I came across an article online yesterday that has a hugely important message for those of us looking for love (and probably for those of us who have found it too).
If there’s one thing that can make a difference in all our lives, it’s confidence and a feeling that we are valuable just as we are.
There’s a huge army of people out there who want to see you improve yourself – everything from dietitians to fitness instructors to self help gurus.
Wanting to improve ourselves is a great idea, don’t get me wrong, but our motivation for that should not be because we are unacceptable as we are. It should be because we want to be the best we can be!
Here’s the dating tip article I found. As it has permission to reprint, I’ve added it in its entirety here. I loved the crumpled up money idea.
By Nichole White
There’s one thing you must not ever do when dating. But before I tell you what it is, here’s a quick activity for you.
Take a large denomination bill out of your purse, say a $100 bill, or even a $50 or $20 if you have either of those. The biggest amount you have handy.
Now take this bill and crumple it up. Really crush it. Now drop it on the floor and step on it. Stomp on it if you’ve got some aggression to get off your chest.
Now, pick it up and smooth it out.
Does this bill still have value? Can you still go and spend it at a local store? Sure you can!
It’s a bit dirty, maybe a bit torn, and it’s feelings are probably hurt, but it’s perfectly good.
That’s you. No matter what you’ve been through, what others have said, or done, you still have immense value. You may have been bullied a bit in your own life, told you weren’t any good, or even abused, but you’re still important.
So why do I mention that? The worst mistake I’ve ever seen a woman commit when dating is devaluing herself and forgetting her worth. I hear this phrase a lot: “I don’t think I’m worthy of somebody good so I settle for whatever I can get.”
Devaluing yourself usually leads to desperation and settling for a guy who is in no way your equal or a good match. Sometimes it even leads to getting into a relationship with an abuser… either physical or emotional. A poor match often leads to a miserable existence for one or both partners involved.
How do you keep from devaluing yourself while dating?
Don’t be afraid to walk away. Ever heard the negotiation tip about not being so desperate that you can walk away from the table if need be? Dating is a negotiation of sorts and that advice works well.
In fact, not only do you have many choices other than the guys that treat you like crap, you have the ultimate trump card in your back pocket… you can also be with NOBODY and still be fine. It’s okay to be single. Ask the guys..being single can be A LOT of fun if you just let it.
Don’t take this so seriously. Yes, dating and marriage are serious because you could potentially end up with the wrong person and end up unhappy. But this is one of life’s many experiences and even if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. You won’t die. And since you won’t die, you might as well have fun with this phase of life just as you would with any other.
Remember who you are.You’re a great woman who deserves a great man, nothing less. If someone has a problem with you being confident, yet choosy, that’s their problem, not yours. Your life is yours to live and no one will suffer from the consequences of bad choices but you. Make your OWN choices, not someone else’s.
Look for the man that respects you for your worth, and you’ll never make that dating error ever again.
Note from Ana: It’s no secret that I think this whole concept of valuing yourself is so important I’m writing a series of books on confidence, with three published so far and more to come. You can see them here, and you can currently get a free downloadable copy of “Rock Solid Confidence” with the purchase of either of the other books. Click on the book covers to see them on Amazon.com.
Over to you: Do you value yourself enough? If you do, did you have to learn that the hard way, through experience? Please share in the comments below.