You would think that with all the different ways to meet people these days (I talk about 182 of them in my book!) and the way women can do anything they like without anyone batting an eyelid (including asking guys out) finding love would be easier than ever.
But in reality, dating is getting more and more tricky to negotiate and your chances of finding love on any one date are much lower than they ever used to be.
We’re Time Poor (Or Think We Are)
We are all trying to fit so much into our lives that we tend to do everything at a breakneck speed including finding a potential partner.
With the increase in popularity of online and speed dating, if you don’t hit it off with a guy right away, chances are you’re thinking it’s a waste of time to ever see him again, and he is thinking the same about you.
In the days when people got to know each other naturally over several encounters, you would know the real person not the one who was potentially a bit nervous and trying too hard to impress on one stressful night.
We Are Picky Consumers
We have learned to be picky about what we buy because we have so much choice available to us at the click of a button and we often look at potential partners in the same way.
It’s as if we had a kind of shopping list. He must be good looking. He must be financially solvent. He must be taller than us. He must share our interests. He must make us laugh. And on and on.
With such a long list of requirements, we are often disappointed. And, it has to be said, you are just as likely to disappoint him.
Yet it doesn’t take someone with all the qualities on our “perfect partner shopping list” to make us happy – we just think it does. In fact, it can be pretty boring living with Mr. or Mrs. Perfect who shares all your interests and never puts a foot wrong.
We Are Influenced By Popular Culture
Not only are we picky, but the range of what is acceptable to us may very well be shrinking because popular culture (especially social media) has become so judgmental.
Over time the range of eligible traits that we are supposed to admire in terms of looks, weight, fitness, personality, career prospects and possessions has become tighter and we may start dismissing people not based on our own values but on what we think others would make of our guy.
And, it doesn’t help that he may be using the same kind of criteria when he decides whether he wants to take things further with us.
We Have Endless Choice (Or So We Think)
If we decide to give a guy a chance we’re always wondering if we could do better because we’re no longer limited to the people we would normally meet in the course of our life like we might have been a few decades ago.
This leads to comparing people not just with those we know but also the thousands of other potential unknown dates out there. How can we ever be happy with this one? We’re comparing him with the ideal who doesn’t exist – but who we think might exist among the multitudes out there! And he’s thinking, why should he settle for us when there’s some perfect woman out there for him.
If this is making you even more depressed about ever finding love, don’t let it get you down. Don’t give up! People still get together and hit it off every day. You may need to be a bit more proactive about dating though and, perhaps, alter your mindset a bit if you recognize yourself in the points above.
- Approach dating with the attitude of getting to know a human being and don’t be too quick to decide that he’s not for you
- Choose activities that you’ll enjoy so that it’s not about judging someone over dinner or coffee but about having fun and seeing if you get on together
- Try to see beyond the superficial.
- Get rid of the notion that there’s a perfect person out there. Perfect people do not exist.
- Be on your best behavior but still let him see the real you. There’s no point trying to impress because you have to be open and honest to have a real relationship
- Don’t get demoralized if you find yourself rejected. It’s going to happen if you put yourself out there. It may have worked out if you’d been given a fair chance (like you might have had in the past) but there’s not much you can do about it. All you can do is move on and find someone who likes you and has a more mature attitude to dating
Over To You: Do you think it is getting more difficult to find love these days? Are friends and family finding it so? Please share in the comments below.