Marriage Tip: Are You Doing Too Much?

Women are great at working themselves to the point of exhaustion.

Are You Doing Too Much?We have our work that we value and wouldn’t want to give up. We have our kids that need to be loved and cared for. We have our home that we want to look good and standards to keep up as far as cleaning and tidying are concerned. We have the laundry. We have our friends and our social lives.

And last but not least (though sometimes it feels like it) we have our husbands to love and make time for.

Somewhere in all that we need to look good, exercise and make time for ourselves too. No wonder we’re frazzled, and sometimes bad tempered.

No wonder we feel resentful about all we have to do at times.

the danger of doing too much

The problem is that any degree of festering resentment makes us less loving and, in the end, it can destroy a marriage.

Not overnight of course.

You may not be in any danger yet, but ongoing barbed comments, nagging and moods are sure to wear away loving feelings over time until you’re in danger of splitting up, especially if the resentment is not balanced with plenty of loving gestures and a healthy sex life.

Whose fault is it?

You probably blame him for a lot your stress. You wouldn’t have so much to do if he did his fair share. You wouldn’t be a nagging wife if he hadn’t turned you into one.

But is it really his fault?

Modern life is stressful and busy, for sure. But you are the one who somehow took on responsibility for everything you have on your plate. You did that to yourself and so you are responsible for sorting it out.

Complaining is not enough

You have to take action. You need to step back from some of what you are doing. See article What To Do Instead Of Nagging for help with the chore issue because conflict over chores is such a passion killer.

But this is really not just about the chores

If your whole life is one mega-round of activity, it’s not healthy, and not just for your relationship and family. It’s not healthy for you.

You’re doing too much and you’re not giving yourself time to simply be.

You’re not giving yourself time to love.

You have become, as I once heard relationship coach Sheila Paxton say, a human doing instead of a human being.

Think about all the needless activity that has crept into your life that is making you more stressed than you need to be. Maybe you signed up your kids for endless activities. They need time to simply be too. Maybe you joined committees you don’t have time for or have taken on more work than you can possibly cope with.

The big question

Look at it this way, which of the activities you do today and that you’re not prepared to give up are as important to you as your marriage?

If you look at it that way I hope there are not many.

Over to you: Are you busy to the point of resentment at times? I know I was when the kids were young and until I started working from home. What is the solution for you? Please share in the comments below.

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10 Responses to “Marriage Tip: Are You Doing Too Much?”

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  1. I agree, there are lot of things one needs to prioritize for a healthy relationship.Career decisions play an integral part here.
    Vinodini Iyer recently posted…Across balconies~A cute kinda love story~

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Vinodini. The career aspect is an interesting one for many. Women fought so hard for the right to have a career and are loath to make it take a back seat, but sometimes I think we just won the right to be exhausted! I know when I was a project manager with two young kids my career sometimes took precedence over my relationship. We’re still married so it survived but I’m not sure, looking back, whether that was how I should have prioritized my life at the time.
      Ana recently posted…You Are Perfect Just As You Are

  2. Oh I know I do too much, but so does my husband. We are busy all the time, but it works. We have four grown kids and they are busy people too. I think I would be bored otherwise.

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for your comment Jennifer. I think we’re all capable of different levels of being busy. Your level is set high! It’s like stress. What one person finds highly stressful doesn’t bother another one at all. As long as it works and you or your husband are not resentful or quietly seething about how much you have to do (or how little you see each other) there’s no problem with doing too much.
      Ana recently posted…37 Free (or Almost Free) Date Ideas

  3. Sophie Bowns says:

    I’m not married, but I very much enjoyed reading your tips!
    Sophie Bowns recently posted…Teddy- Chapter 6

  4. Good tips Ana. I find what works for us is to talk about stuff more, share what’s on your mind both good and not so good.
    Marilyn Thompson recently posted…Choosing Your Words

  5. Misty Spears says:

    I’m definitely guilty of doing too much and yes, absolutely it has brought a bit of resentment and sometimes an all out war with my husband. We’ve definitely improved since we’ve actually become aware of it and recognized it for what it is and have worked together to try and stop it, but it still happens occasionally.
    Misty Spears recently posted…Chalk Painted Furniture Waxing Basics

    • Ana says:

      Awareness really helps and is the first step in resolving any problem just like you’ve found Misty. Hope you manage to keep your level of work in check and have plenty of good times with him to counterbalance the stressful times 🙂 I can remember screaming at my husband a few years ago that I didn’t want to go on vacation because there was just too much to do with organizing, and packing and laundering and ironing and arranging foreign travel insurance for us and the car and currency and food for the journey and goodness knows what else – I was running a full-time job at the time too. I suggested in my resentment and at the top of my voice he should just go with the kids and leave me in peace. Luckily he started to do his bit at that point LOL
      Ana recently posted…How To Flirt With Your Husband

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