Does your relationship feel like it’s headed nowhere? Are you stuck in a rut and you can’t seem to find your way out? Here are some steps to help you work out what to do.
Admit It To Yourself
The first step to changing things is admitting that you are, in fact, in a state of limbo in your relationship. This might not be easy to do if you’re fairly comfortable with how things are and don’t really want to rock the boat. However, if there are longstanding issues that need to be resolved or discussions are going nowhere, you’ll need to admit that your relationship is in a state of limbo and do whatever you need to do to shake things up and resolve the situation.
Are You Even In A Relationship?
You might feel you’re in limbo, but he might not even consider you have a relationship yet. In that case, you’ll need to clarify. If your relationship isn’t clearly defined and you feel you’ve been in “this place” for long enough, it’s time to talk about it.
If you both know you’re in a relationship, but progress to the next level is slow, a serious discussion can help to clarify where you both are and how exactly you feel you’re in limbo. If you find you haven’t been communicating much recently and you’re finding it hard to bring up the subject, make a definite time when you’ll sit down and talk. Do this at a neutral time when neither of you has to rush off to do something. Don’t try to broach the subject 10 minutes before your favorite series or his sports team is about to play as you’ll be rushed or distracted. Use a calm, rational tone of voice and resist the temptation to get emotional or worked up. The object of the discussion is to understand where you are and what you both feel about it.
Placing all the blame on him won’t turn out well for either of you. Relationship problems are seldom one person’s fault alone. Be willing to admit your part in way things are and come up with solutions where you can. Don’t just plop down a big problem, be part of the solution and help to come up with a plan for change. Ask him for his opinion and don’t resist what he says right away. Take time to digest it and consider that he could have good points as well. If he sees you’re open for discussion, he’ll be more likely to accept what you have to say as well.
Be Willing To Get Help
Sometimes, a third party is needed in order to help you both get past any slump or stall in your relationship. Friends may be able to help with advice, but they should be unbiased and not take sides, and this can prove difficult. If you feel it’s serious enough, you might need to look into getting professional help. Often the reason a relationship gets stuck in limbo is a lack of meaningful communication and having a third party to help you talk through things and give advice can make a big difference.
Go Somewhere New Together
It may be that your relationship is in limbo because you haven’t be spending enough time together or that the things you do together are routine and boring. Breaking out of a rut by taking some time off together and doing something different. If you want to use the time to talk about the relationship, go somewhere alone where you know you won’t be distracted. Going on holiday to visit friends and family probably won’t help much as you won’t have the privacy and time you need. Getting out of your comfort zone and surroundings can be just enough to get your relationship rolling again.
Take Some Time Apart
If other methods don’t work, taking some time apart could also help you to break the cycle that your relationship is stuck in. A trial separation can help you to both appreciate what you have as well as see what you’d be missing out on. On the flip side, if things go better when you’re apart, you’ll know for sure that that’s where your relationship is headed. More likely than not, though, you’ll want to get back together to work things out now that you’ve been able to take time alone to sort things out in your mind.
How Much Do You Want To Stay Together?
Even if you don’t have a trial separation, you need to get a clear picture of how much you value your relationship. If you both truly want to be together and make it work, you’ll take the time and make the effort to change things. You won’t walk away too early, but you won’t let things continue as they are forever. Remember how much you love him, remember how wonderful things were and do your best to get that feeling back again. Resolve to make new memories, to create a loving environment, and to communicate better. Discuss together how you can improve the relationship and how to keep it from getting to this point again. Take a look at the Getting The Spark Back series for more ideas.
Don’t Exert Too Much Pressure
It might feel logical to put a time limit on your demands and give an ultimatum in order to effect change. This could put unrealistic strain on the relationship and make it seem like you’re punishing him. Agree together to make time to communicate, set goals together, and don’t let things lie for a long period of time. On the other hand, you can’t tell him what to do and when. If he continues to postpone, and is stalling on any discussion, let him know that it’s going on too long and you need a response from him soon. Ask if you can agree together on a time frame in which things will change and work together to get out of your rut. If it’s just you pushing, he might just back out and then blame you for breaking things up.
Be Willing To Walk Away
If the relationship shows no signs of change and you feel locked in a situation where neither of you is happy, you might need to be the one to walk away. It takes a lot of strength and resolve to be the one to make that kind of change. Only do this once you are convinced that the relationship cannot be saved and that it’s best for both of you to move on. Being in constant limbo means life is passing you by. You’re in an unhappy state and you’re leaving it that way because you don’t want to be the one to take action. You need to consider if you’d be happy going on for months, years, or the rest of your life in the state your relationship is in now. If things don’t change, can you deal with that? Or is it time to make a change, even if it means going through the pain of walking away?
Over To You: Have you ever been stuck in a relationship that was not going anywhere? If you were, what did you do about it? Please leave a comment below.