Although everyone knows that communication is vital in a relationship or marriage, most guys would prefer it if they never had to have one of those serious talks that can be tough to work through.
But given it has to be done to keep your relationship healthy, there are some times that are better than others. If the topic is important to you and you want him to pay attention to what you have to say, picking a good time to talk to him will make a difference and is less likely to lead to a row.
Below is a list of times when most men aren’t in the best mood to talk. In addition, pay attention to those times when conversation doesn’t go over well with your particular man and avoid those times in the future.
When He’s Tired
Most people get cranky when they’re tired. If he’s had a couple of late nights or has been doing exhausting work, starting up a conversation with him will likely result in argument rather than solutions. Wait until he’s had a good night’s sleep or has at least had a chance to rest up.
First Thing In The Morning
Wait until he’s at least had his coffee, a shower, or both. And don’t hit him up with big decisions just before he needs to go to work. He’s probably already worrying about all he has to do that day and doesn’t want more to have to think about. Even if he isn’t thinking about the day ahead, he’s likely not ready to discuss much until he’s fully woken up.
At The End Of A Long Day
This isn’t just at the end of a work day. If he’s come back from a trip, had to do a lot of driving, or spent the better part of the day working in the garden, he’s likely to be tired and drained. The only thing on his mind is having a relaxing evening, preferably with a beer, TV and little to think or talk about.
After living with a guy for some time you’ll notice tell-tale signs of tension in him, for example clenching his jaw, going silent, or knitting his eyebrows. When you see he’s already tense, put off the discussion till a later time.
If he’s having to deal with short-term frustrating issues at work, hasn’t been able to fix something the way he wanted, or the car is breaking down, he’s frustrated and not up for good conversation. Let him work out his frustrations before attempting to talk to him.
If he’s doing repairs around the house or attempting to create something himself, he needs to focus and concentrate on that. Don’t try to have a conversation with a man who’s working. Especially if he’s trying something new or doing a difficult project, you should give him space and try to talk at a better time.
Also men have hobbies in order to cut themselves off from the world and just shut down. While he’s doing his hobby, he’s focused on that and would probably rather be alone. Hitting him up with conversation will make him tense and take away from the time he needs to unwind.
It’s not just a joke or cliché that men don’t communicate well when they’re hungry. A hungry man is really going to have only one thing on his mind and that’s what he can find to eat. Let him enjoy a good meal and you’ll find him in a better mood to talk. If you know he’ll be coming home hungry and you have something you want to discuss with him, have food waiting for him. At the same time, don’t try to converse while he’s eating or put pressure on him to finish his meal so you can talk.
Right After Sex
Right after love-making, bask in feeling good together without starting a big conversation. Even though he’s relaxed, he’s also in a place where he is kind of blank mentally, and probably just wants to go to sleep. This is an especially bad time to talk about what isn’t going right in the bedroom as it can seem like criticism or personal attack when he’s most vulnerable rather than a discussion.
Last Thing At Night
By the time you’re both ready for bed, you’re both tired, he’s in shut-down mode, and starting a conversation will mean you both will have to be awake and alert. Night is alright for light conversation or pillow talk, not for discussion about any problems you may have.
If He’s Sick
Not many people can hold a good conversation when they’re sick. Unless it’s a really urgent matter, don’t attempt to have a discussion if he’s under the weather or seriously ill. Use the time instead to help him rest, get him what he needs, and wait until he’s better to broach any subject that needs to be brought up.
Note From Ana: This one really fits into the “He’s Busy” category of bad times to talk, but I know never to bring anything up when there’s football on TV, perhaps anything on TV that he’s particularly interested in! I won’t get any joy at all from that particular conversation so I may as well not start it 🙂
Over to you: What times do you avoid trying to have a serious discussion with your partner or prefer him or her not to start a discussion with you? Please share in the comments below.
Great tips – I will have to remember this list! Thank you for sharing.
Laurel Regan recently posted…It’s all about the comments
Thanks Laurel. If you try to talk to him at a bad time, you’ll soon remember from the lack of response you get 🙂
Ana recently posted…When He Doesn’t Support Your Diet
Great list. I agree with your list. The biggest times I don’t want someone to have a heavy conversation with me is right when I wake up and the last thing at night before going to sleep. Any other time is pretty open.
Tandy recently posted…Yellow Butterflies: Here’s Your Sign
Thanks for your kind words and for sharing Tandy
Ana recently posted…Relationship Danger: Are You Coasting?
There are definitely good and bad times! Like when he’s engrossed with texting on the phone, that’s when a lot of listening isn’t happening 🙂
Salma recently posted…Banana-Date Breakfast Smoothie
Thanks Salma. That’s a good addition to the list (or a bad one depending how you look at it) I might do a whole post on technology getting in the way because it’s getting to be more and more of a problem.
Ana recently posted…Relationship Success – Depth Not Duration
Super list Ana! When he’s stressed after a long or difficult day is definitely the wrong time for important talk. What he could really use is a big hug, a listening ear, and maybe a neck rub.
Marilyn Thompson recently posted…Want to be a Guru?
Thanks for sharing Marilyn. You can’t go wrong with a big hug I find…except if his team are about to score and I block the view – then it’s not so good:)
Ana recently posted…Is Technology Ruining Relationships?