Romance is something sought after, even pined for, by women everywhere. Countless movies have been made to give us an idea of what romance is about. As a result, we dream of candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and soft music playing in the background as our guy takes us in his arms and murmurs sweet nothings.
Cut! Stop right there! He’s not doing it! He’s sitting on the couch watching a ball game with his feet on the living room table. He won’t respond to texts. He’s hanging out with his buddies and coming back home smelling like smoke and beer. That’s not any sane woman’s idea of romance.
If you guy does not seem to have inherited the romance gene, you can feel a bit defeated and worried about your relationship. Why do the guys in the movies get it, and he doesn’t? What’s wrong with you?
The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with either of you.
It’s just that most guys are not naturally romantic in the way movies have us believe. If you want your guy to be more romantic, you have to work at it.
So many women have the idea that romance is an absolute must for a relationship to function. That’s not so, but romance can be cultivated, if you want it.
So What Can You Do?
Create A Romantic Atmosphere
If you want candles, soft music and chilled wine to feel romantic, make it happen. That’s how your guy will get what your mood is, and learn over time what you need to feel loving. He might even do it himself at some point, if you show him the way (and how good it can be when you are in a romantic mood!)
Plan Romantic Dates
There are plenty of ways to be romantic as a couple, but don’t expect a man to think of them all (or even any). The male mind doesn’t work like that. Spontaneity is a great thing in romance, but if he’s just not there yet, plan ahead and let him know what you’re planning.
If you want a romantic night out, tell him. Book the restaurant, and decide where you want to go after the meal – for a movie, moonlight walk, or scenic drive. There’s nothing unromantic about making things happen. Chances are he’ll enjoy those dates as much as you, and if he gets an idea of the kind of things you like, he’ll be happier to plan dates himself in the future.
- if you think a walk in the rain is romantic, grab your man next time it rains and get him to go with you Once he sees how much fun it is – and how sexy you look all wet like that, he might be the one initiating next time.
- if you want to have a romantic picnic, prepare the food and ask him to come up with a location.
- If you want to walk on a beach with him at midnight, grab some brochures and start planning a future trip.
Men don’t tend to get the little things in life. Their ever-logical mind might not see why it’s important to respond to a text message. He’ll just assume you know he got it. He might not even get it that you are worried if he didn’t get in touch, if he’s late. These are things to tell him in a patient way. Understand that it might take him some time to get it.
If you want him to do something romantic, you might as well tell him and see it done, than drop a hint and hope he’ll pick it up. Most likely, he won’t. You can tell him, “I think it’s romantic when you do such and such. Can you try to do something romantic with me this week?” Give him a few ideas, written if he wants that, and you might very well see your dreams come true. If you don’t ask him, the chances of anything romantic from a guy who isn’t that way inclined, are so remote that they might as well be non-existent.
And if you think asking him will ruin the romance, you’re wrong. (Says she who spent last weekend on a very romantic break in a castle in Scotland after a “Wouldn’t it be nice to go here?” discussion.)
If he does anything remotely romantic reward him accordingly. Thank him for making the effort and kiss him like you mean it. If his romantic gesture makes you feel in the mood, put on your sexiest lingerie and make love to him in a way that makes him feel it was worth the effort. That way, you might see more romantic gestures in the future. Once your guy realizes he can get what makes him happy, out of making you happy, he’ll be more likely to try.
Make It Count
When thanking your guy, just thank him. If you thank him in a way that implies that he has come up short in the past, it can have the opposite effect to the one you want. If you ask why he can’t be like this more often, after he has arranged a romantic dinner out, all he hears is that he can’t do anything right, so why try?
Broaden Your Definition
Don’t let your idea of romance be dominated by movies, fairy tales, and coffee gossip with your girlfriends. There are things that you might not consider romantic, that are his way of showing he loves you.
- the twinkle he gets in his eye when he compliments your cooking
- the way he works hard to add to the family income
- when he takes out the trash without being asked
- when he showers before bed so that he smells nice after a long day
- when he brings you coffee in the morning
- when he wraps his arms around you while you watch a movie on the couch.
See it all those little loving gestures as romantic and you’ll have much more romance in your life.
What If Nothing Works?
If your guy is not showing that he cares for you in ANY way, no amount of articles telling you how to make a guy be more romantic are going to help.
If he’s really not reacting to you any more, and if you try the tips here and, perhaps, those in the series on bringing the spark back into a relationship, but nothing changes, it’s time to look at the relationship as a whole and decide if there’s anything worth saving. Get professional help with answering that question if need be. Movie type romantic gestures are not necessarily part of a good relationship but caring about the things that matter to you and gestures that show each other you care, certainly are.
YOUR TURN: Have you found ways to make your guy be more romantic? If you have, spill the beans! Or maybe you have found one of those rare romantic guys. What is the most romantic thing he has done? PLEASE COMMENT BELOW