Whether you’re looking for a relationship or even just a hook up, it’s a good policy to stay well away from married guys. They are bad news all round.
If you’re looking for a relationship, chances are sky high he’ll break your heart after stringing you along for years rather than leave his wife.
And if you’re not looking for anything long term, it’s no better, because fun times will be limited. Married guys are not free to do what and go anywhere they please (if they don’t want to get caught). They are never available when you need company for holidays. And it definitely won’t make you feel good about yourself to know that you have a hand in some poor woman being deceived. Imagine if you were in that position.
Just don’t get involved. There are plenty of single fish in the sea.
But how do you tell he’s married, if the douchebag doesn’t come clean?
It’s not easy to tell whether a guy is attached when you’ve only chatted to him on the Internet (and it’s not always easy even after you meet in person) so you have to be on your guard. But here are 21 signs to watch out for when you’re dating online.
Just be aware that one or two signs do not always mean he’s married, especially if there’s a plausible explanation. Look for a combination of signals and trust your intuition, because that is so often right.
He hasn’t posted his picture
He may not want his picture online because he’s shy or not confident about his looks and it may be that he just hasn’t got around to it. But it’s also highly likely that he doesn’t want to be spotted. Ditto if his picture is fuzzy or taken from adistance.
He’s on a free site
Of course not all unpaid subscribers are married, but he may be worried if he pays that his wife will spot the charges on his credit card statement.
His profile says “separated”
Separated may be only in his mind! Many married guys use “separated” as a euphemism for looking for an affair or for using online dating to make a partner jealous or exact revenge. Always ask how separated he is. Are they still living in the same place? When he is getting divorced? If they are still living together and not oficially separated – they are not separated enough for you to date him. Wait until he has at least moved out and started divorce proceedings to consider him single.
His online behavior is suspicious
If he leaves IM sessions abruptly with no real reason or can’t go online outside office hours (potentially because he’s afraid to use his computer at home) then that’s suspicious. A single guy can linger as long as he likes online and can send messages without fear of discovery from anyone.
He refuses to give you his home phone number
There may be any number of reasons for that – he may prefer to use a cellphone until he fully trusts you’re not going to turn into a stalker he can’t shake off – or he may not have a home phone. Many people don’t these days. Still, if he gives you his home number and is OK about you calling at any time (within reason), chances are he’s single.
His calls follow a pattern
Once he starts calling you, you may notice that he only contacts you at certain times of day (when he’s walking the family dog?) and he never answers his phone when you call him. He always rings you back some time later. If he can’t easily phone you on a weekend, in the early evening or in the holidays, chances are he is tied up with a family.
He wants to move fast
If he’s just looking for sex on the side then he’ll not be interested in slowly getting to know you to find out if you’re compatible. He won’t even care that much if you are. He’ll just want to meet and hook up as soon as he can. Who knows, he could be getting great vibes from you and love what you’re telling him online. On the other hand, he may not care about a thing you say and just want to get you into bed.
He always wants to meet out of town
It may just be that he has some great ideas for dates, but if he never wants to meet in his neighborhood that’s a sure sign that he’s trying to hide his dating habits from someone.
He doesn’t look like his profile picture
He didn’t want to be recognized on a dating site and so posted an old or unclear picture or even one he downloaded from Google images. He may just hate how he looks, but, either way, it’s not good news about his honesty and it’s another clue, he’s attached.
Ring marks
Even if he remembers to remove his wedding ring you might find it on his right hand or evidence of it’s removal by the marks or tan lines on his left hand.
He’s uncomfortable talking about family or past relationships
These things should just come up naturally in the course of conversation, but if he avoids the subject totally, it may be for a good reason – he has something to hide.
He doesn’t disclose personal information
Usually once you’re dating, and have got together a few times, you start being a bit more open about your full name, where you work and live etc If he doesn’t share this information with you after a few dates when you seem to be getting on well, he has something to hide for sure – and chances are it’s a wife at home.
You find him on Google
If he does share details and you have any suspicions at all, search for his name, phone number etc online and if he’s married, you’ll often find evidence of that served up on a plate.
He looks shifty
If he keeps looking around when you’re out with him (and it’s not early date nerves) then he may be worried that someone will recognize him out with you and he’s frightened of bumping into people who could tell his wife.
He never introduces you to his friends
This may be because his friends all know he’s married and he would feel like the jerk he is, if they knew. If he does introduce you, but it’s always the same couple of guy pals you get to see, then it may be that these friends are in on the secret and are happy to cover for him.
He pays in cash
If he pays for all dates in cash, even quite expensive restaurant bills, chances are he’s married and doesn’t want evidence of dates with you appearing on his credit card bill.
He looks very formal on dates
You may think he likes to make an effort for you when he always wears a suit on evening dates through the week. But wearing business dress may just be because can get away with the lie that he’s just working late at the office
He rarely stays the night
You always go back to your place and never his, but he doesn’t hang around. Guys will usually be happy to stay the night if they are single, as they have no one to go back to. It may just be that he has to be up early for work. Then again, it may be that he can only stay over when she is out of town…
He showers before he leaves
Most guys are not so worried about cleanliness that they need to have a shower before they go home. That is, unless he’s worried that he will still smell of you when he reaches home
He folds up his clothes neatly
Instead of throwing his clothes on the floor with wild abandon, he makes sure that they are neatly placed over a chair. If he’s not generally a neat freak, that’s so they look OK when he puts them back on to go home to his wife. It wouldn’t matter one jot to him, if he was just going home alone.
He’s wild in bed
It may be he’s experienced, likes a bit of kink and/or thinks he knows what women like. Then again the reason for having an affair may be that he doesn’t get a chance to be wild and kinky at home (or is scared to ask his wife – the stakes are lower with you). Just one more clue to watch out for in combination with other symptoms.
If you suspect that the guy you’re dating or talking to online is married, ask him outright. He may deny it (and be married), protest he’s really single (and really be single) or admit it. In any case, you’ll have more clues and fuel for your intuition from his reaction. If he changes the subject and is uncomfortable, you have your answer. Even if you don’t get the truth, and he’s married, he’ll know you’re onto him and that you’re nobody’s fool. And if he’s single, you can have a good laugh about it, and he can set your mind at rest by explaining a few things that have made you suspicious.
Over to you: Have you ever gone out with a married man you didn’t know was married? How did you find out the truth? Please share in the comments below
“He is wild in bed” Wonder why that one caught my eye? lol
I have definitely read the “separated” on dating profiles and know to run a mile. It is like they are trying to tell you that there is someone else in the picture. They think that saying separated isn’t really lying. Yeah, right.
Cool post Ana.
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Thanks for sharing Victoria. Yes, I think often “separated” means his wife is at home while he takes someone out. Besides even if it’s true that breakup is still at the raw stage and it’s a bad time to get involved. You’d have to ask yourself whether he was over her and whether they might end up reconciled.
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Thank you for the post Ana. I learned a lot, he had done mostly like “he hasn’t posted picture”, His profile says “separated” but actually it was widowed, He always wants to meet out of town, He’s uncomfortable talking about family or past relationships, You find him on Google, He never introduces you to his friends, He pays in cash (but he keeps showing his ATM’s), He’s wild in bed, and he always talks to me late at night. He always lie. I will remember this on my search again :))
Sorry, if you met a love rat. There are lots of lovely guys around. I wish you all the best in finding the one for you 🙂 Ana x
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