The good news is, you got a date! You get to dress up nicely and get to know someone you like at least enough to agree to a date.
However, there are always things that can go wrong. Some things can’t be helped, but if your last few dates haven’t gone too well, take a look at this list of first date mistakes and see if there’s anything you are doing that is affecting how many second dates you get.
It’s understandable that you would be at least a little nervous, but just breathe slowly, calm down and everything will be OK. Getting yourself in a tizzy will result in you doing and saying things that are out of character. Look at it this way, he decided to go out with you, that’s already a good thing. Relax and remember you’re going out together to have fun and enjoy good company. This isn’t an audition or job interview. It’s not the end of the world if it goes wrong. If needed, take a bath, watch something funny, or even take a brisk walk to clear your head and get your nerves under control.
Drinking Too Much
You may feel that a few drinks will help you relax, and that’s OK, but take it easy. A glass of wine or two during dinner or meeting in a bar is fine, but drink too much and you’ll find yourself doing or saying things that will be embarrassing the next morning. Know what your limits are, how you react to different drinks, and keep a clear head. For more on this see Mixing Sex And Alcohol? Oops!
When getting ready for the date, think about where you’ll be going and dress accordingly. Dress in a way that is feminine, but not too revealing. This is the time to be building respect and that’s hard to do if he’s distracted by your cleavage or super short mini skirt. It helps if you know where you’ll be meeting, so you can choose appropriate clothing – not too formal or too casual for the place you’re going. See What To Wear On A Date – 10 Things To Get Right for more on this
Guys are not into details as a rule, but you can be sure that bad smells, dirty fingernails, and an unkempt appearance will ruin the impression you make. You don’t need to go overboard. But give yourself time to prepare so you are clean and tidy. Anything less and he is going to run a mile.
Bringing Up The Past
There are some points of discussion that should be off limits on a first date. The biggest no-no is talking about your ex or exes. This is not the time to vent about how hurt you’ve been, the bad choices you’ve made in your life, how your last ex screwed you over, left you damaged, or ruined you for anyone else. You’re dating to give yourself another chance, so don’t spoil it by bringing up the past.
Too Many Questions
Remember, you’re on a date. This is meant to be fun, not an interrogation. You do want to ask questions and find out about the person you’re with, but keep it light. You don’t need to know all about his background, his thoughts on having children, and his long-term plans for the future on a first date. Of course, if he brings it up, that’s his choice, but peppering your date with deep questions can start to feel like a job interview which can make him feel uncomfortable.
There is no need to show off how much you earn or to complain about the price on the menu (or the price of anything for that matter). It’s Ok to ask about what your date does but never how much he earns by doing it! The majority of men still feel it’s right for a man to pay on the first date, but always offer to pay your share.
Controversial or Deep Discussions
In general, it’s best to keep things light and stay away from anything too deep or controversial. Politics, religion, the economy, your passion for fighting human slavery, and other strong discussions might be a bit much for a first date. Of course, if you’re both highly involved in politics or humanitarian work, then that might be an exception. It’s something you obviously have in common. But otherwise keep away from those topics. Sure the world is having a lot of problems, but a first date might not be the best place to bring them up. Keep things humorous, light, and don’t spoil the mood with anything too heavy.
Talking Too Much
Do you tend to prattle on when you’re nervous, and do most of the talking? Do you monopolize the conversation when you’re with someone and give him little chance to contribute more than a sentence or two before you butt in? This gets boring very quickly for your date and comes across as self-centered. Make sure the guy has a chance to speak. Ask a few questions that encourage light conversation, and show that you’re interested in him.
Silence Is A Killer
On the other side of the coin, uncomfortable silences are also mood killers. No one wants to go on a date and spend the whole time staring at their drink, waiting for it all to be over. Even if you’re not the best conversationalist, answer questions with more than monosyllabic responses and share a bit about yourself. Try to think of questions to ask to keep the conversation going and show that you’ve been listening. Don’t be afraid to laugh, use humor, and enjoy yourself.
If you have the choice of where to meet suggest something simple. You might feel you want things to be memorable or even perfect, but unless you already know each other pretty well, you want to go to a place where you can talk (and be heard above the background music), be close without being too close, and not have to worry about something going wrong or looking stupid. Here are 108 First Date Ideas if you’re stuck but it’s best to choose those where you (and he) will be most comfortable and can relax and get to know each other. There’s nothing wrong with a simple coffee date or meeting up for a drink in a quiet bar.
Give your date your full attention. Put your phone on silent, and ignore it as much as you can. There’s no need to log every movement on Facebook and Twitter and your friends can wait for a few hours while you spend time enjoying yourself and your date’s company. Don’t act like you can hardly wait for the date to be over, so you can go back to your phone. If you need to take a call, do so politely and be as short as you can. Leave the rest for later.
Too Keen Too Soon
It’s OK to show a guy you like him and enjoy his company, flirt with him and tease him a little and make it clear you enjoyed yourself. In fact, being too cool may make him feel that you would not be open to a second date, and he may not want to risk rejection and ask!
On the other hand, don’t be so into him, that you look desperate. That’s not attractive to anyone and will make him feel hunted. Don’t make the first move to touch or kiss him on the first date, and remember, if he tries to get you to sleep with him, you’re more likely to get a second date from a genuine guy wanting a long term relationship, if you say “No” (see Should you sleep with him on the first date?)
If you want to be sure to get the balance right to attract the right guy and keep him interested, download this freebie report How to Be Irresistible – Attract And Keep Him Forever and put it into action.
While you can be pretty sure that both you and he are there to have a good time, and get to know each other, it has to be said, that some dates end in a nightmare. Don’t jeopardize your safety. Even if your date has no evil intentions, if you feel edgy and at risk, you’re hardly going to relax, enjoy yourself and be good company. Follow these safe dating tips so you can feel safe and have a good time.
It’s seldom that a first date is perfect. Things might happen that are out of your control. But the key is to remember that nothing in life is ever perfect. If you do your best to follow the tips given here and relax, chances things will go very well. Focus on the positives, laugh, and smile and see if you can make the evening fun for both of you. Who knows if you are right for each other. You can’t control that, but at least you can have a good time finding out.
OVER TO YOU: What first date disasters have you had? Could they have been avoided? Any more tips on making a first date go well? PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW
I’ve definitely done the drinking mistake when I was younger. I turned into a real ‘cool’ chick who woke up the next morning totally embarrassed with myself. Oh my god…even thinking about how I acted makes me shudder.
Bellaisa recently posted…4 Questions To Ask Yourself About That Person Before You Date Them Again!
I think we’ve all done things when we were younger that would make us blush now… thanks for sharing Bellaisa
I’m so happy I’m married and don’t need to go thru this sh*t!
Great tips! X
My Inner Chick recently posted…Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The Fire
I know what you mean, it’s a tough world out there – I have a few friends going through it for the second time – human nature doesn’t change but what is seen as acceptable behavior has definitely changed – and you have to keep up with technology too – it makes a huge difference to how we relate – plus something new seems to come in every five minutes and upset the apple cart. Good idea to stay married – much more fun 🙂