If you notice your husband or boyfriend looking at and flirting with other women, it can leave you feeling very insecure and make you doubt his feelings towards you.
You might think it means you’re not quite enough for him, and reason that if he really loved you, he wouldn’t need to look elsewhere, much less flirt around.
How much of what he’s doing is really flirting and how much is your insecurity?
Be honest now, do you never flirt with anyone at all since you got together? Is it possible that you’re just as friendly as he is, but you have a bit of a double standard in how you’re judging him?
Maybe he’s not being flirty, maybe he’s more of a sociable type, who has no trouble smiling at people and chatting to strangers. Some guys just like to charm the world, and it means nothing other than that they have an open, friendly personality.
These guys are generally fun to be with. Enjoy the positive, charming side of him and learn to accept his personality for what it is, as long as he still makes you feel special whether you’re alone or out and about and that you’re not just one of a crowd of people he gets on well with. It should be obvious to anyone he flirts with that you and he are together and that he’s not hitting on them.
If he’s equally friendly with men and women, if he’s generally polite and smiles easily, and if he’s chatty with pretty much any woman, not just the beautiful ones, relax, you’ve probably got nothing to worry about.
If it’s mainly attractive women he uses his charm on, it could be that flirting with women has become such a habit, he doesn’t even know he’s still doing it, now that he’s with you.
Work out if it’s just a habit he’s not even aware of or if he’s actively looking to cheat on you. If he really wants to consciously flirt and attract women, he’ll be taking numbers and may touch them as well as chat to them during the conversation not just in greeting. He may leave you alone (even if he knows you’re upset) while he flirts or hide his behavior once he knows you’ve spotted him up to his tricks.
If you think he’s looking to cheat, that’s a much bigger problem to deal with than his mere flirting. It’s time to reassess your relationship and talk seriously about what’s going on.
But if it’s just his flirting with attractive women that gets to you, it’s still important not to brush the problem under the carpet and let the issue eat away at you.
Rather than giving him a hard time when you notice him flirting, wait for a neutral time and tell him honestly how it makes you feel when he’s being overly friendly or flirtatious.
You can reassure him that you don’t want to be that jealous, overbearing girlfriend who never allows her man to even look at another woman, but let him know that his behavior bothers you by making you feel like he doesn’t respect you, that you’re not good enough or that he’s not being honest with you about his feelings.
If he cares, he’ll try to change his behavior, although if it’s something he does unconsciously, it could still take some time before he completely breaks the habit. Once you’ve had the initial serious chat, you could mention it in a teasing way every time you catch him flirting, so he knows you noticed, and it will help him squash the habit without you coming over as an insecure nag.
Over to you: Have you had this experience with a guy who flirts with other women? What did you do about it? Please share in the comments below
I’ve noticed a lot of my friends (when we were all single and dating) that they held the double standard. It was okay for them but not for the guys. Pointing out that in this post is great advice. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. 🙂 Great advice.
Thanks Angela.
Ana recently posted…The Five To One Relationship Secret
Wow! I remember when I was dating, I had a fellow do that – and our little teenage friend asked him, “why would you flirt when you have someone special already with you?” Great post. 🙂
Donna Ward recently posted…The Law of Correspondence and Business
Usually we are the only ones who notice but if someone else does, there must be a lot of flirting going on. Thanks for sharing Donna.
Ana recently posted…5 Things To Find Out About Your Date
My fiancé is very friendly person. He likes to talk to girls the way that I don’t approve. Am I just feeling I want that attention? How do I get that attention?
It depends on many factors. Some people are naturally friendly/flirty with everyone. It’s part of their natural charm. But if he’s only like this with attractive girls and not with everyone then that’s a good reson to be annoyed by it and ask him to stop. It may be a habit with him, and he’s not even aware he does it or how much it upsets you. He may be out to make you jealou. He may be dependent on the admiration of these girls to prop up his sef-esteem. It would interesting to be a fly on the wall and see how he acts when you’re not there. Because when you are, he knows it’s not going anywhere. He may feel he’s safe to flirt exactly because he thinks his rock-solid commitment to you is clear.
So with all these questions, if he only flirts with attractive girls, it might be time for a calm discussion on what’s going on.
And then the other factor is you. How confident are you in yourself? If you were very confident in yourself would you still worry about the flirting? I have a confident friend who has been married for years. Her husband is a friendy/flirty type. It doesn’t bother her because at the end of the day it doesn’t mean anything and they are happy together.
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I caught my boyfriend flirt with other girls for the past few months. It really got to me & it hurt me. He said he was going to stop flirting with other girls but still does the same thing. I tried to break up with him because I had enough of this, no girl deserves to be hurt! But then he claims that he loves me a lot & that he doesn’t wanna lose me. & he even tried to hurt himself only because I tried to leave.
Hi Araceli,
I think Im in your situation right now. And if it’s possible I really want to receive advices from you. What did you do at that time and what happened finally. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable or sth.
Thank you so much!!!
I am in a relationship have known each other for several years we are living together now I work he is retired he has Facebook so do I he keeps me from seeing who are his friends so when one of them posts I look them up and find messages more than like. I have confronted him and he always says quit being so jealous he turns it around on me I am not jealous just asking why does he do that
Dc
I don’t know why he does that. I would be more than annoyed if my husband did that, so I would try to get to the bottom of this. Is he teasing you and trying to make you feel he has something to hide? If he is, he is being unkind and needs to stop. If he actually has something to hide, then he needs to be honest about that too. Arrgh! Good luck with this love Ana x
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