You know how it is when you decide to lose weight. You want to feel better about yourself. You want to look and feel great. You think your guy will love the new you.
So how come it’s common for guys not to encourage you in your efforts?
Sometimes they gripe about your latest attempt, sometimes they tease about all the failed attempts that have gone before and sometimes, “horror of horrors,” they even bring home tempting treats for you that you can well do without.
Why is that?
If your guy is not over the moon that you are losing weight, one or more of the following reasons may ring true.
He Doesn’t Like Change
Perhaps he is worried that you’ll no longer be serving up the meals he likes or baking his favorite cakes or that you will never want to eat out with him at a restaurant. Perhaps he thinks you’ll have no time for him if you spend all your spare time at the gym.
Whatever the truth of it, he just needs reassurance that you are not going to upset the status quo just because you want to lose weight. Cook tasty meals that he would not dream are low in calories and serve yourself a smaller portion. Continue to go out with him now and again and just be careful what you order (or have one night off a week.) And make sure you still give him plenty of attention, especially on the days you exercise.
He’s Insecure
He thinks you might kick him to the curb if you get a gorgeous new body and the self-confidence that goes with that. He has visions of you wafting away into the sunset with some guy from accounts while he is left high and dry.
If you think this is the problem, he just needs reassurance that you still love him and that you want to get fit and slim to please him not anyone else (if that’s true!)
He’s Envious
If he could do with losing weight too, he won’t like it if you slim down and he stays exactly where he is. You’re showing up his lack of willpower and affecting his sense of self.
You could encourage him to join you in your quest, but you’ll have to be subtle about it, otherwise he will see it as a further attack on him. Invite him to join you in a walk or game of tennis and take him dancing or swimming. Don’t brag about your successes. Ask him if he wants what you’re planning to eat or something else so that he feels like he’s making a choice. If you make the effort to find diet recipes where the food tastes even better than your normal fare, he won’t be able to resist!
He’s Trying To Control You
Loving you for yourself “exactly the way you are” does not mean insisting you stay the same forever. Someone who generally loves you would support your efforts when you are not happy with “exactly the way you are” and decide to do something about it. If he loved you for yourself, he wouldn’t try to control and undermine you.
It’s hard to tell the difference between him temporarily not supporting you because he’s spooked out by one of the above reasons or a deeper problem in your relationship. Think about whether this is the only example of him trying to control you and stop you doing what you want, and if it’s not, it’s time to think about the future of your relationship, or to get help to sort out the dynamics of it.
If you find your guy unhelpful, and he doesn’t support your diet, it may be something he’s doing subconsciously, rather than a mean attempt at sabotage. It’s time to let him know how much your success means to you and give him some ways he can make you happy by supporting you.
For example, you could ask him to book restaurants that have something other than 2000-calorie options, request that he treats you to flowers or a movie rather than bringing home chocolate, or suggest he helps you use up lots of energy in the bedroom. He’s quite likely to like at least one of those ideas!
Note from Ana: I’m on the 5:2 diet at the moment to lose a few pounds before summer and my husband has been very supportive because he’s joined me on it, even though he’s fine just as he is. Only thing is, I get 500 calories as a woman and he gets 600 calories as a man on the two diet days. It’s really hard when he has more food than me when I’m eating so little. This is one of those days. I may eat this blog post from hunger. LOL
Over to you: How does your guy react when you’re on a diet? Do you have any tips on making him more supportive? Guys, how do you feel when your partner goes on (yet another) diet? Please share in the comments below.
Another reason (one that applies to my man) … he has never had to diet.
I think guys tend to lose quicker too – so unfair 🙂 Thanks for your comment Kathy.
Ana recently posted…Relationship Danger: Are You Coasting?
Great post. It’s so hard to do Anything when your spouse doesn’t support you… great suggestions for how to better understand and handle it 🙂
Thanks Emily – that’s true that it makes anything more difficult if he’s not supportive.
Ana recently posted…Relationship Success – Depth Not Duration
Relationships require supporting each other!
I don’t do diets though!
Sophie Bowns recently posted…Teddy- Chapter 20
Thanks for your comment Sophie. Lucky you not having to diet. I used to be able to eat anything and not gain weight but that changed over time (or was it after two children? after too much red wine and pasta? Not sure)
Support is as important as love I think. He doesn’t have to agree with everything you do but sabotage is something else!
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Thanks for the great post, Ana. I find that my partner does try to support me but has different needs in term of diet and nutrition than I do and so it can be challenging to live together and find a bests supports us. Food and meals can be such a point of connection, especially in our busy lives and it does feel important to work together on this and still, take care of individual needs.
Beth recently posted…Day 28 ~ May Is For Metta 2014: Cultivating Peace On Earth
Thanks for your comment Beth. Oh it is difficult when you have different food requirements. I find that with my sons who are not doing any kind of diet. It really complicates meal planning etc and cooking for them on diet days is no fun at all.
Ana recently posted…How To Find Love With The Right Person
In my case, I t support but he didn’t come around to the diet change idea as quickly as I did. You could say he’s still working on it.
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Thanks for sharing Marilyn. At least he’s getting there.
Ana recently posted…22 Ways To Show Your Husband You Love Him (That He Will Get)
I think when someone is insecure or a change is new to them, they are fearful because they do not understand the change. Once the change is properly understood, I believe most guys would be open to the idea.
And they get a partner who is much happier with herself which has to be good all round for the guy too. Thanks for your comment Nate.
Ana recently posted…Relationship Danger: Are You Coasting?
I’ve had problems trying to lose weight in the past because he sits in front of me and eats candy or sucks on an ice cream cone when I clearly can’t have them.
He doesn’t see anything wrong with doing this, so I am at my wits end trying to figure him out.
Bonnie Gean recently posted…My First WSO Product Launch – One Week Later
Thanks for sharing Bonnie. If it’s not malicious, then it sounds like he subconsciously wants you to fail – for any of the reasons in the post – even if he says he doesn’t understand. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care if he shows he cares in other ways. I think this one might be won at the store. If there’s nothing in the house, he can’t eat it in front of you and you can’t be tempted. But if he buys the food or brings “treats” home, it might be a case of leaving the room when he eats the food you don’t want to eat. Also be careful that you are not using him as an easy excuse because you really want that food!
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