They say that true love lasts forever, but even when you’re both convinced you found “the one”, love can die for one or both of you almost overnight. Was it real love? Why did it end?
As every situation is different, no one can give a definitive answer to why love dies in every case but there are some reasons which may help explain things.
It Was Chemistry Not Love
One answer is that it wasn’t really love to begin with. Or if it was, it wasn’t the “last forever” kind of love. When people initially get together, the hormones, excitement, and the feelings of euphoria can often give the impression that it’s love.
While you might feel ecstatically happy for some time, infatuation and orgasmic highs will eventually die out, whether or not it’s not true love. That can be anything from six months into your relationship but usually lasts eighteen months to three years. If it’s going to last, that initial euphoria will gradually be replaced by something deeper.
Deep love is built on respect, trust, and a mutual understanding of each other. These things generally take time to build and shouldn’t be confused with the first flush of love. Sometimes you find you don’t even like each other when the initial hormone-induced mist clears away.
You Didn’t Feed The Flame
Like a flame in a fire, love needs to be fed. You can’t expect to go about your busy lives, each of you so wrapped up in work, other commitments, and hobbies that you neglect to spend quality time with each other to “work on your relationship”.
Working on your relationship doesn’t sound like fun, but it doesn’t need to be as rigid as it sounds. It just means talking together, making sure you’re both still heading in the same direction with your lives, and of course spending time being romantic and passionate together – as well as just having a good time in each other’s company. It means consistently reminding yourself and each other with words and actions how much you love each other.
Keep the fire burning by investing time and effort to keep it alive.
Sometimes love will die because you’ve both moved in different directions. You no longer want the same things and you’ve grown apart because your lives have gone a different way than you thought they would when you first fell in love.
Perhaps there was something that stimulated your feelings of love that no longer exists. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything that either of you did wrong. It’s just that one of you has moved on (or you both have) and you’re not able to love each other romantically in the same way you once did.
Some loves are not meant to be forever because you discover your values and standards are different and you want different things from life.
If you experience love for a short time, like a flash that is here and then gone, you’ll feel sad that love died, but take those wonderful memories of being in love and tuck them away until the initial sadness has gone, then you can treasure them along with all the other good things in your life. You’re no worse off for having loved someone, however briefly.
Rest assured, if your love started with a tidal wave of emotion, that it IS possible to fall in love at first sight and retain those wonderful feelings your whole life. It doesn’t have to die, just because the chemistry was extreme in the beginning. If your love has a solid base of compatibility and you take steps to keep the love alive, it can last forever. That’s not to say, that it will always be at a constant level.
Like a fire, there might be times when the flames burn strong and large, and other times when your love is like a warm ember that keeps going through the dark night. You’ll still feel the warmth from it and if you add fuel to it, that flame can burn brightly again.
You can’t base your feelings of love for your man only on how you feel at any one time. You might be feeling less loving today for any number of reasons, but maybe tomorrow those feelings will be more intense.
Don’t worry prematurely, if you feel like your love is burning low sometimes. Give it attention and time. It’s up to you to see if you can blow on the embers, add fuel, and see if the fire starts again. See this series on How to bring back the spark in your relationship for some things you can do to bring the passion alive again.
But it may be that you look at your relationship and realize you’ve grown apart and that you each want something different for your lives. The question you have to ask yourself is if it something permanent that will drive you apart.
It may be that you could accommodate each other’s dreams with love and understanding. It may be that one of you feels constricted by the relationship and unable to achieve an ambition and it’s affecting your relationship.
Do all you can to take away the restrictions because feeling smothered can kill love stone dead. In these circumstances, a trial separation may even work. The grass is not always greener in a different direction and a free spirit let loose may well bound right back to you.
Over to you: Have you ever fallen out of love with someone you were convinced was “the one”? What were the reasons that your love died? Did that leave you free for someone who was right for you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below