We all know that looks count in the dating game – the first impression we make is all important and so we generally go out of our way to look our best when we’re looking for a new partner. But what happens after you are sure of him? It’s all too easy to let things slide and let your looks take a back seat , especially if kids come along and you’re looking after them, the house and have a job too.
Of course, you can’t stay looking 25 forever. And women are generally TOO hard on themselves in this regard. Too many women think they are not sexy any more, just because they have a few wrinkles or unwanted extra pounds around the middle. That’s not the case at all. You can look sexy at any age and weight. (See Body Confidence: How To Feel Sexy for exactly how to do that!) But it IS important to continue making the most of yourself, if you want to feel and look sexy.
That might seem like a contradiction. But it’s actually just a fine balance that you have to tread, if you want to show you value your relationship.
You see, you don’t have to be perfect, but you have to show you care about your appearance in whatever shape you’re in, because a woman who shows how little she cares for her looks shows that she cares little for how she looks to her man too. That’s not sexy for her or for him.
If your relationship has lost its spark, it may be that you are not showing your man that you want to be sexy for him. Perhaps you’ve let yourself go without even thinking about it.
Here’s a little test:
- Do you stop shaving your legs in winter “because no one will see them”?
- Have you stopped wearing makeup except when you go out because it’s not worth the effort?
- Do you slop around in old shapeless clothes that you would be ashamed to have anyone but your family see you in or spend all day in your PJs?
- Do you neglect to wash and style your hair some days (or even brush it) when you’re just staying in?
- Are your nails ragged or bitten until you go on a night out with the girls and then you shape and polish them or go the whole hog and get a gel manicure?
- Do you wear decent undies when you have a doctor’s or hospital appointment for a test and then wear graying or unmatched underwear when you’re at home?
If you answered yes to ANY of these (and to be honest, I can’t say I’m faultless there either – must do my legs!), do you see what message you’re giving your guy? You’re really saying that your guy deserves less effort than the general public. That can’t be right somehow! You are taking his love for granted.
See the other articles in this series here: How To Bring The Spark Back Into A Relationship.
By caring for your skin, your hair, your nails and always making the effort to look nice, you’re putting out a signal that you value yourself and that you value what your guy thinks of you. Both those things are important in any relationship.
It’s Between You And The Bathroom
A lot of the tedious process of looking good is not sexy, so it’s best done behind closed doors. He doesn’t need to know the effort you go through to look good, he just likes the final result! So keep things like waxing your legs, cutting your toenails, applying a face mask or bleaching your mustache a secret between you and your bathroom.
Whining Is Not Caring
Showing that you care about how you look by complaining about your size and shape or the state of your hair does not help the situation at all. I don’t think there’s a guy alive that is turned on by hearing about your insecurities. Confidence is much more attractive!
Every time you go on about the size of your butt or how you need to get your roots done, he is rolling his eyes in irritation. He might be lovely and reassuring on the outside, but you can be sure, inside his brain, his eyes are rolling. He hates this kind of talk. You can guarantee it.
So don’t go on about your perceived “faults”, simply get on with making the most of yourself in whatever way you can. You’ll look better. You’ll feel better. And although how you look is not the be all end all, it will help a million, if you are trying to put the spark back into your relationship. Like the ads say “You’re worth it!” Just act as if you are.
Funny post but it certainly rings true. It sure gives me a bit to think about and I must admit I’ve let a few things slide. Thanks for the wake up call.
Thanks Sage. It’s so easy to go from letting a few things slide to letting a lot of things slide. I have to stop myself getting lazy too…
i don’t even shave in the summer. ladies, if your man doesn’t have to do it to be attractive, neither should you
Whatever makes you feel good is fine by me 🙂
I like smooth skin and makeup, handbags and high heels – all stuff hubby doesn’t care to bother with.
On the other hand, there’s no such thing as equality or political correctness when it comes to sexual attraction. We’re attracted or not attracted and we can’t do much about that. But if a partner loves you just the way you are (and more importantly you love you that way) that’s great.
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