If you realize you’re falling out of love, don’t feel guilty. It’s Okay to change you mind about the guy who was once the love of your life. It happens to the best of us.
When you first meet a guy it’s easy to be blind-sided by physical chemistry into thinking that he’s perfect for you.
If you’re not careful you can superimpose all kinds of good attributes onto him in your mind. You give him the benefit of the doubt and ignore all the “red flags” that are waving in your direction.
Your desire to be in a relationship only adds fuel to the fire. It feels good to be part of a couple. It feels good to be “in love”. It feels good to know who you’ll be going out with every Saturday night.
Six months, two years or even a marriage later, you may be getting a wake up call as the rose-tinted glasses lose their coating and you see the real man you’re in a relationship with right before your eyes. This is reality and those red flags that were easy to ignore in the first flush of love are sure to pop up again. This time you notice them and wonder how you missed them before.
Sometimes it’s just a little blip in your relationship. The red flags are something you can work out between you or they represent something you can live with without too much stress. No one is perfect after all. And no relationship is going to be plain sailing all the way.
But if those worrying signs get stronger and stronger, and you feel more and more like you made a mistake, your best course of action is to change your mind about your guy and move on – no matter how much time you have been living in blissful ignorance about the reality of the situation up to this moment.
“But, hang on”, you cry, surely what we had is worth working through a few bad times?
It depends if what you thought you had is really what you had (and whether you can be happy with what you actually have in reality) or whether you’d be better to get out before things deteriorate and months and years go by when you’re less than happy with your guy.
If the red flags you’re now seeing involve him
- lying or cheating on you
- an ongoing addiction with no actual action on his part (as opposed to empty words) to recover
- criminal activity
- any kind of abuse
get support and get right out of there for the sake of your own self respect and sanity. There’s no reason to even debate whether you should change you mind about him once you know you are dealing with that kind of guy.
But it doesn’t have to be serious for you to change your mind, if you know in your heart of hearts you’re just not a good match and are not right for each other.
There’s no reason to stick with a guy who is not good for you just because
- you once thought things were settled
- your friends envy you being in a couple
- you’re disappointed that wonderful beginning didn’t turn out quite right
- you don’t want to upset the apple cart
- it will mean going back to being single on Saturday nights.
After falling out of love and knowing you have good reasons to break up, don’t prolong the agony. It’s unfair on you both. The sooner you accept it’s Okay to change your mind and get on with ending your relationship, the sooner you and he can get over the whole sorry situation.
You can take this unhappy task as a lesson to be a little more cautious next time when chemistry clouds your judgment – or maybe not – because chemistry has an awful way of making us forget what we know!
Over to you: Have you experienced falling out of love? How did you know you were no longer in love? Please share in the comments below.