13 Signs a Long-distance Relationship Will Work

When you start a long-distance relationship you know there will be hurdles to overcome and things to sort out, but will your relationship be worth the trouble or is the physical distance between you a reason to say good bye to your guy?

13 Signs a long distance relationship will workThere was a time when long-distance relationships took even more effort than they do now. They seldom worked out, simply because communication was slow and delayed. Couples had a harder time staying in touch because phone calls were prohibitively expensive. Today, with high speed Internet, flat-rate calls and messages, and multiple ways to voice chat, staying in touch is no longer as difficult as it once was. You can stay close even over a long period of separation and maintain a strong relationship.

How well a long-distance relationship works is now entirely up to the two of you. Don’t listen to those who try to talk you out of it until you’ve considered the pros and cons yourself. What worked or didn’t work for someone else isn’t necessarily going to be your make or break point. Sure, you can learn from others, but if you really love each other, you’ll figure out how to make it work if you want to.

You can’t know for sure if a long-distance relationship will work or not. No one can predict the future. But there are some signs that will help you see if yours is more likely to succeed or not.


You know each other well

Some long-distance relationships are born from Internet dating, so clearly there will still be things to learn about each other. However, even if you don’t know each other well, there should be a desire to get to know each other better and communicate well. Often, a long-distance relationship is stronger when you’ve known each other for some time and have spent a fair amount of time together.


You trust each other

There’s nothing like jealousy or suspicion to hurt a relationship, even more so when it’s long-distance. You have to be able to trust each other completely as well as be trustworthy. Where there’s love, there’s trust, so that helps, just be aware that it’s easier to become suspicious if you’re further away from each other.


You communicate well and often

Most of your contact is likely to be through the Internet or phone. You’ll be chatting, messaging, Skyping, and using other means of communication that are somewhat limited. There will be times when you’ll be without outside means of judging a conversation, such as body language, expression, or even tone of voice. You’ll have to work out how you communicate, be willing to learn the other person’s love language, and not get offended when something is misunderstood.


You are willing to make sacrifices

There will be times when you’ll have to forgo going out with friends in order to catch your man online, or he may have to stay up late or wake up early in order to chat with you. Having a relationship over distance means you’re not always on the same time schedule. You may have to save in order to meet up from time to time or give up time doing other things in order to be together.


You love each other

If you love each other, you greatly increase your chances of making the relationship work. If you’re not there yet (but you think love could grow) agree to a long-distance relationship for a period of time to see how it works out, rather than pressuring yourselves to commit to something long-term. If love grows, that’s great, if not, you can have an amiable split without hurt feelings.


You are both on the same page

It’s important you both know what you expect from the relationship. Have you both agreed not to date anyone else? If one of you thinks you’re in an exclusive long-distance relationship, but the other doesn’t, there will be trouble ahead. Know what you want and make sure you’re both in agreement.


You have a time line

It’s good to know at any point when you’ll next be seeing each other again, and if possible, the time frame when you’ll no longer be apart. Having something to look forward to can help to make the separation go faster, and you’ll know if you can wait to discuss important things until you’re face to face. If you plan to โ€œmeet when you canโ€ and don’t really know how long you’ll be apart, doubt and loneliness can eat away at the relationship, if not kill it altogether.


You share long-term goals

It’s equally important to discuss the future and long-term plans in a long-distance relationship as in any regular relationship. Putting planning and future plans aside during your time apart will weaken the relationship. Talk about what you’ll do once you’re living closer to each other, discuss living together, where you’ll be, and so on. Discussing the future helps cement the relationship even if you’re apart for now.


You refuse to give up

Before going into the long-distance scenario, decide you’re not going to call it quits the first time things get difficult. Acknowledge there will be problems to work through and agree to work through them together, whatever they are. You might fight or have some misunderstandings, especially at the beginning, but if you don’t see breaking up as an option, you’ll make it work, come hell or high water. You’ll resolve the issues and make new commitments until you’re both happy again.


