Cuddling after making love? What’s not to like? One of the best things you can do after sex is to snuggle up together and enjoy the continuing feeling of closeness from the physical connection you just had. The longer you have been with your partner, the more you will generally want to feel that connection.
Cuddling is something that most women (but not all) tend to value more than guys but all of us like a cuddle at heart – though it’s generally true that women like to feel closer to their partner after sex and men to pull away and reclaim their separateness. He may also be suffering a bit from fatigue after the exertion of it all and have an overwhelming desire to sleep.
Good Bedroom Etiquette
Good male lovers know that they are expected to cuddle as part of good bedroom etiquette and so will usually fight the urge to sleep so that they can enjoy the afterglow with you.
If your man has not got that message, don’t let him just roll over, nod off and shut you out. If you want to cuddle for a few minutes, he’s got enough energy for that! Even if he nods off with you in his arms it’s better than if he turns his back on you. If he does tend to roll over and go straight to sleep, he needs to be gently guided into not doing it any more, if you like to cuddle! It’s a question of good manners and considering your feelings, but guys can be dense at times about stuff like that, so you might have to tell him. Just don’t take it to heart if he wants to sleep, because it’s a natural reaction and no reflection on you or what you mean to him.
It’s Those Hormones Again
As usual, this difference in male and female desires is all to do with hormones. After men and women reach orgasm, the hormone oxytocin floods the brain and makes us feel good. This hormone helps create feelings of intimacy and bonding with your partner and that makes women want to cuddle after sex. In men, the brain is less affected by the hormone because their brains have a higher level of testosterone as well as other chemicals that make sleepiness the overriding tendency.
Too Hot And sticky?
The only reason not to cuddle is if either of you are too hot and sweaty to enjoy it. Then you might want to disentangle yourself after a quick cuddle, cool down and clean up a bit first before you snuggle up. Just don’t be too quick to rush off and make him think that you hated how he got you dirty. See Washing After Sex. What Should You Do?
And If It’s You Who Doesn’t Want To Cuddle
Sometimes it’s the woman who doesn’t like to snuggle up after sex while her man does. Don’t worry if that’s the way you are naturally wired. There’s no real right and wrong way to be. We are not all built from the same prototype. But you should deal with the issue before it creates a problem if you have differing ideas about this.
- If it’s just that it’s too hot and sweaty and therefore not very pleasant to cuddle up, see above about cleaning up first.
- If it’s just that you’re not naturally inclined to cuddle, the important thing is to talk about it, if you think he is upset by your lack of desire to stay close, so that you can work out a compromise that suits both of you or at least reassure him that it is not anything he is doing wrong.
- And if it is because you have gone off him (but not off sex) then not wanting to cuddle may be a sign that you need to deal with the cracks in your relationship before they get worse. If either of you used to like a cuddle and have stopped recently then it is definitely time for remedial action.