When you break up with your guy, there’ll be a big mix of feelings and emotions going through you.
On the one hand, you might feel relieved, maybe you’re smiling again, and perhaps feeling optimistic about the future.
On the other hand, you might be feeling pangs of loneliness or guilt, and you might be tempted to call your ex.
Maybe you want to make sure he’s alright. If you’re the one who broke things up, you might feel responsible for him being miserable and want to check he’s not suffering too much, that he’s happy, and even moving on.
Doing this might feel like a good idea at the time to ease your conscience, but it can backfire in so many ways. If he’s still miserable, you’ll end up feeling more guilty, possibly guilty enough to consider meeting up again.
You might get an earful of apologies and excuses for the behavior that led to to the split. You could end up having to listen to a barrage of insults or put downs that you really don’t need.
On the other hand, he could sound like he’s doing really well. In which case, you could be hit with feelings of jealousy and anger that you’re still hurting about the break up and having to end things, while he seems to be over it too soon, as if your relationship meant nothing.
If he’s the one who broke things off, you could be tempted to call, just to hear his voice or you may be hoping that he has changed his mind. Perhaps you want to make your own excuses or apologies or make him feel guilty. Or you might feel that he deserves to hear what you really think of him and want to give him a piece of your mind in order to get it off your chest.
This can only end badly. He’s the one who ended things. He’s made up his mind and you’d do better to get used to it. Talking to him or complaining to him won’t change anything. It’ll probably be like water off a duck’s back and you’ll only feel worse that it made no difference. Rant to a friend if you need to, and forget about calling him.
The best course of action is to take his number off your phone completely to remove any temptation of a late-night or desperate call. You won’t have the option to drunk call or text him easily, which would be embarrassing and may get in the way of your own healing. If you don’t have his number to hand, it will much more difficult to get in touch. Also, ask your friends to stop you if they see you are tempted to get in touch.
It’s best to give yourself time to heal and move on. Put some space between you.
If you are convinced that you’re meant to be, but he broke things off, still don’t call. If you think he’ll regret breaking up and there isn’t anyone else for you, time will prove that. Trying to make something happen by calling for whatever reason won’t work.
Give yourself a break, delete his number, and find something else to occupy yourself. The healing process will happen faster if you make a clean cut. If he wants to resume things, he’ll get in touch.
Over to you: Have you ever been tempted to call an ex? How did that work for you? Please share in the comments below