What you should and shouldn’t do immediately after sex depends to a certain extent on how long you have been with the guy in question.
If this is a one night stand, then you should probably be behaving differently than after sex with your husband of ten years, though in both situations it’s all about being considerate of how your man feels, while not ignoring your own needs.
Anyway here’s what not to do (and how that might apply in whatever situation you’re in).
Asking How It Was For Him
With a new(ish) lover, don’t ask how it was for him or fish for compliments. It makes you look insecure. He might tell you how much he enjoyed it without you asking and if it was that good, it will probably be obvious and words are not required. If you had a good time, assume he did too. If you have to ask, you might be putting the guy in an awkward position of having to lie to spare your feelings. Either that or you will be hurt if he is less than complimentary.
With a long term partner, if you’re mature enough to respect honest answers, ask anything you like, especially if you just tried something new. It’s the way to improve your sex life – though you still shouldn’t need to fish for compliments – just information about what he likes.
Comparing
Any kind of comparison with another guy or mention of any past lover after you had sex is a complete No No – it doesn’t matter if you’ve known the guy five minutes or twenty-five years. Don’t do it!
Getting Immediately On With Your Life
You’re busy. He’s busy. But unless you both understood this was a quickie and that you had just a short time before you had to do something else, it’s bad manners just to have sex then open your book, switch on the TV or start looking at your cellphone or laptop to see if you have any messages. A little conversation and affection/friendliness never harmed anyone!
With a new partner, asking him to leave because you have things to do right away, even if you never want to see him again, will make him feel used and that you just scratched an itch rather than had sex with a living, human being. Don’t be a bitch – spare his feelings a little, even if you never go out with him again or call him after he eventually leaves.
Distancing Yourself
Even if you don’t get on with your life right away, you can be just as distant in your head by physically moving apart and thinking of something/someone other than your lover even while you are still in bed with him. Focus on the guy for a bit no matter how long you’ve known him. It won’t kill you to be kind or loving.
Washing Him Away
If you leap out of bed immediately after sex and give the impression that you hate the idea that he ever touched you, it can feel very disconcerting to your guy. A long-standing partner may be used to it, but probably still doesn’t like the way you do that. A quick cuddle before clean up is all it takes to make this seem less hurtful. See Washing after sex for more on the etiquette behind getting clean after making love.
Brushing Your Teeth
Brushing your teeth or using mouth wash right after sex is similar to washing and will not endear you to your new lover or partner either. If you had oral sex, living with the taste a while longer is not going to kill you.
Grossing Him Out
It should really go without saying that you should avoid any of the major turn offs with any lover like nose picking, belching, farting, ass scratching, picking your nails and the like. But just in case, I included it for completeness…
Falling Asleep
You might feel very sleepy after reaching orgasm, that’s fine but don’t go right to sleep without a little conversation or closeness. It’s just bad manners. Now he may go right to sleep on you but that’s another story. See Cuddling After Making Love for more on this.
Declaring Your Love
With an established partner saying “I Love You” after sex is a great way to confirm your appreciation and affection. With a new partner it might set alarm bells ringing and have him running for the hills. Ideally you want the “I love you” moment to happen for the first time outside the bedroom at a time when you are both unaffected by the afterglow of good sex.
Asking For Commitment
It’s just as important not to ask him if he loves you as it is not to declare your love for him right after sex in a relatively new relationship. Ditto asking if he want to be your boyfriend/exclusive/you to move in with him. All these conversations should happen spontaneously outside the bedroom otherwise they seem like they are an expectation because you had sex.
Being Eager For More Action Too Soon
Your guy needs a recovery period after making love. The older he is, the longer the recovery period he’s going to need. Don’t grab hold of his package hoping for more right after sex. He’s not going to enjoy that, especially if he knows there’s no chance anytime soon. Cuddle up and see what comes naturally. If you didn’t orgasm it’s Ok to ask him to finish you off – it’s something he should be doing rather than leaving you high and dry anyway.
Crying
Don’t cry unless you want to scare him witless. Guys hate too much emotion and tears. With a new partner, chances are you’ll never see him again. You should get a bit more understanding from a long term partner however, though he still won’t like it.
Hanging Around Too Long
With a new lover don’t outstay your welcome. When you wake up in the morning, get a taxi and get out of there with your dignity intact. Leave your number if you’d like him to call. Staying longer won’t make him any more likely to call. Of course, if he asks you to stay a bit, and you want to, that’s a different matter!
Laughing
You’ll freak out a new lover by laughing or giggling right after sex. He’ll be wondering what you are laughing at. Him? His penis? His technique? Laughing is probably not too wise with a long standing lover either, unless he knows you so well he knows exactly why you are laughing and is completely OK with it.
