This is a guest post by Dr Janet Hall, a qualified sex therapist, clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist with a thriving practice in Australia.
Dr Jan has a practical attitude to relationship and sexual problems that is quite refreshing.
If you are having any kind of problems in this area, you can be sure Dr Jan has a guide to help you solve it!
It’s a more common problem for women to go off sex, but men have the problem too, and they have a much harder time admitting it, as guys think they are supposed to be ever ready, willing and able.
Here’s Dr Jan’s advice if your man no longer wants you, and you don’t want your sex life to dwindle into nothing (and potentially your relationship with it.)
by Dr Jan Hall
Your sex life is very important and if he stays permanently uninterested, your relationship will not last.
The Facts about Lack of Desire in Men
- Some men feel so stressed from work demands and a unhealthy lifestyle that they lose their sexual desire. Sex is perceived as ‘just one more chore.’
- Self-prescribed ‘stress reducers’ such as alcohol and marijuana, as well as tranquillizers and anti-hypertensive drags may increase depression and decrease desire for men.
- 45% of men surveyed felt that sex with an excessively sexually confident woman was intimidating.
- 38% of wives surveyed complained that they were not having enough sex.
The Most Common Difficulty for the Woman Whose Man has Lost His Desire
The woman often thinks his lack of interest in sex is her fault! She blames herself because she thinks she must be fat, the wrong shape, too old, too pushy, not pushy enough, not lovable, and he must be interested in another woman. Change this thought! It’s not your fault!
Common Obstacles to Overcoming His Lack Of Desire
- She feels humiliated, rejected and hurt.
- Some men withhold sex as a means of restoring the power balance.
- Fear of Commitment. Some men avoid sex because they’re anxious regarding the possibility that intimacy will be overwhelming and/or entrapment.
- She tries to analyze him, mind-read and be his therapist.
- He fears performance failure. It’s easier to avoid sex rather than have his penis let him down.
Positive Things To Do
- Stop blaming yourself!!
- Don’t overspend your money trying to be sexy and beautiful for him.
- Study books on male female differences like “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”, so that you know how to acknowledge your man and build up his ego.
- Back off! Keep the relationship light and fun
- If you must analyze him, don’t tell him! Talk to your therapist or your girlfriends. And don’t verbally beat him up.
- Don’t pressure him for sex. Do touch him intensely and sensually in ways that he likes. Reassure him that you love oral sex and mutual masturbation and that intercourse isn’t everything in making love.
- Encourage him to see a sex therapist by himself. (If you go too, he’ll feel even more pressured and high anxiety will lead to even poorer sexual performance.)
If you would like more help with this see Dr Jan’s full guide “How to Spark Up Your Man’s Sexual Desire.”
The audio format has a helpful self-hypnosis section not available in the e-book.