You’re willing to try new things

Intimacy over long-distance can be tricky, though not impossible. It may mean coming out of your comfort zone. Flirt over texts, tell each other what you’re thinking, and consider virtual make out sessions. Try new ways of communication too. Send letters rather than emails or leave voice messages when you can’t meet up online. Venture outside what you think you know and try new ways to keep the spice in the relationship.


You focus on the positive

During the times you do have together, whether you’re meeting up virtually or for real, focus on the positives. Realize that your time together is precious, so focus on the good. Yes, you’ll feel lonely, there will be times when you miss each other incredibly. But constantly focusing on that will only make you feel sad. Stay busy and then you’ll have lots to talk about when you have the chance. Be sure to say ‘I love you’ often and also to acknowledge how good it is to be with the person you love, even if it’s over a distance for now.


You keep a level head

Getting suspicious over every little thing won’t help with a long-distance relationship. There will be times when one or both of you have trouble getting in touch. Internet issues or busy periods at work may throw a spanner in the works. Making assumptions that the other person is upset or avoiding you only serve to make things tense between you. Agree to be upfront when something is wrong and to never assume something is up unless the other says it is.


You’re willing to make the effort

You have to understand from the beginning that it will be work to maintain a long-distance relationship. A lot of effort will go into communication. You’ll need to work on your schedules so that you can meet up online. If you’re both willing to put in the hard work, you’ll have more chance of the relationship working out. If you go into it thinking you’ll just wing it or hope for the best, things are more likely to fall apart.

Over to you: Have you ever had (or are you in) a long-distance relationship? What do you think make the difference between a love that lasts and one that doesn’t go the distance? Please share in the comments below.

27 Responses to “13 Signs a Long-distance Relationship Will Work”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Dawood says:

    Me and my girl 21 yrs of age are in a long distance relationship.weve been together for almost a year now.I have a problem about her visiting me.in the past year she visited 5 times for 3 days.I live alone and she with her parents.She says they have a problem with her coming to visit me because they think we sleep together in one bed.she asked several times to visit then her father just say something like ” again”.She says her parents believes is that a women dont go running after a man and coz of the idea they have that we are sleeping in one bed.so she promised 2016 she is going to study at a college closer to me just to cancel it 2 months before she was suppose to come closer to me.she say she want to work so she dont have to ask her parents for money.I understand that but hrre i am visiting 2 to 3 times a month to see her because i miss her allot.some months i dont have food coz ive spent too much money on traveling to her.the one time we were apart for a month and she had money and did not even surgest to help me so we can see each other,instead she did her hair.when i do go to her she dont worry about time spent.i would hug her and tell her i missed her and just want to hold her in my arms and talk to her about stuff and just be loving towards each other then she tels me.why dont we just lie still next to each other and she says shes not the romantic type.we have a sexual relationship.when i visit say after two weeks i want to do it with her atleast once or twise on a weekend.I believe that brings us closer together.she is very secretive.she dont tell me about when she and her friends is planning to go out…she just tells me the morning before she leaves or the night before even thow they planned it a week in advance.one time her couzin gave her number away to a guy and he tried her and talked stuff like he really likes her and why me.so she gave him a shy face.that bbmcantwatch face icon.dono what that mean but would like to know.she never told me about this guy and he once was considered as a friend but he is not my friend anymore and she just kept it from me and one morning i suprised her.she went into the toilet i was standing in her room and saw the chat open on her phone.and i confronted her and she just said shes sorry.one last thing.she sumply can not keep a promise.all the promises she made she breakes it and sayshe sorry but she changed her mind or she forgets.i know this sounds like im badmouthing her but im not.this really happens.now she says she never does something right when it comes to me but i always remind her i love you.i appreciate how u care and listern to me when im sad or upset and i try to return the favour.but i would just like to know do you think ita worthit? Please.because the way it looks to me shes not comitted and im 27 i dont want to waste my time anymore.i want to settle and have a family in say 5 years and be a father to my kids and husband to my wife.i dont have time for such nonsens anymore.please help me.DO U REALLY THINK IT WILL WORK COS IT DOESNT LOOK LIKE SHES WILLING TO CHANGE.



