It’s not always easy to trust, often because of what has happened to you and your guy in previous relationships before you even set eyes on each other.
It can be done though. Here are ten ways to build trust in a relationship and never lose it:
Keep Your Promises
Right from the start show up when you say you will, call if you’re late, don’t cancel out on him and follow through with what you say you’ll do. Any kind of game playing destroys trust so don’t do it.
Allow Him To See The Real You
You don’t have to reveal all on a first date but don’t lie about anything. Gradually trust him enough to confide in him, firstly about day to day stuff, family and friends and then over time be open enough to talk about your desires, dreams and plans. Allow him to see your flaws too. You don’t have to be perfect, and he needs to accept the real you and not some perfect person.
Trust works both ways. When he confides in you, don’t criticize, just listen so he feels able to be open and honest with you too. If you judge him, he will clam up and not share.
Trust him to make plans, arrange dates and, once you are a couple, organize parts of your lives together. Don’t double check everything he does. Distrust breeds distrust.
It may seem boring to be predictable but it does allow him to trust you! If you decide to makes changes, explain yourself so he’s not left wondering why you’re suddenly starting to work late when you always worked 9 to 5 before and why you’re buying your undies from Agent Provocateur instead of Walmart!
It does no harm to tell a little white lie to spare his feelings if he asks you if you like his shirt and it makes him look washed out, but you need to be honest about big stuff like how you’re feeling, what he means to you and what your plans are. Golden rule: If it matters, then be honest about it. Also avoid lying to others in front of him – if you lie to them with ease, he will think that you may be lying to him too.
Don’t Keep Secrets
It takes a lot of energy to constantly keep a secret from someone close, so do all you can to avoid having anything coming between you like that. Old secrets are fine to keep provided they have no power over you now, but anything that still affects your emotions may be better out in the open than eroding the trust between you. It’s a tough call, if the secret could destroy your relationship, so think hard before you reveal all.
Tell Him What You Need
Don’t make him second guess what you want from him. That way he’ll understand the way you behave in certain situations and why you are upset when you don’t get what you need. It builds trust when what you say and what you do fits. Also, be clear about your boundaries. If you are firm when you say “No” then he knows exactly where he stands and he does not have to wonder what he can get away with!
Don’t stay in the dark, feeling suspicious and wondering. Ask about anything you don’t understand in your relationship. Trust is a two way street and if you feel he is changing, not being honest, or keeping secrets from you, it’s important to find out what is going on. Just remember to remain neutral – avoid being accusatory. Take the attitude, you’re just curious about this or that. In any case, don’t let things grow in your mind – ask while you can still remain calm about it.
It’s important to resolve issues as soon as they occur so that things don’t fester and get out of hand. Resolve any conflicts in a mature adult way so that neither of you are afraid to confront the other. If you lose your temper and try to wound him with your words, putting him down and name calling, he’ll never quite trust you. He’ll always know that you are capable of being vicious and hurting him. Avoid bringing up old hurts and flinging accusations. Stick to the matter that needs a resolution, and agree to walk away and resolve later, if you sense things starting to get out of hand. This goes along with not being hurtful see 23 Things NOT To Say To Your Man.
Although building trust is not easy, it’s far easier than rebuilding trust once it is lost. So do all you can not to destroy that, if you have it.
Your turn: I trust my husband because he’s never given me a reason not to trust him all the years we have been married. Do you trust your guy and does he trust you? Do you have any tips on that? Please share in the comments below.
Those communication issues, like asking questions (in non-accusatory ways) and fighting fair… So important!
D. A. Wolf recently posted…Does Marriage Bring Out Our “Worst” Selves?
I’m convinced, if they taught this kind of thing in schools, there would be far fewer unhappy people about and probably fewer divorces.