When NOT To Say “I Love You”

Loving someone is a good thing, right? So, is “I love you” ever the wrong thing to say to a guy?

When Not To Say I Love YouToo right, it is! Here are 12 situations, when the words should never cross your lips.

1

When You Haven’t Known Him Long Enough

Until you truly know a man, warts and all, you can’t really love him. It’s pure infatuation until you see the real him. Unless you are aware of faults in him, and still love him, think twice before you say the words.

2

When You’re Not Sure He Loves You

If you say that you love him without knowing he loves you, you are putting him under pressure to reciprocate. You might even scare him off, if he is wary of commitment. Someone has to be first to say the words, that’s true. But it’s not the words that count, it’s how your guy acts around you. Does he put you first? Can you see that he loves you even if he’s not saying it.

3

When He Breaks Up With You

That’s not the time to say “But, I love you!” in a clinging, needy way. Get the hell out of there as soon as you can with your pride intact, and then have a good cry and wail about how much you love him into your pillow, diary, or best friend’s shoulder.

4

When You Break Up With Him

This is the classic “I love you, but” (in contrast to “But, I love you” in #3) Saying I love you but you’re not right for me, it’s not the right time, or whatever, is not letting the guy down gently. It’s being cruel and giving him false hope. Don’t do that.

5

Just Because He Says It To You

If a guy says he loves you but you’re not sure about him, don’t feel you have to reciprocate.

Many guys will try that line to get you into bed and they don’t really mean it. Others are infatuated and don’t really know you (see point #1). You can just smile and say “thank you but you don’t really know me yet” or “we don’t know each other yet. Just wait until you see me on a really bad day”.

If you’ve been going out with the guy and he acts as if he loves you and says it, but you don’t love him, then it’s time to think about the future of your relationship, and whether you’re stringing him along until someone better comes along. If he’s growing on you but you’re not there yet OK, but if you’re never going to love him, it’s high time you called it a day. You have to be honest about your feelings either way and not just say “I love you, too” to get off the hook for now.

6

Just Because He Gives You An Expensive Gift

We all like gifts, but you can’t be bought like that, can you? Please tell me you can’t!

The same is true, if he does something particularly nice for you. If you’re thinking “I love you because you did that for me”, don’t say it.

Love him because of who is (“he’s the kind of guy who is loving and giving to everyone”), not for what he does for you on one occasion.

7

He’s Mr Right Now

You’re fed up waiting for romance in your life. Mr Right doesn’t seem to be coming along, so you’ve decided you may as well make your romantic future with Mr Just Good Enough. This is bound to get messy when you change your mind and decide Mr Just Good Enough is not actually Good Enough for you.

8

When You’re About To Be Apart

If one of you is going away, don’t leave it until the last minute to say “I love you” for the first time. You don’t want to be left wondering about his reaction. Give him a chance to answer in normal circumstances, and don’t drop the words at the airport!

9

In The Heat Of Passion

Don’t confuse lust and great sex with love. They are not the same thing at all. It does no harm to say the words in bed with a long term partner, but don’t let the first time you say “I love you” be during sex.

10

When You’re Feeling Needy

Don’t say “I love you” when you really just want reassurance about whether he loves you back. It’s irritating. For the same reason, don’t keep repeating “I love you” over and over like a woman possessed. Once a day is nice. Every five minutes is creepy.

11

When You’ve Had Too Much To Drink

Drink can make you over-emotional. Chances are, you feel in love with the world at large, if you are that type of drunk. So it’s not the time to declare your affections for your guy for the first time especially as he may be feeling less than loving towards you in the state you’re in.

12

When You’re Not Sure

The most important reason and the one to remember above all others: Never say powerful words like “I love you” unless you truly mean them with all your heart.

YOUR TURN: Any other times when “I love you” is not appropriate? When did you first say it to your guy? Did you say it first? PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW

4 Responses to “When NOT To Say “I Love You””

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  1. Bren says:

    Awww these bring back memories! How easy it is to get “caught up” in that moment and blurt out “words” that ya really don’t mean or do mean but … they won’t be reciprocated. Great list! I’ll have to pass this along 🙂
    Bren recently posted…I Never Thought ME for a SNOB!

    • Ana says:

      Thanks Bren. I remember that feeling too. Sometimes knowing what to do and being sensible when you’re actually with a guy is another matter entirely.

  2. Hi Ana, let me first start off by saying I enjoy reading your blog. You give excellent and practical tips and advice. This post struck home for me. I’m 6 months into a new relationship and I can honestly say that I love this person. I’ve been wanting to tell him but have been hindered by “the I don’t want to be the first one to say it” trap. Point 2 on your list really struck home for me, not in that I’m not sure if he feels the same way, but more because as you said, I can see/tell that he loves me as well based on his actions. Love is not a feeling it is an action word. And even though the words “I love you” have not been said be either of us, I’m content (for now) in being on the receiving end of his loving actions.

    • Ana says:

      Thanks Stacey. With you loving him and him loving you, you could just let the words slip out naturally at some point when he’s being particularly affectionate. Perhaps he’s having the same problem of not wanting to be first. I don’t even remember who said the words first in my case – was it my husband or was it me? No idea!

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