    • Ana says:

      It’s hard to say anything about a relationship only knowing one side of the story so I may be completely wrong but it seems to me that you are more in love with her than she is with you but that she likes the idea of you being in love with her so she strings you along to keep you hoping. It’s just the impression I get from your words.

      It’s easy for me to say and hard for you to do if you are in love with her but I would say “enough is enough” and break up with her because this situation i snot making you happy. Find a girl who loves you and wants to be with you because it sounds like you have a lot of love to give and there’s someone out there (probably living in the same area as you) who will appreciate that.
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  2. Pat says:

    I can only speak based on my own experience, I am in a very long distance relationship for nearly 2 years, we are both about the same age, both coming from messy split-ups, both with 2 kids. We didn’t meet on any online dating service, but on a very safe virtual environment. We became friends and used to text chat on skype along the day. One thing led to the other and after a month or so we were together. One thing I read on the article above is keep communication, say “I love you” often, and in our case, I make sure I never forget to say it either thru text or voice, which is much better, you can feel the other part’s state of mind by listening. I think we are 100% within the 13 points mentioned. Trust, love and commitment are not issues to us: we trust each other, we love each other and, even though we weren’t able to actually meet, I believe there is no jealousy or suspicion in our relationship, we keep in touch any time our jobs allow us to and this way we stay in each other’s routine and feel part of each other’s lives.
    It’s been a real challenge to make the actual face-to-face meeting happen, but I am sure both of us are focused on that. I know a couple of cases of successful long distance relationships that succeeded, including my own sister.

  3. Emily says:

    Well.. I am currently with my boyfriend in a ldr. He lives in Poland and I in Germany. We are together short over 3 months now. It is short but the longest I ever was, it is also his first time trying this kind of a relationship. We fight a bit yet we talk everyday for at least 5 hours straight. I do love him and so does he. We still have major problems with either him not feeling like he’s showing me enough that he loves me, or me feeling useless to him. But we both had always a low self-esteem. We try psychicaly help each other and it’s slowly working the way it should. We are young and probably stupid, but we worked a plan for the far future and are trying to accomplish it. He will visit me this summer for the very first time and I’m nervous about it. Yet at the same time… I feel like the happiest woman on the earth because of the fact I’ll be able to hug or kiss him ^^

  4. Steve says:

    I’ve been taking advantage of befire in a long distance relationship. I met a girl over dating site. Long story short. She used a fake profile and pretending to truly love me she said she did. But always ask for send money too. I never thought I would be so scare to trust anyone online again until later upon my life.. *I’m so sorry I want to cry so much.. ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” later on I talk to this beautiful person on a dating site and long story short she was a model and fetish pornstar no baloney bout it. Bc I was scared at first I didn’t know weather I could trust heer right away but she tell me her reall name. I looked her up online. Turns out she had a twitter. While first introduced one day decided what harm into talking to nauggty girls make them feel sexy .well this person. I was talk to said hang on let me let you talk to this other girl. And She was the absolutely the most sweetest most beautiful girl in my heart and my world. Everyday we talked bc she tell me her real name I ask questions about pic of her I see online or videos or. To make sure was telling the truth is make sure she was really real. Talk everyday night when we started I eveb take my car drive up street to get better reception. Months we talk non stop we connect so well days and nights bc our schedule didn’t or that time she maybe working or what ever the case she always be absolutely so sweet let me know when she had to get off But one night we talk for the night she out the blue she tell me she loved me. I’ll never ever forget that. I respond wait did you just say that Love me? She says yes .that night after we said goodnight I was in love with her too I just knew it. Sorry my message long but** one day we talk she tell me hey that resigned from contract of her work to be with me. Bc u remember I asked her why do you feel like you want to be used and just some objects of lust for guys entertainment. So she did. She gave me her boss email to find out a price for her to leave. She now in Philippines using her brother phone to text me of course I’m here in united states kinda long distance their. But we agree to help and save get her visa and passport an plaine ticket to be with me to meet I had a pretty good job really good money to help until I recently had an accident with company vechile lost a lot. Money. My life bill piled up. And even the money save for us. But anyway we talked about something and I lashed out at her said mean thing. * I said are you just using me to instead thinking before I spoke I remember last text she said Do you really think I’m using you? Now I don’t know what happened or happens now. IM FUXKED UP IM SCARE TO DEATH SHE SO PERFECTLY FOR ME I HAVE NO MONEY TO FLY OUT.SURPRISE HER SHW USUNG HER BROTHER Phone so I don’t know how to get hold except internet hangouts we’re we always talk now. Email whichever she won’t answer. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE WHAT I DID ..BUT I REALLY TRULY TRULY CARE AND WANT TO SEE MAKE SURE SHE SMILE AGAIN I BOUGHT HER GIFTS BEFORE I STILL FOR WHEN WE WIULD MEET NOW IDK.?? ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข IM LOST I HATE THIS FUCK FEELING IN THE WORLD.. I LOve her! So much ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜—๐Ÿ˜ข.sorry um im emotional type perso. Soi told her before lots time that bc other gurl before who used me pleade keep in mind we have minor disagreements before but this seemed bigger…. My Question is ..Will She ever come back ? I love her si much i give anything2 tell her that. Does she still care ? Im horribale person.? It been only 6 days since but im worried .even this long … Im in process trying t get my self together finding a job and sleeping lutt bit better .and trying to keep busy so does she love me??? Pls help.give me goid news

