NEVER Do This After Your First Date. Really??

There’s a debate about this one. The question is should you send a thank you text after your first date if you want a second date?

After Your First DateI just watched a video by Rachel Greenwald author of “Have Him At Hello!” who conducted a poll of a thousand single men to get the data for her book and is quite adamant that you should NEVER send a thank you mail or text after a first date.

The reason is that sending a thank you text is a subtle form of pursuing a guy and men like to be the ones doing the chasing.

Rachel advises you should give your thanks at the end of the date and then leave it all up to him to get in contact, so that there’s a bit of mystery in the air about whether he’s going to be rejected or not. Apparently men think it’s nice if you send the text. They feel good about it. But they don’t feel good about you.

Why I Don’t Agree

In general, I don’t like this kind of game playing and rule making in dating. People are all different and they don’t react in the same way to various ploys and tactics. I’m sure a thousand guys did not give the same answer to this question. And there have been other polls like this one that give the opposite advice with 87% of guys wanting a text from you.

I would say what you should do depends very much on the personality of the guy you’re dating and the situation.

With an extremely confident alpha-type who thinks a lot of himself, the thank you text will probably just massage his ego. He has no qualms about pursuing you if he wants to see you again and the thank you text makes you seem a bit desperate and a pushover to a guy like this. If you know you are dealing with a very confident guy, thank him at the end of the date then wait for him to contact you.

But if your date is the least bit shy and reserved, and especially if you’re not sure how clear you were that you liked him at the end of the date, I would say that the thank you text will be very welcome and encourage him to ask you out on a second date. He has nothing to fear by getting in touch because he knows you are going to be happy to hear from him.

What to text after your date

If you’re going to text after your first date, keep it light and informal. You don’t want it to sound like a duty letter to a maiden aunt or to come on too strong like you are instantly smitten with him. Try something like “Thanks for fun dinner/coffee/time tonight/last night” and follow it up with something specific about the date that says you were paying attention for example “Loved your story about…” or “I wouldn’t have guessed you were a … fan like me” !

And after that one message leave it to him!

Here’s Rachel’s video if you want to see her advice on texting after the first date for yourself

Over to you: Are you a fan of the thank you text after a first date? Please share in the comments below.

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16 Responses to “NEVER Do This After Your First Date. Really??”

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  1. Lots of times, the guy texts first right after the date. You can text back and say thanks!

  2. krystal says:

    I texted a little bit when I met my husband we had our first date. He wasn’t much of a phone person though. Things have certainly changed!
    krystal recently posted…Host a Beer Tasting Party With Brazi Bites

  3. KimiLeVadge says:

    When I was single and dating, I’d send a text the next day to let him know (if) I enjoyed myself. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t. Single people often worry too much about the opinions of other single people. If they were as wise as they thought, they’d be happily married, lol

  4. Bonnie Gean says:

    I get upset when I hear how technology has overtaken even the easiest things, such as going on a date and what transpires afterwards.

    In my day, when we dated, it was a date and no text was necessary to let the dude know you had a good time. Most dates relay that information within the first hour! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I say leave the text and email out of the equation. If the dude liked you enough to ask for a second date – let him ask. Don’t act like a high school kid and text him the next day – that’s no way for a lady to act! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Bonnie Gean recently posted…WSO Infographics Package Update

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for your comment Bonnie. Technology is changing everything – the way we work, the way we date, the way we meet people. Some of it is good, some bad but I think we have to live with it. It’s not going away ๐Ÿ™‚ A lot of guys left comments on the video on YouTube saying that they needed the encouragement of the text but I do think every situation is different including the type of guys you go for, and whether shyness/lack of confidence puts you off. Not texting will filter some of them out.
      Ana recently posted…You Are Perfect Just As You Are

  5. Misty Spears says:

    Ya, see I really hate all these games that these experts expect us to play. Having said that…I don’t text. That’s right, not ever. I don’t even carry a cell phone. I’m a rebel and hate the way we have all become so dependent on technology that nobody gets personal with each other. Just go out to any restaurant and watch people out on dates or family’s eating together…they aren’t together, they all have their heads down in their phones or ipads or whatever. If I had a nice time, I would tell a guy at the end of the day, not text. I’d call if I wanted to. I’m a strong woman and if a man can’t handle it, then #1 he doesn’t deserve me and #2 why capture him without showing him who I truly am and have it end later anyway when he realizes what he got isn’t what he expected?
    Misty Spears recently posted…Chalk Painted Furniture Waxing Basics

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for sharing Misty. I’ve had to ban my husband from using his Smartphone at the table because that’s really rude and irritating. I’ve also been out on dinners with sales guys when I was working over in Europe on business and they’d spend the whole time doing email on their Blackberries until I wanted to smash the thing against the wall. As for dates, as long as they know where they stand with you and don’t expect a text, there’s no harm in sticking to your guns.
      Ana recently posted…How To Flirt With Your Husband

  6. Edie Dykeman says:

    Wow! Obviously I am out of touch with current dating etiquette, but I don’t believe the woman should make the first move after the first date. I agree a thank you at the end of the date and letting him know she had fun is sufficient. If he wants to pursue it, then all the better.
    Edie Dykeman recently posted…Teach Your Children About the Environment

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for sharing Edie. I think the cell phone has changed the way we do a lot of things not just dating. I’m not sure yet if it’s a good thing or a bad things but we’ll never put that particular genie back in the lamp so we have to learn to live with it ๐Ÿ™‚
      Ana recently posted…Three Things To Share From My Week

  7. rm says:

    Times have changed. It past time for women to “woman up” and become equal partners, be honest and expresss themselves and their interest … when a good hearted intelligent fair man takes a woman out, shows her a great time, good conversation and drops some bucks on ( not expecting sex in return ) and does not get a sincere thanks of appreciation he’s not going to be calling you again … maybe this is why you end up with the jerks?

  8. Christian says:

    DEFINITELY! As a successful lawyer, and (mostly) confident guy,with a good house, car and generally speaking: a great life – Ladies please – for the love of god – listen to this and SEND a thank you message (or some way to communicate (phone call, text, pigeon-message, etc) and leave it in his court(IF your interested))!

    A guy works up the courage to ask you out, pick you up, pay for dinner, be attentive to your needs, and then drop you off – the least you can do is send some thank-you. And NO – simply verbally saying it was fun afterwards isn’t enough, as even the blokes you didn’t have a good night with get that (Doesn’t the guy whose company you really enjoy deserving of PERHAPS a bit more?..)!

    A lady who can’t communicate not only comes across as “inconsiderate”/”uninterested”, but “unappreciative.” How can this be expected as grounds for a second date? Although men are quite visual from one guy who considers himself quite a catch – looks just aren’t everything. If any ladies reading take nothing else from this response, try and remember this: No matter what any persons stance may be – I think one thing any reasonable individual can agree on is that ANY/EVERY relationship (friendship, love, or otherwise) takes two participants!

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