Not initiating sex is one of the biggest mistakes that women make when it comes to love. It sets up an imbalance in the relationship and takes any kind of control from your hands, while, oddly enough, he feels you have all the control because you are always the one to say “yes” or “no”.
But how do you get the message across, if you are not used to asking for sex?
It used to be frowned upon for women to initiate sex but that’s certainly not the case any more. You may be afraid, if you come on too strong, you’ll scare him off completely. But that’s unlikely if your love life is or has ever been good. Guys actually worry if you never make the first move that you don’t lust after them and, if anything, they’d like you to be more obvious rather than more subtle.
Use any of the following ways to let your guy know you’re ready for sex and see which gets the best response from him. All of these approaches are almost certain to put a smile on his face and turn into more action (and sexier sex) between the sheets.
If you want sex, ask for it in a way that leaves no doubt. This may not come naturally to you but the more you do it the easier it gets. If you’re not quite ready to do this, try some of the other ways and then come back to this simple way – it takes the hassle out of wondering how you’ll approach him!
Your guy will be thrilled that he doesn’t have to second guess what you’re after or initiate sex himself, wondering if you’re in the mood and whether his advances will be rejected. You are in the mood and you’re telling him in no uncertain terms! Phrases you could use are things like “Come to bed with me” “I need you now, in bed” or “Want to take a shower with me?”
Take Him By Surprise
Don’t wait until bed time to let him know you’re feeling like sex. You can approach him at any time and let him know you’ll be ready later. Give him a hug from behind when he’s busy loading the dishwasher, putting out the trash or surfing the net and whisper in his ear that you want him. If you can’t make love right away, the anticipation can help build sexual excitement.
Just make sure you fulfill your promises. It will be a real let down if, when it comes to bedtime, you have gone off the boil and are no longer interested because you are too tired or distracted by other things. Prevent that happening by keeping yourself in a sexual state of mind with a few wickedly sinful thoughts throughout the day about what you are going to get up to later.
Ramp It Up Slowly
If you feel the need to be more subtle than that, and you’re uncomfortable telling your partner how much you want him, you can demonstrate it instead with non-verbal cues. You can still give him a hug and surprise him but instead of telling him you want him in bed, kiss the side of his neck or seductively nibble his ear lobe to let him know you are thinking about him sexually. Then later cuddle up to him and stroke his arm and then his thigh. He should manage to get the general idea even though it’s not as direct!
More subtle still is when you let him know how much you appreciate him and still find him attractive. All you have to do is notice when your partner looks hot and tell him. You know those times when you look at him and suddenly know why you got together in the first place. Things like “You look gorgeous in that suit” or “I love when you get that look in your eye, like you did when we first met” can let him know you’re thinking about him that way, but it’s probably best to combine this with one of the other approaches if you want to get the message across you’re ready for sex.
Put Passion In Your Kisses
If you are used to giving a quick peck on the cheek to say goodbye as you or your man leave in the morning or at the end of the day when you get together again, up the ante and make your kisses more passionate with a long lingering kiss to put both of you in the mood for sex. In fact, kiss your man as much as you can to let him know how much you love him. It creates the intimacy and bonding that often leads to sex. If you’re already in bed, he’ll get the idea you are feeling frisky if you shower him with kisses – especially if you start with his lips and then work your way all down his body…
Offer A Back Rub
If your man seems tired and not in the mood, you may want to avoid initiating sex directly and risk rejection. But if you offer a back rub, he’s likely to accept. As you work your way down his body to his butt and thighs, you can subtly brush him with your breasts and body and gently work his inner thighs brushing against his hot spots to see if that doesn’t put him much more in the mood, no matter how tired he is!
If you have lingerie you wear when you’re in the mood or particular undies that he loves, put them on and be sure to tell him that you’re wearing them. Letting him know you’re wearing stockings and his favorite undies under your everyday clothes will let him know he’ll have the thrill of seeing and removing them later. That’s if he can wait at all. It’s worth having special lingerie just for that purpose! For the daring, you can try this trick by wearing a skirt with no panties at all. That should generate a bit of heat, when he finds out.
See the other articles in this series here: How To Bring The Spark Back Into A Relationship.
Send him a naughty text or (personal) email if you can be sure that he and no one else will see it. You may find that easier than saying the words. It doesn’t have to be particularly sexual to get the message across, but the sexier you make it, the more he’ll get the message. Try something like “Just thinking about what I could be doing with you in bed right now. Looking forward to you coming home” or “Thinking naughty thoughts about you. Tell you more later” and he should get the message.
As you cuddle up together watching TV gently brush over his pubic area through his clothes with the back of your hand or gently rub him and see what reaction you get. Things can heat up very quickly from this kind of not so subtle move without you having to say a word!
Read a book that turns you on either during the day or at bedtime and let him know what it is doing to you. You can always say to him “This book is hot, we should try this!” as long as it’s something you really want to try!
Join Him In The Shower
When he goes to take a shower, give him a few minutes, then take off your clothes, join him and start soaping him up! He’ll know for sure you’re ready for sex and are not just saving water!
Push Him Up Against The Wall
There’s no subtlety about this one either. If you want him, kiss him passionately and back him up against a wall then run your hands and your body over him. If he doesn’t get the message you’re ready for sex, he has to be brain dead. Time to call the emergency services!