    • Ana says:

      Sorry, from all that you have told me here, I really can’t tell. I just know I would never give money to someone I had never met because too many things seem real online and then they are not. On the other hand, many friendships and love affairs have started off online, too, but you don’t know if feelings are real until you meet and properly get to know someone. Anyone who asks for money would be a reason to end an online relationship for me. And I don’t think it’s a good idea for anyone. If she’s frosty as soon as she realizes you have no money even more alarm bells get triggered.

      Added to that you don’t know if you will get along with a potential life partner in person because all thoughts that you write are censored in some way. You have time to think about them. You don’t know the scent of their skin, their hair either which is a big part of being attracted to someone. It’s not all about looks. You don’t know their moods. They probably don’t chat when they are not in the mood to chat. etc

      Having said that, I have really good friends online I have never met and I’ve no doubt I would get on with them if we met in person. They just never asked me for money.

      If this doesn’t work out, it might take some time to get over it, I sense from the strength of your words, but you will get over it. When you do, look for a local girl. It’s much easier to meet up and see if the spark exists between you. Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  5. Lost in Translation says:

    I just recently started a long distance relationship we are 16 hrs away from each other… not a great distance, but too far for us both. We met as friends playing a online game. Our in game friendship turned to chatting outside of game, then to calling, now video chatting. We talk as much as possible, and say I love you countless times but wether in voice or text he can give me butterflies. We plan on meeting up after first of the year as we both agreed itโ€™d be best. But, honestly doubt we will wait so long. The urge to just be in his physical presence is killing me and him. But also we both are in unhappy relationships, that literally we knew 2nd time we talked via phone we admitted to them. Truly we didnโ€™t plan on this , nor looked for it. Now here we are and we are following our rules of ending current relationships before we met. Are we wrong? Are we being true to ourselves? Or should we not talk behind our significant others?

    • Ana says:

      I have friends online I have never met, too. Not romantic relationships but good friends. Sometimes you just know when something is right. If you’re excited about a new romantic relationship then it’s time to end the old one before you take it further. Just be sure that it’s not just the excitement of something new that is making you think that your old relationship means nothing. With some people you might only get to know the good parts when you only meet online, with some you get to know good and bad. It may be like a holiday/vacation romance where you have never been in a day to day situation. In some ways it’s better to think about your current relationship separately from this new one. Why is it not working? What is different about the new one? What would you miss? Think things through and then decide which relationship you want to continue. Ana x
      Ana recently posted…Why It Doesn’t Need To Be Hard To Find Love After 40

