What do you mean you don’t have time for sex? If you want to keep the spark in your love life alive, (or reignite a flame that shows signs of going out), you have to make time. Not having time is a major cause of things going wrong in your love life. Other things take priority and before you know it you haven’t touched each other for weeks.
But getting to the top of the career ladder or making the best cake at the school bake sale is not going to keep you warm in bed at night. There’s a lot to be said for a “quality quickie” if you are pressed for time, but mind-blowingly good sex needs more than the occasional quickie.
It may be that you’re not making time because sex has got dull and boring. It’s just not worth spending your precious time on getting passionate any more when you’re not getting much out of the experience. If that’s the case, you’ll find plenty of ideas in this series to put the spark back into your love life, but if a lack of time for sex is the real issue, what can you do to make time?
Set Aside Time For Sex In Your Schedule
Call it date night, if you like, in your diaries but make sure your other half knows what you have in mind. Anticipation is part of the pleasure. Date night can start off with a date, as long as the date itself doesn’t mean you end up going to bed so late you fall asleep as soon as your head touches the pillow. If you can, make sex your date and bed your destination! Set a date as many times a week as you like – there’s no need to restrict it to one if you can manage more time together. And if you can get away, just the two of you, for whole weekends of passion, so much better. Sometimes all that takes is deciding to do it and booking it (book family as babysitters too, if necessary)! You’ll be glad you did.
Drop The Honey Do List/Nagging
Of course, sex relies on your man having time too. But generally men don’t need so much persuasion to drop their To Do List (do most of them even have one?) and get busy between the sheets. The problem may be more that you want him to do a whole load of chores before you even think about sex.
I know there are always tons of jobs that need doing around any house but do you really want a set of shelves putting up more than you want the best sex of your life? If you do then there’s a problem with your sex drive not with your time scheduling! The Honey Do list can be outsourced to a reliable handyman while you keep your man handy for other activities. Or keep a sexy bucket/Honey Do list that is much more fun – even if the house drops to bits. In any case, make time for sex first, and then, if there’s time to spare, work together on the must-be-done items on the Honey Do list and get those jobs out of the way.
By the way – if it’s your man saying he’s too busy to have sex rather than you, it’s time for a serious relationship talk to find out what is going on. It may be he’s just under a lot of stress or has got carried away with his career aspirations. On the other hand, it may be a sign that things are going wrong between the two of you somewhere. It’s not something to sweep under the carpet in any case. Good intimate sex is important for the future of your relationship.
How About Morning Sex?
If you seem to run out of time by the end of the day, resolve to wake up before your man and surprise him with sex. He’s sure to be more than ready, especially if you wake him with your mouth! Sex first thing is more difficult if you’re not a morning person, but if you are, you can have some great times before the day even starts and still get to work and the kids to school on time. And in any case, it’s worth learning to wake a little earlier, if it’s the only time you’ve got.
Pockets of time often get wasted. Do you use every one of the 168 hours you have every week on activities that are better than sex? I thought not. There’s no need to be in bed to initiate sex. If you have half an hour to spare and you’re at a loose end (or even if you’re not) use it. If your child goes for a nap during the day, use it – and not to unpack the dishwasher. Remember what your priorities are.
Sometimes the problem is not so much how much time you have as getting time alone with your man. Get your kids used to going to bed early and actually staying in their own beds! Being kind but firm about bed times and returning them to bed, if they get up in the night, rather than letting them join you in yours goes a long way with this. If you find you can’t relax enough for sex because your kids might pay a visit at an inopportune moment, a lock on the door will help and give you time to get respectable before you answer your child’s call. If kids tend to disturb you later on, you might find the best time for sex is as soon as the kids are asleep. Don’t waste the evening watching TV. That’s what the “record” button is for.
See the other articles in this series here: How To Bring The Spark Back Into A Relationship.
Foreplay In Your Head
Even if you never find time for long sessions of passionate sex you can still enjoy them – in your head. While you are cooking dinner, standing in line, getting home from work – and yes, emptying the dishwasher ( I suppose it has to be done sometime) you can be thinking about what you would like to do later. So much good sex is in your imagination that you can get yourself nicely worked up without your man even being there, and when you do get it together later, you can have the most passionate encounter without spending oodles of time getting into the groove.
Push Past Tiredness.
You might be looking for a time when you are both feeling ready for sex and that can be hard to find when you end the day exhausted. But sex can energize rather than drain you, if you make the effort and push past your fatigue. And let’s face it, after a mind-blowing climax, you’ll sleep like a log and wake happier and full of beans. If you feel you’re too tired to make the effort, offer or ask for a back rub rather than full sex, lose yourself in the moment and see where things lead.