There was a study done back in 2000 of over 75,000 couples and they found that the average time that each pair spent communicating with each other about themselves was only two minutes a day.
I wonder if it’s even less these days with the prevalence of tablets, smartphones and multi-channel cable on demand.
The two minutes that the couples logged did not include chatting about the news or the kids or what’s for supper, that you might think of as “talking to each other.”
It was supposed to be actual communication about things that happened to you or about things that are important to you personally as an individual or as a couple.
I know we are as guilty as anyone else of not communicating as much as we could. In fact, I’m trying to think of when we last had more than two minutes that wasn’t about the house or the kids. To my shame, I think that was the beginning of May when hubby took a day off and we went out for lunch together!
I spend all the time on my PC clattering away on my keyboard writing or having important conversations with others online about their lives. (I know, ironic isn’t it?) My husband has his soccer on TV and, failing that, his smartphone.
I ask about his day when he comes in from the office. He asks about mine. (That is probably where our current two minute allocation comes in!) At some point in the evening, we snuggle up on the sofa and catch up on the House of Cards on Netflix, or some TV show we want to watch. It’s all very loving and cozy, but we probably don’t talk that much about important stuff.
It may be something to do with being married so long and thinking that we know everything about each other by now. But I’m aware that you can never know everything about another person. And it’s dangerous to think we do.
I know we could be doing better at this, so I’m setting myself a challenge. Starting this weekend (I was going to say tonight but I’m going out to a friend’s house without him so it’s not a good start) I’m going to make sure the time we spend talking together increases by a minute a day every week until it’s at least ten minutes.
I’m not sure what I’m going to talk about or even how I’m going to time it (or how I’m going to get him away from the TV and Smartphone!) I’ll just have to think about that.
Over to you:How much do you talk to your partner about things that matter to you as a couple and as individuals? Have you ever tried to increase how much you talk? Do you have any tips for the rest of us? Please share in the comments below.
I’m lucky that both my wife and I work from home, so we get to talk A LOT! I think we’re propping up the national average!
Scott recently posted…We All Get a Little Wired Up Sometimes
Thanks for sharing, Scott. It’s good to hear that some couples are getting this right. Even when my husband has the occasional day working at home, he’s on his computer and I’m on mine in different rooms (because he takes a lot of calls) though we do then get together for lunch.
Ana recently posted…Marriage Tip: Are You Doing Too Much?
That’s an alarming statistic that is probably frighteningly true. I’m afraid I’m guilty of it too. We get so involved with our lives that we don’t take time out to connect! Something I’m working on!
Tamsin recently posted…It’s OK To Start Over Again
I know Tamsin, it is alarming, isn’t it? No wonder there are so many couples getting divorced. I just hope he doesn’t take fright when I say we need to talk more 🙂
Ana recently posted…Alternative Date Night To Keep Passion Alive
My hubby and I definitely make time to talk to each other every day. The ability to tell each other our thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to us. We both believe that a good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car.
“Like oil to a car” I like that! Thanks for sharing Gena.
Ana recently posted…Fabulous And Seductive
What a super simple idea…and terrifying at the same time! Terrifying because the only time we talk about our feelings a round here, we end up arguing. Still, it’s worth a shot!
Jess Woods recently posted…Spring Clean Your Finances