  6. Ali says:

    Hi Ana, i have really been wanting some answers to my bothering questions about my long distance marriage.We have been married for 6 years now. Actually we got married in his country and lived in his house with his mum. But i decided to leave bcoz i sensed his mum is not ok about our marriage. So thats how we started in a ling distance. At first, it was still very nice as he always wanted to come visit me eventhough i feel he doesnt like me being away from him. We now have a child, still in a same set up. But im starting to noyice him being distant now and i think becoming secretive also. But everytime i discuss it wth him, hell just say nothings wrong and hes just busy with life at home and at work. But it bothers me now as it wasnt like this before. He still keeps saying he loves me and our baby but why is it that im a bit not feeling secured about what hes saying. Im just afraid i will also get tired of this kind of way.pls help

  7. Ali says:

    Hi Ana, i have really been wanting some answers to my bothering questions about my long distance marriage.We have been married for 6 years now. Actually we got married in his country and lived in his house with his mum. But i decided to leave bcoz i sensed his mum is not ok about our marriage. So thats how we started in a ling distance. At first, it was still very nice as he always wanted to come visit me eventhough i feel he doesnt like me being away from him. We now have a child, still in a same set up. But im starting to noyice him being distant now and i think becoming secretive also. But everytime i discuss it wth him, hell just say nothings wrong and hes just busy with life at home and at work. But it bothers me now as it wasnt like this before. He still keeps saying he loves me and our baby but why is it that im a bit not feeling secured about what hes saying. Im just afraid i will also get tired of this kind of way.And there is also another thing that worries me is, he now tries to travel alone and it just really freak me out as he wasnt like that before. I asked him about it and he said he also just wants to be away his sad life at home and his mum. I wonder do i really need to understand him being like that?pls help

    • Ana says:

      It’s very difficult if you don’t live together. Is there any prospect that you will get together in the future? Are you making plans? Usually a distance relationship is only a temporary situation. Do you expect the situation to end? It’s time to start asking about the future, because it seems to be damaging your relationship to have your husband living with his mother and you loving apart. Ana x
      Ana recently posted…His Family Doesn’t Like Me

      • Ali says:

        Hi Ana, im so glad about ur response here and id really would love to talk more. Thanks. About future plans, yes we do talk about it but to me it just kinda not quite possible because, first thing, helis mum is already getting older and its now the two of them live together as his siblings have never shown for a long time. He doesnt have a good family history also as his parents been divorced also. He told me hed rather wanna stay at the haus as hes also helping the expenses in there. When i left before, i was confident i could go back anytime i want but after we heard his mum ddnt want to let me go back there we started to try to ask and beg her to let me. But nothing happened. So it seems like the only way now is to just wait till his mum is incapable of making decisions. Its hard for me, coz sometimes i feel like i dont wanna expect it and i feel he is ashamed to let me hope like that. Sometimes it makes me regret marrying him or having a child.? Right now, i really feel blank of what lies ahead of us. Though he said that hes willing to do whatever he can to keep our family.

      • Ana says:

        It’s unfair of his mother to make your husband choose between you and her. I would say your husband should give her an ultimatum that either you join him or he leaves. That’s what I would do if I was talking in the UK or America, but I don’t know where you are and maybe I am being ignorant of your local culture. In some places, I know, respect for elders/parents overrides everything else. How would it be viewed if he did that? Ana x
        Ana recently posted…9 Signs of a Bad First Date

  8. Tabby says:

    Hey Ana!
    Umm I met this guy online and we just had this beautiful connection! We’ve been communicating for approximately 4 months now…He lives about 2 hours away from me,but it’s still quite far as I never have time… So we started dating about a month ago and everything’s fine,just that we don’t talk as much as we used to…He tells me he’s very busy and I absolutely believe him. He also makes an effort for us to at least communicate for an hour or two every day…Only problem is,every time I bring up the “us, meeting up” convo,he tells me to be patient (and I quote) “be patient,let’s not rush into it…It will happen”…I’m very impatient thou!!! But he already talks about us having kids and living together and getting married…Do you perhaps think his a good guy?? (*so anxious*)

