Yesterday, in The Five To One Relationship Secret I wrote about how it was okay to have arguments and fights with your partner as long as the positive things going on in your marriage or relationship outweighed the negative by a factor of five to one in both number and intensity.
Basically your relationship can survive a few fights if you’re generally loving towards each other and enjoy your time together.
I then started to wonder how this could help in other areas of our lives.
I think it could work in all kinds of relationships with family and friends. At least it can where you both have an interest in maintaining the health of the relationship, perhaps not so much in casual friendships where one exchange of harsh words might be enough to finish it.
Then I thought about the most important relationship. The one you have with yourself.
Most of us are far more harsh with ourselves than we would ever be with anyone else. We are the only ones that we would ever call ugly, stupid, fat or lazy. We would never dream of saying those unkind words to a friend or even a stranger. Yet so often there’s a strong voice of disapproval or even disgust in our heads that threatens our self-esteem and keeps us from feeling good about ourselves.
How would it be if we applied the five to one rule here? It would mean paying ourselves so many compliments that it negates all kinds of harsh words or punishing treatment. Our self-talk would give us encouragement, coaching and support rather than constant carping criticism.
That would surely improve the relationship we have with our bodies and ourselves.
It can be difficult to squash negative thoughts. Sometimes they come into our heads automatically. But if you instantly follow each negative thought with five positive ones about yourself, you can undo the damage and stop the negativity spiraling out of control.
I think this is worth a go, especially if self-esteem or poor body image is an issue for you. If you find it a challenge to say nice things about yourself five times more than nasty ones, then it is definitely an issue!
There are a lot of simple strategies to improve your self confidence in my new books below if you want to be much happier with yourself. You can pick up the third one “Rock-Solid Confidence Step By Step: How To Be Confident And Happy With Yourself” FREE if you buy either of the other two in either Kindle or paperback format.
Click on any of the pics below to see the books on Amazon.
Over To You: Do you tend to speak harshly to yourself? What do you do to squash that evil, unfriendly voice in your head? If you have any tips on how to love yourself more, please share in the comments below.