When it comes to love, our perception is often clouded by what we learn from romantic novels, movies, and gossip. Though love is rarely like the movies, it’s wonderful just the same as long as you have realistic expectations and don’t expect it to be all “sunlight and stardust”.
So what are the myths we have about love?
Happy Ever After
If you’re feeling unhappy at some point in your relationship, you might question if it’s really love. We have all grown up with the fairy-tale myth that if you truly love someone, you should be happy with him all the time once you’re together and not have a care in the world.
The reality is that there will be times when you are upset with him, and times when you won’t even want to be around each other. This doesn’t mean it’s not love, it just means that life is happening.
It might help to step back, look at the bigger picture, and assess your relationship. Chances are your unhappiness with your guy is just a passing phase, or your relationship needs some work. Neither scenario needs to signal the end.
Even if your relationship is going well, finding the love of your life is not going make everything else a bed of roses. You will still experience sadness, disappointment, and frustration just as much as if you were single. The difference is, you have someone there with you to help you through the bad times.
Madly In Love Forever
Similarly, there’s a myth that you can be madly in love with your guy forever. The problem is that the feeling of being “in love” is induced by six very powerful hormones that wear off over time – anything from six months to three years into your relationship. There will be times when you still get butterflies in your stomach, but those feelings most likely won’t be there all the time.
You have responsibilities and other areas of life to deal with, so it’s actually a good thing if you’re not on an emotional high all the time. Just because you don’t get flutters when he kisses you doesn’t mean love is dead, you could just not be in the mood right then. Just because love feels more like an ember than a raging fire right now, doesn’t mean it’s burned out. In fact, those deeper feelings are more likely to be the ones that last over the long term.
There’s Something Wrong If You Don’t Miss Him
In the beginning of your relationship, it hurts to be apart from the love of your life. Then one day, you’re at work, fully absorbed, and you realize you haven’t thought about him all day. Or maybe you are visiting family and you find you’re relaxed and not feeling any pain being away from him.
Does that mean you no longer love him? Probably not. In fact, some professionals will argue that it’s actually a sign that you’re secure in your relationship. Sure, you wish he was around, and you do miss him from time to time when he’s not there, but it’s not a nagging, painful feeling. You know you’ll see each other soon and that tides you over without becoming overly emotional.
Your Sexual Desire For Him Will Never Fade
It’s not realistic to think that your level of passion will remain as high as it was when you first started dating. In a healthy relationship, you’ll still want hot sex, dream of his touch, and want to make love, but probably not every day.
If you base your idea of love on the amount of passion in your relationship at the beginning, you are in for a bumpy ride. Your hormones, his moods, and other outside factors all play a role in how passionate you are and when.
You can’t expect every sexual encounter to blow your mind. There will be days when you just feel like cuddling on the couch with a good book or movie. That doesn’t mean love has gone, it just means you’re comfortable in expressing your love in other ways.
You Should Spend Every Moment Together
If you started your relationship wanting to spend all your time together, it might ring alarm bells if he starts wanting to go out with his friends or you with yours. Perhaps you’re falling out of love? But being in love doesn’t mean you need or want to spend every moment together. That would actually stifle and possibly kill love over time.
You should never be everything to him or he to you, no matter how romantic it sounds in the movies or love songs. You need other friends and time alone to maintain a balance in your life.
You Should Never Have Any Doubts
You wake up one morning, look over and wonder “What am I doing here?” or maybe well-intentioned family members or friends make comments about him that make you doubt if you’re really in love and if he’s really the one you want to be with.
Just because you question your relationship doesn’t mean that you’re no longer in love. No guy is going to be absolutely perfect – just as you are not perfect, so it does no harm to do some thinking about whether you can live with his imperfections or whether they will drive you up the wall over time.
Chances are you’ll realize you love him despite his flaws and that his good points more than make up for them. Of course, if you have real doubts, and he’s not right for you in some major way then you should end things, but a few minor doubts are not the end of love.
Love Is Blind
It’s true that there will be things that he does that bother others that you don’t even notice in the beginning of your relationship. Over time though – especially if you move in together, the rose colored glasses will come off and you’ll see his flaws in all their glory.
Love is not blind at all. Love sees and loves him just the same whether he leaves the toilet seat up, his socks under the coffee table or snores after a night at the office party. You’ll be irritated by his idiosyncrasies and annoying habits but you won’t stop loving him because of them.
Love Can’t Last Forever
Statistics tell us that more than half of marriages and long-term relationships don’t last, so it’s easy to feel that love can’t last and that the odds are against you. But don’t worry about statistics, they also indicate millions of relationships do work out. With a little research on the web you can read stories about couples that have been together their whole lives and you’ll see it’s possible to find the one who you will love for the rest of your life.
Don’t let the thought of so many relationships failing be an excuse not to fight for love and work things out. There will be ups and downs, but believing in love means you give it a chance to grow and thrive.
Love Is The Same As Romance
Equating love with romance means that you will feel insecure about your relationship if you’re not feeling romantic towards your man all the time or your guy is not into making romantic gestures at every turn. In every relationship, no matter how romantically inclined you both are, there will be times when either one of you is just too tired to be bothered and you have no problem sitting at home in sweats eating pizza out of a box.
Love should not be about following romantic stereotypes. It’s about connection and caring and being honest and open with each other. Of course, a little romance doesn’t go amiss now and again so you may have to make an effort to get your guy to be more romantic and even put more effort in yourself.
Be aware, there’s no correlation between love and romance the other way round either. Just because you and your man excel at romance, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s love. You could just have similar romantic tastes, but have little else in common.
It’s Up To Him
Women commonly blame their partners for not being loving or romantic enough, for not doing enough around the house, for not communicating – in short for all those things that make her fall out of love with him. There’s a common misconception that if he’s the man he needs to be, you’ll feel loving towards him. If he makes you happy, you’ll be happy. And if he falls short that could be the end of your relationship.
But love is a two-way street. You’ll have to overlook some of his flaws just like he’ll have to overlook yours. Your happiness cannot be dependent on him – you have to have your own ways of staying upbeat, even if he’s having a down day.
And if you’re not happy with how things are going in your relationship, you have equal responsibility for putting them right, not by nagging and blaming but by talking things through. Never let him take your love for granted. You get the love and care that you ask for and insist on.
Over to you: What myths about love did you grow up with? When did you find out the truth? Please share in the comments below