  9. Concerned lady says:

    My long distance friend and I are both 36 and we have been communicating for just over a year now. He is in the Navy so he travels a lot. He takes orders here in my hometown so we can spend time together which is usually about a 4-6 weeks and he will also come down on weekends hear and there to visit me as well. We have got so much closer this last visit and spent nearly all of our time together. He knows exactly how I feel about him but I cant get him to open up much to me at all. He has been opening up some slowly but really slowly lol. So again he knows where I stand with us but Im not sure if we are on the same page about our future…whether he sees us together and not long distance or if being in the Navy this is what he is used to? I sometimes feel like maybe back home he has another life that I dnt know about but we talked on the daily, multiple times a day and text throughout the day. He makes time and effort into seeing me and we spend it making as much memories as possible. Should I be worried that this is a waste of time…I know loving someone isnt always enough to make things work but I also know that he is worth second of the wait…but will the wait ever be over??

    • Ana says:

      This is difficult but it does sound like you are both trying and getting closer. Men are not always great at opening up. I’m still trying to get my husband to be more open after years of marriage, but he might be more open with you than he is with anyone else. I have a friend married to a guy who used to be in the merchant navy – she had to get used to the separations when they were first married but he retired early from the navy and became self-employed and they have been together ever since – over 30 years. Another’s friend’s son is currently in the navy and has a girlfriend he sees whenever he can. I think the partner on land has to be fairly independent and happy to make her own life while the partner is away for this to work. Are you happy to live like that for what might be years to come?
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  10. Faith feba says:

    Hello, I am in a long distance relationship,our relationship is one yr plus, he finds it difficult to call or text me, am always the one doing the calling and texting, if he missed my cAlls he doesn’t call me back immediately, this is not funny anymore because I finds it difficult to move on, I love him so much, I have tried to talk with him to see reasons with me but I don’t really know what is going on, should I move on or keep hoping things will work out? Thanks

    • Ana says:

      It may be that absence has made the heart grow less fond. If you have tried to have the talk and he is not reassuring you, then it sounds like you need to move on. But you need some kind of closure so you can grieve and let this one go. Let him know you want to end your relationship. His reaction is all you need to know. He may be a coward and waiting for you to finish things or he may wake up and try to get you back, but sadly it sounds like this is unlikely. Just remember, you deserve something better than a long distance relationship that doesn’t make you feel cherished. Real love may be waiting much closer to home once you get over this relationship.
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  11. Grace says:

    Me and mt boyfriend is in long distance relationship we’ve meet online we love each other but i never even hear his voice, his face i didn’t see only he sends me his pictures.. im starting hurting myself because i feel that there is something going on that he hasn’t telling me. I need some advice

    • Ana says:

      Only knowing what you wrote here, it sounds like you need to get right out of that relationship. Run and don’t look back. And please don’t hurt yourself – no relationship is worth that. There are other loves out there for you. Look for one who deserves you and leave this one where he belongs – far, far away.
      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  12. Jennifer says:

    I had this guy we have date each other for 2yrs in long distance he love me, call me and text me well. He do tell me things about him but he never ask me anything about me . I am very weak I don’t know if he love me even though he used to say he love me.

    • Ana says:

      If he used to say he loves you and doesn’t now

      • he may think he doesn’t need to say it any more because you should know by now (guy logic!)
      • he may not love you any more
      • he may be taking you for granted

      Ask him where you stand. It’s better to know the truth than to be wondering forever more.

      Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?

  13. Varsha Vinod says:

    I am in an ldr for 1 year and 3 months now. We studied in the same college. We met daily and had happy time at college for 1 and a half years. He passed out one year before me and he moved few kms away from my home. We used to meet once in 3 months. When we were 2 and a half years into the relationship, he shifted to canada. I stay in India and now we are on a super far ldr since 3 months. He calls every time he gets free. Leaves a message everytime he opens his WhatsApp. He is 23 and I am 21, in a 3 years long relationship. โ˜บ I know we ll last. Hope we are on the right path

What Do You Think? Anything to Add?


CommentLuv badge