A lot of dating gurus talk about the three date rule, where you don’t sleep with a guy until the third date. But if you are looking for a long term relationship, there’s no such thing as a particular number of dates where you should be thinking “Tonight’s the night!”
Just because he takes you out three times does not mean he cares for you. Plenty of guys are happy to wait three dates for sex.
Though most guys are hoping for sex right from the first date, they accept that it’s not going to happen most of the time.
You can pretty much guarantee that he wants sex with women he finds attractive, and will make a bit of an effort to get it, so you can take his willingness to date you three times out of the equation.
Of course, if you just want sex as well, there’s nothing in this day and age that says you can’t have sex on a first date or any date after that. But if you want to have meaningful sex that you hope will be the start of something bigger, you need a better sign than he took you out three times.
Meaningful sex is about having an emotional connection with someone. It’s when you mean something more to him than someone to have fun with on a date. He might like you and find you attractive. He might be happy to go out with you, but do you mean anything to him? That’s another level.
Do you think your date wants to sleep with you because he wants to connect more deeply with you, or is it just because he likes you and wants sex?
If his actions show that he’s hooked on you emotionally as well as sexually then you are reaching that point where sex becomes more meaningful. Look for clues like
- he considers you in his plans and actions
- he contacts you just to chat
- he cares what you think of him
- he confides in you
- he’s stopped dating and chasing other women
- he makes an effort to see you
- he misses you when you can’t see him
- he’s generous and supportive – he seems to be “on your side”
- he includes you in more and more of his life
And don’t forget your feelings too. If you’re looking for meaningful romance, don’t rush things. Women tend to give guys the benefit of the doubt too readily because they are desperate for a deep connection with someone, only to find a few months down the line that they should have listened to their intuition, and the guy was not worth it.
Give yourself a chance to get to know him. Make sure you like what you find out about his character and values before you go head over heels. You can get to know someone very quickly in a few long dates where you really talk about things that matter, or it may take more time if your dates consist of nothing more than superficial chit-chat and watching movies.
As for sex, there’s no need to make him feel rejected. Let him know you find him sexy even if you’re not sleeping with him (yet). Once you decide he’s into you emotionally and you are into him, that’s when the time is about right.
Over to you: When do you think the time is right? Do you think three dates is enough to make a connection or does it not matter? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.