Why Smart Women Turn Off Men

There has long been a myth that men are put off by smart, successful, intelligent women. Perhaps some men are intimidated, but most men who are smart, intelligent and successful themselves want a partner who is on their level and don’t even mind if she is more successful than they are.

Don't Try To Be Superwoman On DatesBut the fact remains that more successful smart women than you might expect stay single, and it’s not because they are too busy or “there are no good men out there”. If that is what they say, they are probably just making excuses.

What does happen is that many women who spend their days being dynamic and living in the world of work competing and interacting with men find it hard to switch over into a more feminine style of interacting in a social context.


Many successful women never show guys they have a softer, more receptive side that he is looking for in a life partner. After all, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with an ambitious co-worker. He wants to be in a relationship with a woman.

If this applies to you, you no doubt have a softer more vulnerable side which you have learned to keep well hidden because the more feminine traits, such as caring, nurturing and receiving, don’t get so well received in the hard still masculine-dominated world of work.

In the video below, Dating Coach DeAnna Lorraine explains

  • how men need to feel needed and that they are contributing something to the relationship and making a difference in a woman’s life
  • that there needs to be enough difference (“sexual polarity”) between the two of you for him to feel attraction
  • that when you’re an independent woman who can do everything for herself, you’re giving off lots of signals with your body language and with the things you say that you’re resistant to anything he has to offer.
  • that these signals can be as simple as insisting on splitting the tab and opening doors for yourself but they demonstrate that you don’t see any place for him in your life.

Note from Ana: I’d hate to think we would have to go back to a time when a woman had to pretend to be less intelligent or less successful than a guy, to make herself seem more attractive.

From the ages of 11 to 18, I went to a girls’ day school that was founded on the basis of allowing girls to excel in an all-female environment so they weren’t tempted to hold back in the presence of the males of the species!

Some women still do that to this day, but it’s really not necessary. You can always find ways to make him feel like superman without dumbing yourself down! And there are also four ways to show him your more feminine side in this article.

Over to you: Does this idea of women demonstrating their more feminine side on dates make sense to you? Have you had any experience of this? Please share in the comments below.

Image Credit: © Depositphotos.com/hjalmeida

8 Responses to “Why Smart Women Turn Off Men”

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  1. Bonnie Gean says:

    This makes perfect sense because I had a problem finding someone I could connect to based on the same reasons explained in DeAnna Lorraine’s video.

    Thankfully, I learned to turn off the “business mind” and eventually connected with someone, but this isn’t always the case for other women.

    It’s sad to think that the ladies are stuck being alone because they don’t know how to turn off the working (male) mentality in order to connect with a more feminine approach. PRACTICE ladies because your sexy is in there somewhere.

    On a date is the best place to let it shine! 🙂
    Bonnie Gean recently posted…Three Items Completed for Reclaiming My Health

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for sharing Bonnie. We have all worked so hard to gain that independence and success mentality that it becomes difficult to switch it off when we need to. “On a date is the best place to let your sexy self shine” – love that!
      Ana recently posted…First Step To A Great Relationship

  2. Carissa Pelletier says:

    Great tips! It’s important to consider both perspectives on the same situation. It’s interesting that even the actions you take during a dinner out could give a strong message to the other party.

    • Ana says:

      Thanks for your comment Carissa. Yes, it’s funny that even the smallest actions and gestures are taken as signs of how a future relationship might go. The impression you give may or may not be right, but you may never get a chance to prove it one way or the other.
      Ana recently posted…Three Little Things From My Week

  3. Laurel Regan says:

    I agree – I truly hope we never have to go back to that time! Great post – thanks for sharing.
    Laurel Regan recently posted…Today’s Gratitude List – Linkup No. 34

  4. Jan Kearney says:

    That’s so true! Back when I worked for a living, I worked for close to 20 years in very male dominated industries. I opened my own doors thank you very much, I didn’t need no man to look after me. It scared the bejesus out of some lol
    While the whole “I am superwoman and need no man” thing wasn’t the reason my marraige ended (whole other story that one), it hit me much later that men need to feel manly and needed. Perhaps if I realised that years earlier then the whole sorry mess could have been avoided.
    Jan Kearney recently posted…Fear Disguised As Practicality

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