Fairy stories tend to throw in a “happy ever after” at the crucial moment when the heroine finds Mr Right (or Prince Charming as they like to call him) but almost half those charming princes will turn into toads within a decade.
It’s sad but you can’t rely on “Happy Ever After” being any more than “Happy For Now” in your relationship, unless you do what it takes to make sure the “Happy” in your relationship is forever.
Here are ten secrets to achieving your “Happy Ever After” wherever your relationship is right now.
Before you even try and meet Mr Right, make sure you believe you deserve him. Insecurity can wreck any relationship with possessiveness and jealousy and downright neediness. Pathetic princesses may need rescuing, but you can bet that they believe they are worth the trouble and not worrying that their Prince is looking over his shoulder at other women!
Happy ever after starts with your choice of guy. You may be drawn to exciting, dynamic men and that’s great for a short term relationship.
It’s often said that “girls like bad guys who are nice with them, and guys like nice girls who are bad with them”, but just think what Mr Exciting and Dynamic is going to be like down the road when you are left with two screaming kids and morning sickness.
Will he stand by you? Will he be patient through the difficult years? Or will he be out doing exciting things with someone else? Get some clues by how he is when you are sick now, before you get too attached. Be extra careful if he was unfaithful with a previous partner. He might not be a stand by you kind of guy but one who cuts loose at the first sign of trouble.
Alternative: look for Mr Kind and Loving instead of Mr Exciting and Dynamic.
Over the course of a lifetime, you will change. Of course, you will. We all grow older, gain a bit of weight and more than a few wrinkles. But don’t become so unlike the you he first got together with that you would be hard to recognize. If you took trouble with your appearance in the early years, don’t let yourself go a year or two after you get your guy.
And never pretend to be someone you’re not to get a guy, unless you want to live as that person for a lifetime.
If you want to be loved forever, be loving. All the time. It costs nothing. All it takes is giving him your attention, being interested in him, caring how he feels and making small gestures that let him know he is loved.
Stay Out Of Debt
Plenty of “Happy Ever Afters” are destroyed by money troubles, so if you don’t have a king’s ransom to live on, make sure that you use what you have wisely. Live below your means, and save something every month to take you through lean times. You’ll have far less stress and fewer arguments, if you have that security cushion in place.
If you have differing views about money, talk them through before you hook up, and make sure you both contribute to that “Happy Ever After” savings pot.
Make sure you have loads of good times together that will create a shared past that makes you both smile when you look back. Good times don’t have to be expensive – you can have some great dates (try this list of date ideas) and make some great sexy memories too (why not start a sexy bucket list?). If you’re creating great memories all the time, you are truly living a “Happy Ever After”. Why would either of you want to stop?
Make Your House A Haven
Don’t try too hard to create a “Homes And Gardens” style palace. Clean is good. Comfortable is good. Stylish is good only if it’s still comfortable and you both feel like you can kick your shoes off and relax without worrying about messing up the place. If you have higher standards than your Prince, be prepared to do a bit more than your share of the chores or pay for a cleaning service. Don’t let conflict over chores be a passion killer. Endless nagging does not belong in a “Happy Ever After” household.
Meals are a great way to spend time with each other. If you’re always rushing about and heating food up in the microwave you’re probably not making enough time for each other in other ways either. Take time to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together as often as you can manage it. And if the way to your guy’s heart is through his stomach, one of you could do with learning to cook!
Pay Attention To The Rough Patches
All relationships go through rough patches. If you pay attention, you will see them coming and head them off before they become entrenched. Never stop communicating. If your sex life is dwindling, don’t make excuses and think it will sort itself out. It may not. It may get worse until you have one of those almost sexless relationships. If you are starting to argue about something, make a point of talking about it (“We seem to be arguing about…a lot these days”) before the situation escalates. Work out a compromise BEFORE communication breaks down and your relationship with it.
Remember the #1 Sex Tip
Have sex. Have a lot of it. And be 100% into it. See recent blog post THE Secret To Great Sex
OVER TO YOU: Do you have any tips for creating a “Happy Ever After”? What has created yours? Do you agree with this selection? PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW