It doesn’t matter whether you are in a relationship already or you are looking for one, much of what you need to do to create a great relationship is the same. Strange but true as we have already seen in step 1 and step 2.
We tend to think it takes two to make a great relationship, and that’s true. But you can’t do anything about the other person. You can only change yourself, and when you do, you can make the best possible conditions for a relationship to bloom. The changes you make influence how others react to you, whether it is someone you just met (or have yet to meet) or a husband of 40 years.
The third step to a great relationship is being open, not closed.
What do I mean by that?
If you’re looking for love, being open not closed means being open to all the opportunities there are for meeting new people. So many single people are dismissive of this way or that of meeting someone. They try online dating and dismiss it after two unsuccessful dates. They go to a new club and decide they’ll never go to a club again because “clubs are full of players.” Or whatever.
The truth is that you will feel more at home in some places than others. Try those places first but don’t dismiss everything else without giving things a good shot. If you’re stuck for where to go see my book 182 Best Places To Meet Men on Amazon for suggestions.
You also need to be open to engaging with guys you come across that you’d like to get to know. Looking like you don’t care if they talk to you or approach you is a sure way of making sure they don’t. Be open to flirting and letting them know that you’re interested in a subtle (but not too subtle) way.
And when you have a date, don’t keep your whole personality buttoned up like you were ashamed to let him get to know the real you. Unless you are authentic and open about yourself, how is he going to know you are perfect for him? Without a degree of openness at the start, he might even fall for the woman he imagines you are because he doesn’t know the truth, and that is a recipe for disaster down the line.
Being open means sharing your thoughts, hopes and dreams with your partner. If you keep everything locked inside, it is like having a relationship with a shell of a person not a living human being.
Being open means sharing anything that makes you unhappy in your relationship so it can be sorted out and not letting problems fester inside you, creating resentment, which can be a huge barrier between you.
If you’re in a loving, sexual relationship, being open means being willing to try new things and to hearing what he is interested in without dismissing his ideas like he is some kind of freak. (See Top Ten Things NOT To Say In Bed To Your Guy) Being open means sharing your sexiest side, the things you’d like to do with or to him and the things you’d like him to do for you.
Being closed almost always comes out of fear of making yourself vulnerable, of risking looking stupid or of failing to get what you want.
But if you are closed you will never get what you want whether that is a special guy or a special relationship with the one you have. A great relationship with someone who is right for you enhances your life. For that you need to be open and vulnerable. It’s worth the risk.
Over to you: Have you someone you can be totally open and honest with? If not, are you open to trying new places and activities to find someone special? Please share in the comments below.
I needed these tips years ago but can still use them even now. Relationships take a lot of work. Even after 11 years together we’re working on it. Thanks for this post.
Amanda Love recently posted…9 Things You Really Don’t Need for Baby (Even Though You Might Think You Do)
Thanks Amanda. You’re so right about the work required but it’s worth it when you make the effort.
Ana recently posted…Three Things For Friday
Great points – being open is so very important. And it’s so true that we can only change ourselves – I think it’s a mistake often made to think that we have any chance of changing someone else! Thanks for sharing.
Laurel Regan recently posted…Celebrating a Decade of Blogging
Thanks Laurel. It’s a pity we can’t change others because it would be so much easier than changing ourselves 🙂
Ana recently posted…Divorce In America
It’s always a good idea to be YOU when you’re dating or already in a relationship. If you portray yourself to be something you aren’t, eventually you will get tired of acting. It’s best to be straight right from the start so all your quirks are accepted and part of the package.
Bonnie Gean recently posted…Three Tasks I Removed From My To-Do List
Thanks for your comment Bonnie. It’s wonderful when someone accepts and loves you for exactly who you are.