Sometimes it’s the simple things that make the most difference in life, in relationships, in everything and unfortunately they are easy to forget in the heat of the moment when you’re seeing red or upset about something.
Whatever is going on in your head, remember to treat your guy with respect.
Respect is one of those things that we need to feel good about ourselves – and we seek it out right from when we are kids looking for approval from our parents.
If you show you don’t respect your guy by using harsh words and criticism (even if you really don’t mean them), that will hurt. (And the closer you are, the more he loves you, the more it hurts.)
If you keep doing this, he’ll eventually have only two choices
- to stop valuing you (and your opinions) as much as he did. He’ll start to love you less to preserve his own feeling of self worth
- to believe your low opinions of him and stop valuing himself as much, losing confidence in himself and becoming less attractive to you as a result
Neither of these options are good news for your relationship.
You probably respect your guy most of the time and where you think it counts, but it’s common in our culture to treat guys as if they were a bit stupid. You only have to see TV shows like “Married With Children” and “Everybody Loves Raymond” to see that. They make it seem like not valuing your guy is all a bit of a joke and harmless. It’s just not true.
Familiarity can mean you know his weaknesses, and you are not slow to point them out. Remember those little moments of teasing and belittling can mount up to show that you don’t value him the way you did in the beginning.
Maybe he’s not such a good cook as you, or you don’t like the way he shops, or looks after the kids. None of that matters as much as preserving your relationship.
Next time he does something stupid that doesn’t really matter, just let it go. (I need to remember this too!) And if it’s something big, where you feel you need to say something, talk about the issue without criticizing his character, personality or skills.
Oh – and if you ever feel that he is not treating you with respect, it’s important that you pull him up about it too. If you roll over and accept it, you may also end up with one of those same two choices too – loving him less or loving yourself less. Neither is good idea…
Over To You: Do you think those TV shows reflect relationships today (even if a bit exaggerated?) Do you have friends who treat their guys as if they were stupid? Please share in the comments below