Yesterday, in The Five To One Relationship Secret I wrote about how it was okay to have arguments and fights with your partner as long as the positive things going on in your marriage or relationship outweighed the negative by a factor of five to one in both number and intensity.
Basically your relationship can survive a few fights if you’re generally loving towards each other and enjoy your time together.
I then started to wonder how this could help in other areas of our lives.
I think it could work in all kinds of relationships with family and friends. At least it can where you both have an interest in maintaining the health of the relationship, perhaps not so much in casual friendships where one exchange of harsh words might be enough to finish it.
Then I thought about the most important relationship. The one you have with yourself.
Most of us are far more harsh with ourselves than we would ever be with anyone else. We are the only ones that we would ever call ugly, stupid, fat or lazy. We would never dream of saying those unkind words to a friend or even a stranger. Yet so often there’s a strong voice of disapproval or even disgust in our heads that threatens our self-esteem and keeps us from feeling good about ourselves.
How would it be if we applied the five to one rule here? It would mean paying ourselves so many compliments that it negates all kinds of harsh words or punishing treatment. Our self-talk would give us encouragement, coaching and support rather than constant carping criticism.
That would surely improve the relationship we have with our bodies and ourselves.
It can be difficult to squash negative thoughts. Sometimes they come into our heads automatically. But if you instantly follow each negative thought with five positive ones about yourself, you can undo the damage and stop the negativity spiraling out of control.
I think this is worth a go, especially if self-esteem or poor body image is an issue for you. If you find it a challenge to say nice things about yourself five times more than nasty ones, then it is definitely an issue!
There are a lot of simple strategies to improve your self confidence in my new books below if you want to be much happier with yourself. You can pick up the third one “Rock-Solid Confidence Step By Step: How To Be Confident And Happy With Yourself” FREE if you buy either of the other two in either Kindle or paperback format.
Click on any of the pics below to see the books on Amazon.
Over To You: Do you tend to speak harshly to yourself? What do you do to squash that evil, unfriendly voice in your head? If you have any tips on how to love yourself more, please share in the comments below.
This topic must be weighing hard on many people’s lives now. I am writing a series on how I’m working at gaining back my self-worth and self-esteem. I really enjoyed this post because you’re right we would never dream of talking about others the way we do about ourselves.
Crystal Green recently posted…If Iâm Averageâ¦. Then what is Our World Coming To?
Thanks for sharing Crystal. I do think that self-esteem has taken a dive in general with the cult of the celebrity and mass media where photos are manipulated to make us believe the beautiful people are naturally perfect. Also in social media everyone (not just celebrities) shows the highlights of their lives and we compare that with our everyday existence.
Ana recently posted…Why Does It Feel Like All The Good Men Are Taken?
This is such good advise, I know I ma always putting my self down and instead of thinking of good things about my self.I will try your advise.
Nayna Kanabar ( recently posted…Lemon Drizzle Cake ~Eggless
Thanks Nayna. I’m sure your friends think nice things about you all the time. Maybe you can think about what they would say to you.
Ana recently posted…How To Be More Confident In Three Steps
5 positives can seem an awful lot when you’re feeling negative but definitely worth trying!
Visiting from the Ultimate Blog Challenge 🙂
Lisa from Lisa’s Life recently posted…Unsilent Sunday: 13th April 2014
I think if you just start with one nice thing it gets you out of the negative thought spiral and you might then find it easier to find numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5. Maybe not all the time. But it can help shift the balance from negative to positive over time. Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts Lisa.
Ana recently posted…Why Does It Feel Like All The Good Men Are Taken?
I used to put myself down in my head but not anymore. My advice is to be aware when you are starting to talk negative about yourself and try to stop that thought. In time, with practice, it really works and you’ll hear those gremlins less and less 🙂 Thanks Ana for your always wonderful tips!
Delia recently posted…Pinterest tip: When looks are not deceiving
That’s good advice! Thanks Delia
Ana recently posted…Does Love at First Sight Exist?
I love this post, it’s so true!
Someone said to me a while back, if you had a friend who spoke to you the way you often speak to yourself, you would tell them where to go!
Thanks for joining in my gratitude linky!
(I’d love for you to join in with the Weekend Blog Hop one of these weekends!)
Single Mother Ahoy recently posted…Weekend Blog Hop 2014-04-26
Thanks! I think I just joined in your Weekend Blog Hop for this week 🙂
Ana recently posted…Dating Dangers: Is He Too Good To Be True?