When men are first in love they are much better at making you feel gorgeous, sexy and loved with all those little gestures that mean so much. Later on in the relationship, they often return to type, and don’t give out the kind of signals you want them to give – the ones that make you feel wanted and attractive.
The little gifts and loving words usually dry up a bit over time and, if you’re not careful, that can be reflected in your love life, simply because it makes you feel less desirable and open to sex.
If men only knew the effect that those little gestures that take very little effort at all would have on their love life, they might be remember to make them more often! (Any guys reading this take note…)
But anyway, in the absence of hearts and flowers to put any spark back, what are you going to do?
You could spend your time resenting not being treated like you were when he was first in love with you, if you wish. And you’ll end up with a love life missing in action (if not stone dead). On the other hand, you could act like the grown woman you are, and realize that red roses do not a relationship make. Any numskull can buy roses, and it doesn’t make him a better man to hook up with.
I’m sure you’re not shallow enough to have fallen in love with a man because he bought you flowers or whispered a few sweet nothings in your ear, so why withdraw from him when he doesn’t?
Think of all his good qualities you now take for granted simply because you have enjoyed them without thinking about them for so long. Is that any worse than him forgetting to make those little gestures? If you need a memory jog about why you fell in love, take a look at “4 Ways To Boost Your Love Life By Remembering The Past“.
And once you have it clear in your head what this man really means to you, start showing him how much you appreciate him with loving gestures – things you think he will enjoy – probably not hearts and flowers – but a cold beer and tickets to the game or whatever he likes. And yes, sex – he is bound to appreciate that.
See the other articles in this series here: How To Bring The Spark Back Into A Relationship.
Once he gets the message that you are no longer taking him for granted, by all means mention that you’d like him to be more loving towards you too. Maybe he will do it automatically by realizing how good it feels when the shoe is on the other foot, but don’t bet on it.
Some women feel aggrieved if they have to ask. “He should know and just do it” is their refrain, but guys are often just muddling along in their own little world, not realizing that you are fuming inside, until you blow up like a volcano and then, bless ’em, they look all bemused and wonder what hit them.
Asking for what you want in your relationship is a powerful tool, as long as you ask in the right way. The right way may be by being teasing, playful or loving or it might just be a straightforward request, but in no way should you ask by nagging, being angry or critical of your man. Then he’s just going to get all defensive and dig in his heels.
You can always talk about the past and say, “Remember when we used to send each other notes/you used to buy me flowers/say “I love you” every day. It really made me feel all warm inside. I’d really like it if you started doing things like that again.”
And if, after a few attempts, he doesn’t get the message, don’t sweat the small stuff and get resentful, it’s not worth losing a good relationship over – as long as the relationship IS still good in other ways. If the embers are still there, you can bring the spark back by appreciating him and making him feel good, and just accepting deep down inside that he loves you. He may just not be good at gestures.