Most women would like to believe their man would never cheat on them, and very few men go into marriage or a relationship with the intention of straying. However, temptation is there and often the opportunity as well.
There’s really no excuse for cheating, but, given that guys are human, you may as well do all you can to help him stay faithful. Here are ten of the most common times when men might cheat so that you can be on your guard against them.
According to a multitude of studies and poll, the number one reason that men cheat is feeling unappreciated at home. It may be because you don’t appreciate him or it may be a misunderstanding on his part, but if he feels you don’t value him or appreciate all he does, he’s more likely to stray.
Help him stay faithful by making sure he knows that he’s important to you, that you value all he does, and that you wouldn’t trade him for anything. Try 3 Ways To Make Your Guy Feel Like Superman or 22 Ways To Show Your Husband You Love Him (That He Will Get) for tips.
He Knows Others Who Do It
Men who have close friends or colleagues who cheat and talk about it are more likely to cheat as well. It legitimizes the whole thing a bit, and he may use their excuses and “reasons” and make them his own just because he hears about their “adventures” all the time.
Encourage your man to make good friendships with men who have fulfilling marriages and will be a good influence on him. Organize outings with good friends who are happily married (or with those who strayed, are now separated and are miserable about it!)
He Can’t Resist Temptation
There are some men who are just weak when it comes to resisting temptation. If he has a hot co-worker who frequently flirts with him, he might just break at some point especially if there is alcohol involved, an overnight stay and you are not there, for example at a sales convention or training course.
Try not to marry one of these guys in the first place, but if it’s too late for that, get to know as many of his co-workers as you can and befriend them so they are less likely to ignore the fact he’s married and he’s less likely to stray for fear of word getting back to you.
If a guy is bored, he’s more vulnerable to the excitement offered by an affair. Yet day to day life can tend to get a bit routine for everyone. This is something that seems to hit guys in middle age, in particular. It’s a kind of feeling “Is this all there is?” and a compulsion to sow more oats while he still can.
Always have something planned that you are both looking forward to, something in the next week like a date night to somewhere new or to a movie he wants to see, something in the next month like a party to go to or a mini-break, and something in the next year like a foreign trip. Then if life is dull today, at least he can’t see his days stretching out ahead with nothing on the horizon. (That’s good for your morale too!)
Boredom In The Bedroom
If your love life is boring, it makes any kind of affair a huge attraction. Sex with someone new is exciting even if nothing else changes.
I know it takes two to make things boring, but it only takes one to get the idea to spice things up to change all that, so there’s no excuse! Ask him what he’d like in bed, and encourage him to try new things that you’d like to try that he doesn’t dare ask about. Have fun creating a sexy bucket list together and then make those things happen or play some games. If you’re not sure how to begin this conversation, see How To Talk About Sex.
Being Denied Sex
This one is rather obvious, though many women still refuse to admit it. If you use sex as a reward and deny him sex when you’re mad at him, or “never feel like it,” don’t be surprised if he wants to get his needs met outside of his relationship with you.
Don’t use sex as a reward or lack of sex as a punishment. Work through your relationship issues together and leave them outside the bedroom door. And if your libido is low, work on that rather than thinking it’s just something you have to put up with. You might be able to put up with it, but he might not.
Not Interested in You
If you’re happy to have sex, but he seems to have lost interest in it, that doesn’t always make him exempt from the temptation to cheat. It could just be that he’s that way at home, but that his libido goes sky high when he’s elsewhere.
Find out why he has low sex drive and see what you can do to keep him excited at home. A counselor or doctor can help with this. While it might feel embarrassing to bring the subject up, it’s better than waiting for him to stray and then trying to work things out. See If He’s Not Interested In You for more on this.
If he has to be on an extended trip, the chances of him cheating go up.
Do what you can to keep him grounded by keeping in regular contact. With modern technology, keeping in touch is not difficult. Be there for him when he wants to Skype and be willing to get sexy with him, telling him things he’d like to hear and letting him know how much you miss him and look forward to all the great things you’ll do when he gets back.
When There’s Booze Involved
While not an excuse, alcohol can often play a role in lack of control. If your man tends to have lapses in judgment when he drinks, he should avoid drinking in situations where he could be brought into temptation.
There’s not much you can do to stop a grown man drinking when he’s not with you though, not that I’ve ever managed to work out anyway. So just hope that you’ve done enough to stop him being tempted in other ways and he’s less likely to give in to temptation while drunk.
When you have a child, especially your first, you’re busy with the baby, often tired, and not able to give him the full attention he’s had before. He feels left out, stressed by all the new responsibilities in your lives, and sex is off the menu for weeks. That’s a toxic cocktail for many marriages.
Make sure you communicate how much he means to you in the early weeks and in any periods where kids make you too tired to give him a lot of your attention. Make sure you don’t wear yourself out with family life (for example organizing activities for your kids every night after school), so that you’re not too worn out for him.
Note From Ana: If my husband is reading this (which incidentally he never does as far as I know but just in case), I’d just like to say DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT USING ANY EXCUSE AT ALL, TOP TEN OR NOT!
Over to you: Have you had guys cheat on you in the past? Do you think there’s any excuse for cheating? Please share in the comments below.