You know how it is when you decide to lose weight. You want to feel better about yourself. You want to look and feel great. You think your guy will love the new you.
So how come it’s common for guys not to encourage you in your efforts?
Sometimes they gripe about your latest attempt, sometimes they tease about all the failed attempts that have gone before and sometimes, “horror of horrors,” they even bring home tempting treats for you that you can well do without.
Why is that?
If your guy is not over the moon that you are losing weight, one or more of the following reasons may ring true.
He Doesn’t Like Change
Perhaps he is worried that you’ll no longer be serving up the meals he likes or baking his favorite cakes or that you will never want to eat out with him at a restaurant. Perhaps he thinks you’ll have no time for him if you spend all your spare time at the gym.
Whatever the truth of it, he just needs reassurance that you are not going to upset the status quo just because you want to lose weight. Cook tasty meals that he would not dream are low in calories and serve yourself a smaller portion. Continue to go out with him now and again and just be careful what you order (or have one night off a week.) And make sure you still give him plenty of attention, especially on the days you exercise.
He thinks you might kick him to the curb if you get a gorgeous new body and the self-confidence that goes with that. He has visions of you wafting away into the sunset with some guy from accounts while he is left high and dry.
If you think this is the problem, he just needs reassurance that you still love him and that you want to get fit and slim to please him not anyone else (if that’s true!)
If he could do with losing weight too, he won’t like it if you slim down and he stays exactly where he is. You’re showing up his lack of willpower and affecting his sense of self.
You could encourage him to join you in your quest, but you’ll have to be subtle about it, otherwise he will see it as a further attack on him. Invite him to join you in a walk or game of tennis and take him dancing or swimming. Don’t brag about your successes. Ask him if he wants what you’re planning to eat or something else so that he feels like he’s making a choice. If you make the effort to find diet recipes where the food tastes even better than your normal fare, he won’t be able to resist!
He’s Trying To Control You
Loving you for yourself “exactly the way you are” does not mean insisting you stay the same forever. Someone who generally loves you would support your efforts when you are not happy with “exactly the way you are” and decide to do something about it. If he loved you for yourself, he wouldn’t try to control and undermine you.
It’s hard to tell the difference between him temporarily not supporting you because he’s spooked out by one of the above reasons or a deeper problem in your relationship. Think about whether this is the only example of him trying to control you and stop you doing what you want, and if it’s not, it’s time to think about the future of your relationship, or to get help to sort out the dynamics of it.
If you find your guy unhelpful, and he doesn’t support your diet, it may be something he’s doing subconsciously, rather than a mean attempt at sabotage. It’s time to let him know how much your success means to you and give him some ways he can make you happy by supporting you.
For example, you could ask him to book restaurants that have something other than 2000-calorie options, request that he treats you to flowers or a movie rather than bringing home chocolate, or suggest he helps you use up lots of energy in the bedroom. He’s quite likely to like at least one of those ideas!
Note from Ana: I’m on the 5:2 diet at the moment to lose a few pounds before summer and my husband has been very supportive because he’s joined me on it, even though he’s fine just as he is. Only thing is, I get 500 calories as a woman and he gets 600 calories as a man on the two diet days. It’s really hard when he has more food than me when I’m eating so little. This is one of those days. I may eat this blog post from hunger. LOL
Over to you: How does your guy react when you’re on a diet? Do you have any tips on making him more supportive? Guys, how do you feel when your partner goes on (yet another) diet? Please share in the comments below.