There’s no doubt about it, sex is a messy business with plenty of fluids involved – and sometimes a lot of fluid if you are are having very good sex! But there’s no real fixed etiquette involved in cleaning up after sex. You just have to find what works for you and whoever you are getting dirty with! There are just a few things you might like to consider in this area.
First of all, if you’re relaxed about the messiness of the experience, there’s no need to do anything at all. Do whatever comes naturally. You don’t have to be squeaky clean after sex – you’re meant to get sticky! If you don’t like that wet, sticky feeling, then feel free to clean up. Of course, if you’re going out after having sex, you’ll probably need a shower (or at least a quick wash), but if you’re about to go to sleep, it’s up to you.
If you use a condom, there will be less mess than if you don’t, but you still have to do something with the used condom. With a bit of luck you won’t have to worry about it. Your man will take it off, knot it and wrap it in a tissue before disposing of it. In any case, both of you (hopefully) will still be pretty wet, although there will be fewer wet patches on the sheets to worry about.
With a new partner, if the wetness bothers you, you might want to cuddle up a little and then pop your panties on (if you are leaking quite a bit of fluid) and say you’ll be back in a moment, and then you can go to the bathroom to pee and clean up a little. (Peeing after sex is a good idea, especially for women, as it flushes out any bacteria that have been introduced into the urethra during sex and can help prevent a urinary tract infection (UTI)).
With a longer term partner, if you want to clean up, paper tissues by the bed mean that you can mop up any wetness discretely without getting up, but if you still prefer to go to the bathroom to pee and clean up that’s OK too, and the advice about UTIs is just as critical in a long term relationship, especially if you are prone to getting these.
If you have worked up a lot of steam and are very sweaty or wet, you might like to take a shower, but your guy might find it a bit offensive if you leap up and wash off the evidence of good sex as soon as you finish – so try not to do that unless you are pretty sticky. One way out of that dilemma, if you feel the need to take a shower right away, is to invite your man to join you. He’s never going to take offense at that and you never know what good things that might lead to!
If your man is the one to leap up after sex, try not to take it personally. He’s more likely to be just feeling sticky and uncomfortable than feeling you got him so dirty that he wants to remove all evidence you made love. Try and persuade him to cuddle up for a few minutes first or suggest joining him in the shower (see above). In any case, he’s more likely to be concerned about washing his bodily fluids away than yours, as semen is pretty sticky stuff and when it dries onto body hair it can be pretty uncomfortable. It sometimes just makes life simpler to clean up right after sex.
Dealing With The Wet Patch
As for the sheets, there’s always that thing about who gets to sleep on the wet patch. If there’s enough mess to bother you (and especially if you have just had a shower) you might like to change the bed linen so you are both more comfortable.
If there’s just a little damp patch though, it will dry out in no time and it’s probably not worth the effort of changing the bedding. Just make sure you change the sheets frequently when you are having regular sex and definitely just before your first time with a new man.