Many of us were brought up with the idea that nice girls are not supposed to like sex.
If your parents tutted when anything slightly risqué came on TV (or switched off the set), if sex was never talked about or your religion forbade it, then you might have the idea at the back of your mind (even buried deeply inside your head somewhere) that you shouldn’t enjoy it.
And that feeling might remain with you even once you are married with kids and have had plenty of sex to get over it. It’s there in your hang ups about making a noise and your inhibitions about trying new things and talking to your partner about what you’d like to try.
I don’t remember my parents frowning about sex – it just wasn’t ever a topic that was discussed – and it wasn’t really on TV much when I was a kid but the teenage mags I devoured every week often had themes about “not giving in” and described how girls who did got a reputation and regretted it.
That kind of double standard still operates to some extent today. The guy who has a lot of sex is admired for his ability to pick up and bed women. The women he picks up are apparently not so admirable.
Whatever your thoughts about sex outside a loving relationship, all you need to decide is what is right for you and follow your own standards. The problem comes when you are following your own standards and yet you’re unable to enjoy sex because your subconscious has other ideas.
If, at the back of your mind, you’re not sure what you’re doing is right (multiple partners, cheating on someone, sex before you really want it in a relationship) then it might be time to listen to what your subconscious is saying and take notice. You’ll be happier if you do.
Otherwise, don’t listen to it. Give those ideas the boot. They are not wanted here.
How To Get Over Your Inhibitions
Here are ten steps to try if you would like to bring out your inner bad girl and be wilder in bed leaving your guilt and inhibitions behind.
Note: This will not be easy if you have suffered sexual trauma or abuse in the past, as it may prevent you enjoying sex. Be sure and handle those issues through therapy first before putting any more pressure on yourself.
Tell Yourself It’s Only Natural
Remember that it’s natural for women to enjoy sex. Our bodies have evolved in such as way that it is pleasurable for us. No other female animal has the equivalent of a clitoris so don’t waste it. Make the most of what nature gave you!
Go Slowly And Gradually
If you normally don’t make a sound when making love, don’t start shrieking at the top of your voice. You’ll give your partner (and maybe yourself) a fright. Moan a bit, whisper in your lover’s ear how good whatever he is doing feels (if it does) and progress from there! Expand your repertoire bit by bit. Why not create a sexy bucket list of experiences that gradually increase in intensity so that you can work through them one by one and enjoy crossing them off your list.
Let your partner know that you feel you are a bit inhibited and ask him to help you push the boundaries a bit. Most guys will be quite keen on offering assistance! Tell him some of the things you’d like to try or just talk in general terms if you’re too shy for that and ask him for suggestions.
One of the easiest ways to loosen your inhibitions is by having fun together and playing a few bedroom games. It’s surprising what you feel able to do because the turn of a card or the roll of the dice says so! You may enjoy role play too as it allows you to step outside yourself in the spirit of getting into the part. See Bedroom Games To Add Fun To Your Love Life for easy ways to introduce games into your relationship.
Wine and champagne are well known for helping to loosen inhibitions so a little wine with dinner may help relax you for an evening of passion. It’s important not to get too reliant on it though. That way you can be passionate first thing in the morning or when you have to drive too!
If you read contemporary romance novels you’ll soon get the idea that women everywhere are having fantastic uninhibited sex with men they love. That probably happens more often in novels than in real life but it’s good to get the idea that the great sex life you want is normal. It is! If novels are not your thing, (or even if they are) read a good sex manual like “The Guide to Getting It On” by Paul Joannides to set your mind at rest about what good girls are actually up to and enjoying very much!
The Power Of Massage
If you struggle to get into your body during sex and to really lose yourself, you might find massage a great help. You can practice feeling sensual in a safe environment. Start by having a professional massage at a spa and then progress to receiving a massage from your partner and giving one in return. Enjoy the pleasure of touch without sex so that you can get more into your body when making love.
Think About Sex
Instead of banishing “naughty” thoughts from your head, consciously think about sex at least twice a day so that you get comfortable with the idea. Think about what you could do with your partner if he was with you or imagine what you will do with him later. Be as uninhibited in your thoughts as you can be, as that will help you become less inhibited in reality.
Give the “Good Girl” The Boot
If you find yourself thinking “I shouldn’t do that” or “I could never do that” about some sexual experience you’d secretly like to try, say to yourself “Of course, I can and I’m going to enjoy it” and imagine the fun you’ll have when you do.
If You Fear You Won’t Enjoy It
If you’re frightened to try something new in case you don’t enjoy it and your man then expects that kind of sex from you, don’t worry. All couples, who enjoy great sex, experiment in this way. Simply make it clear you’d like to explore something before you do it to find out if you like it and then see how it goes. In many cases you will enjoy the experience and you’ll be glad you pushed your boundaries. Other times it won’t do anything for you and you will be able to say that it wasn’t for you. Guys are turned on by seeing you enjoying yourself so it’s unlikely he’ll want to repeat the experiment – at least not in the same way – again, though he may suggest some ways to make it work in which case, try those too! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!