Why You Want to Call Your Ex and Why You Shouldn’t

When you break up with your guy, there’ll be a big mix of feelings and emotions going through you.

Why You Should Not Call Your ExOn the one hand, you might feel relieved, maybe you’re smiling again, and perhaps feeling optimistic about the future.

On the other hand, you might be feeling pangs of loneliness or guilt, and you might be tempted to call your ex.

If you were the one to break up with him

Maybe you want to make sure he’s alright. If you’re the one who broke things up, you might feel responsible for him being miserable and want to check he’s not suffering too much, that he’s happy, and even moving on.

Doing this might feel like a good idea at the time to ease your conscience, but it can backfire in so many ways. If he’s still miserable, you’ll end up feeling more guilty, possibly guilty enough to consider meeting up again.

You might get an earful of apologies and excuses for the behavior that led to to the split. You could end up having to listen to a barrage of insults or put downs that you really don’t need.

On the other hand, he could sound like he’s doing really well. In which case, you could be hit with feelings of jealousy and anger that you’re still hurting about the break up and having to end things, while he seems to be over it too soon, as if your relationship meant nothing.

If he was the one to break up with you

If he’s the one who broke things off, you could be tempted to call, just to hear his voice or you may be hoping that he has changed his mind. Perhaps you want to make your own excuses or apologies or make him feel guilty. Or you might feel that he deserves to hear what you really think of him and want to give him a piece of your mind in order to get it off your chest.

This can only end badly. He’s the one who ended things. He’s made up his mind and you’d do better to get used to it. Talking to him or complaining to him won’t change anything. It’ll probably be like water off a duck’s back and you’ll only feel worse that it made no difference. Rant to a friend if you need to, and forget about calling him.

How To Stop Yourself Calling Him

The best course of action is to take his number off your phone completely to remove any temptation of a late-night or desperate call. You won’t have the option to drunk call or text him easily, which would be embarrassing and may get in the way of your own healing. If you don’t have his number to hand, it will much more difficult to get in touch. Also, ask your friends to stop you if they see you are tempted to get in touch.

It’s best to give yourself time to heal and move on. Put some space between you.

But what if you were meant to be?

If you are convinced that you’re meant to be, but he broke things off, still don’t call. If you think he’ll regret breaking up and there isn’t anyone else for you, time will prove that. Trying to make something happen by calling for whatever reason won’t work.

Give yourself a break, delete his number, and find something else to occupy yourself. The healing process will happen faster if you make a clean cut. If he wants to resume things, he’ll get in touch.

Over to you: Have you ever been tempted to call an ex? How did that work for you? Please share in the comments below

Image Credit: © Depositphotos.com/koya979

14 Responses to “Why You Want to Call Your Ex and Why You Shouldn’t”

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  1. I enjoyed your post. I’ve been there and done all that so many times. You call him to make sure he’s alright and whatever he answers it’s not what you want to hear. You’re right. It’s best not to call. But it’s so hard, isn’t it? You expect him to be suffering just like you are. You think he must be. So you call. Nope! He’s not. Arghh. We do it to ourself. Thanks for sharing. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Jeanne Melanson recently posted…Peter the Elephant Plays Piano, 12 Bar Blues Music Duet in Thailand

  2. Clara says:

    I had this sort of problem when I was younger, but experience has taught me to not be so controlling or needy in relationships. Good advice!
    Clara recently posted…Natural Remedies for the Signs of Aging

  3. Beth Hewitt says:

    Aww breaking up is hard to do.

    I think it’s harder when there are kids involved and you have to ring for arrangements and kids and others things like that.

    What a pants part of life, but it sure is a great test of strength and character.

    Beth Hewitt recently posted…WPFixit – Fixed It…

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for sharing Beth. If there are kids involved you can’t avoid calling and also if you were a long term couple and there are arrangements to be made about shared financial commitments etc. I suppose the trick then is to stay as calm and clear as you can about the reason for the call and keep it short and polite.
      Ana recently posted…Dating Dangers: Is He Too Good To Be True?

  4. Misty Spears says:

    Great advice. I haven’t dated in quite a long time but I remember it and how much it sucks to break up, on either end of it. Calling only prolongs the pain and makes it worse. Definitely don’t do it.
    Misty Spears recently posted…Random Writing: Procrastination is a Killer

  5. Avery says:

    Good tips, Ana. I think one of the best things you can do when going through a break up is to stay busy. Take up a new hobby. Go out with the girls. Find a class on a subject that you’ve always wanted to learn more about. Stay busy and you’ll have less time to think about him.
    Avery recently posted…How to Generate Content for Your Blog in 15 Minutes or Less

  6. Donna Ward says:

    Great post and so true – when I was a single mom, years ago…I would usually be the one to break up — because of ‘red lights’ popping up in the relationships…and I would tell myself, ‘However he was acting with me, he will be doing with the next one. I want nothing of it.” Then I found the one that hung onto me…and I fell for him. ๐Ÿ™‚ 22 years married last month! YAY ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes, experience taught me.
    Donna Ward recently posted…The Law of Action and Business

  7. Great tips – It could be accented with the Marilyn Monroe quote below – “Every woman needs a man who will ruin her lipstick and not her mascara”.
    Marilyn Thompson recently posted…The Power of Words

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