In general, being needy is a negative thing. It smacks of a woman who doesn’t know her own mind – a bit of a doormat clinging to her guy, worried he’ll leave her unless she shapes herself to be everything he wants. Being needy is a sign of insecurity, and goes along with low feelings of self worth.
To be worthy of love, you have to value yourself. Look for what YOU want in a guy, and not settle for someone who will fail to make you happy. And then once you find him, you have to love your guy without losing yourself.
But you can go too far the other way too.
These days many women shrink from the very idea of needing a man, even looking for a man seems somehow desperate.
We know we can look after ourselves. Most of us have a job, business or career, and don’t need a guy to provide for us. We have made our own home just how we like it. We have friends. We have a life, with or without a man. Science has even made it possible to have a child without having a guy in tow.
If you’re independent, strong and single, you may want a man, but feel you don’t need one. You can be as picky as you like when you date, because a guy has to be perfect before you’ll let him into your life.
He has to be the icing on the cake, because you have your life all sorted out, thank you very much. And you don’t need just anyone to come in and mess things up, invading your privacy and space with his dirty socks.
But the problem with that is that no guy is perfect – the icing on the cake comes with dirty socks on the side (except in the movies).
You may never find a guy because you never let one in, afraid to disturb your equilibrium. Few guys make it past a couple of dates. You might let him into your bed, but not into your heart or the life you have made for yourself.
Do you have a shell that is hard to crack – the shell of independence, “I’m alright Jack” and desperate need to show every man you don’t need him?
You may as well wear a sign that says “P*** Off!”
We know guys want sex – of course, they do – but those that want a meaningful relationship also want to be needed. They like an independent and confident woman – someone who values herself and is not going to rely on him for everything. But if there’s no vulnerability, no human frailty, no need at all for him there, that’s not attractive.
The sad thing is that, if you want a man, it probably means you need one more than you think, as much as you might fight me on this 🙂
If you think about it, a man is much more than icing on the cake, no matter how well you are able to cope alone, no matter how good your life is. The right guy will
- offer companionship – a basic human need we all have
- be there when you come home – no rolling around in a big empty space
- provide love and romance – he may not be as romantic as the movies but he’s bound to have his moments
- be someone who cares for you more than anyone else in the world
- share responsibility for stuff that has to be done (and be in it with you when things go wrong)
- miss you when you are away
- get to know you better than anyone else and still love you
- be someone to have fun with
- provide support when you need it, a shoulder to cry on
- be there with you when you’re sick
- celebrate the good things that happen to you
- help you raise a family (if kids are on the cards)
- be a financial backup if disaster strikes
- help you feel safe – safety in numbers
- develop a level of intimacy with you that makes the best sex ever
Embrace all that – what you’re missing out on that you don’t currently admit to – and you’ll find you are automatically a bit more open to letting a great guy into your life – a normal human guy – not just Mr Perfect who only exists in fairy tales.
Just by realizing how much you are missing, you will become that little bit more vulnerable and that bit more attractive, so that when the right guy comes along, you don’t have a virtual sign plastered on your forehead screaming “Not Wanted Here!”
Over To You: Do you think it’s OK to need a man? Do you need one? Do you have friends who insist they don’t need anyone? Please share in the comments below
