Imagine a paramedic just leaving a patient to his fate at the side of the road because he can’t be bothered to give the poor soul the treatment he needs. Slowly the patient’s life ebbs away and the paramedic is full of remorse but still does nothing.
Unthinkable? Of course, it is.
But every year countless relationships die an untimely death, not because they are fundamentally flawed – they could be revived and thrive for years to come – but because no one has bothered to give them the kiss of life.
When you want to improve your relationship, it’s easy to think “If only he would be more attentive” or “I wish he was more romantic”. The longer you’re with your mate the more you despair of things changing for the better any time soon.
The thing is, wanting other people to change is easy, but changing yourself? Not so much.
But really when you think about it, the only person you have a hope of changing is you.
Not one bit of nagging or whining or bitching is going to change a damn thing he does (and it’s definitely not going to save your relationship, that’s for sure). In fact, it’s going to make things worse. He might make a token effort (if he’s particularly considerate) but chances are his token efforts won’t be enough to stop your complaints about him.
So should you just give up and accept your lot or find another guy?
Well actually, no, because, believe it or not, you can do a lot by changing yourself.
And how is that going to help, you ask, when he is the one who is not pulling his weight to keep your relationship sweet? It’s not my fault, you say, why should I be the one to change?
But most problems in a typical relationship can’t be laid at the door of one person. True, those problems may eventually result in one partner behaving badly , by having affair, for example, while the other feels like a victim. But going from madly in love to indifference or stalemate is almost always about the dynamic that happens between two people and how they interact.
You can’t take yourself out of the equation entirely. You are creating the relationship you have as much as your partner, whether you think you are or not.
If you already avoid nagging him, blaming him for things that are not right in your lives and complaining about everything, if you are being loving and appreciative, making yourself look good for him, giving him space, being open to sex when he is feeling sexy and initiating sex sometimes too, then you’re probably doing as much as you can and may be beating a dead horse.
But chances are, you’re NOT doing all you can, if you’re not feeling appreciated by the man in your life. Perhaps you’re feeling a little bit resentful. Perhaps you’re even withdrawing from him.
If you can’t put your hand on your heart and say that you are being a great mate to your guy, then perhaps you should start.
- If you want him to be more appreciative, appreciate him.
- If you want him to be more loving, show you love him and tell him too.
- If you want him to be more romantic, create some romantic moments yourself.
When he notices the improvements, most guys will react favorably by being a bit more attentive and loving.
It’s human nature to reciprocate when someone is being good to you. So give him every chance.
Of course, you might find it difficult to change too, especially when he is not being the partner you want him to be.
But someone has to start. And you can start small. Just stop the nagging and blaming. Then do one kind thing for him every day and say something nice to him too. That will help. Or try the 3 minute miracle. That’s a good way to inject some love and appreciation into your life.
Are you big enough to make the first move? Perhaps you’ll have to make the first fifty moves. who knows but it has to be worth the effort to have a great relationship rather than one that is slowly having the life sucked out of it. Give yours the kiss of life before it’s too late.
Over to you: Have you ever managed to revive a relationship that seemed to be on the rocks? Please share in the comments below