful for a while.

You may even still be in love with the guy if you broke up with him because you it wasn’t in your own best interests to continue the relationship long term. Maybe the guy didn’t treat you right or ever show signs of wanting to commit to anything other than casual dates.

Even though the relationship wasn’t good for you and you know that it’s the best course of action, you might find yourself focusing on the positives and the happy times together after the break up. This can lead to questioning if you even made the right decision or if all this hurt is a sign that maybe you shouldn’t have broken it off.


You Miss Being In A Relationship

If you were not in love with the guy you were with, you’ll need to get used to being single again. You might feel relieved to have your freedom, but at the same time feel the loss of always having someone to spend time with.


You Feel Guilty

If you know the guy you just broke up with was in love with you, and is upset that you have parted, you may feel guilty that you hurt him.


Your Hopes Have Been Dashed

Whatever the reason for the break up, you may have had high hopes for the relationship at some point in the past. It’s disappointing to see a relationship bite the dust especially if you once thought you had a future together.

  • Bad feelings will get better with time. So, to a certain extent, you just have to hang in there and wait it out.
  • Don’t blame yourself or question your decision. If it was the best course of action, no amount of self-blame will help you to feel better about the breakup. Instead, focus on the reasons why you called it quits, even write it down if you need to, and keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing.
  • Don’t spend a lot of time listening to his excuses and get pulled back into a discussion about your relationship unless you seriously think it can be saved. Perhaps you’ve had those conversations before and rehashing it all won’t bring a different result.
  • Resist the temptation to call him, talk to him, or try to meet up again. Make a clean break and do everything you can so that he is no longer part of your life, at least at the beginning. Not all breakups need to be ugly, it is possible to still be friends with a man that you can’t be in a relationship with, but while feelings are still raw on either side, let it go, let him go, and try not to bump into him by staying away from the places you usually see him if you can avoid them.
  • If you’re hurting, don’t be in a rush to start dating again right away. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship and heal the hurts that it caused.
  • Don’t be afraid to spend some time crying, to admit it hurts, and even get mad and punch pillows or something that allows you to vent. But don’t dwell on it too long. Don’t keep bringing him up in conversation, listening to songs that were special to you, or looking over old pictures. You need to heal, and doing those things will only open the wounds again.
  • Don’t worry, you will feel better soon. It really is possible to find love again. Even if you never stop loving the man you had to break up with, you will have the opportunity to find happiness again. Remember you’re not going to find Mr Right when Mr Wrong is in the picture so you have done yourself a big favor and you’ll soon see that.

OVER TO YOU: Have you felt bad after breaking up with someone? How did things work out in the end? Please share in the comments below

8 Responses to “Why Does Breaking Up Feel So Bad When You Are The One To End It?”

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  1. Hayley Grotsky says:

    Yes I recently broke up with my boyfriend yesterday morning. I am feeling guilt. I really do care about him. I love him alot and I can’t get him out of my head. He is already out with another girl now. Idk if I can ever move on I miss him too much.

  2. Kellie says:

    I Broke up with my boyfriend today because I felt like he was controlling and always telling me what to do. But I still love him so much and I was so close to his family I can’t help but think what him and his family hate me. I feel so guilty and can’t stop crying x

    • Ana says:

      Hi Kellie I’m so sorry you’re feeling upset, but sounds as if you did the right thing if you want a partner who treats you as an equal. I’m sure you did not decide to break up lightly, so just give yourself time to adjust. You’ll feel better soon; it just doesn’t feel like it when you’re deep in grief. Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  3. Reisha says:

    I broke up with him day before yesterday because he did not like me wearing certain clothes and talking to other guys. Now he says he has changed his thinking. He really loves me a lot but i dont want to be controlled. I cant stop crying and he still texts me. What do i do. Should i give him a second chance. He says he will die without me.

    • Ana says:

      Did you talk to him about his controlling behavior already and he didn’t stop? And therefore you ended it? Or did the breakup come out of the blue for him? If you already talked to him, I would be wary of getting back together, because he has already had a chance to mend his ways and didn’t. Saying that he will die without you is trying to control you, too. In my experience people don’t change their thinking that easily. But I don’t know him as well as you. How controlling was he? Did he actually stop you wearing what you wanted or talking to who you wanted? Is he slightly jealous and might get over it as he grows in confidence in himself and you? Could you help build up his confidence? Or does he go into a rage about stuff and nothing you say will placate him?
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

      • Reisha says:

        He gets angry easily. I had told him to stop controlling me and he did stop. He still texts me saying that he is waiting for me. What do i do? I m so confused about it.

      • Ana says:

        I would steer clear of anyone with anger issues because I don’t like a lot of aggro in my life. Do you like that? It’s not what he wants or what he is is waiting for. It’s up to you to decide what and who you want to be part of your life. Ana x
        Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

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