I think I failed miserably at the very beginning with my communication challenge yesterday.
As luck would have it I chose a day to start when there were two apparently important soccer matches on TV (both the English and Scottish cup finals) and he had to cut the grass all around the house, a job he hates at the best of times, so he wasn’t much in the mood for a chat or for going out for a walk, my usual ploy when I want to chat.
But it got me thinking not just about the two minute chat thing but about the general amount of time and attention that we pay to our most important relationships.
Does the chance of a chat with me come somewhere after soccer and grass-cutting?
I wasn’t going to take the risk of being annoyed by asking him.
He would probably say he could chat to me any time anyway and that he chats to me all the time. But by now, I know where his priorities lie when I’m not in any kind of immediate danger of absconding or exploding. I reckon I’m above grass cutting but I try not to come between him and his passion for soccer!
Anyway, I thought we could all do with knowing what kind of priority we are giving our partners (or potential partners), so I put together the following questions.
- Has your schedule been taken over by obligations to others and not to each other?
- Are you giving your most important relationship enough time and attention?
- In what ways are you falling short and why?
- Is your partner quite tolerant of that or is he feeling that he is way down on your priority list?
- If he’s tolerant are you abusing his good nature?
- Are you getting to be more like roommates sharing home and finances than lovers?
- How could you spend more quality time together? (for example, alternative date night or more usual kind of date nights!)
- Are you so over-committed in the rest of your life that you are leaving yourself no time to find or be with someone special?
- If you are over-committed, are you happy that you’re giving that part of your life such a low priority?
- If you’re not planning to be single forever, when are you going to make changes in your life to give finding someone a priority?
I am still pondering the answers, wondering about whether I need to do more (because we are pretty happy already and I don’t want to start rocking boats.) I’m also thinking about how I could possibly do more if I decide we should.
Over to you: Whether the questions made you think that you would like things to change, or decide that you’re doing just fine, please share your thoughts in the comments below.