I think I failed miserably at the very beginning with my communication challenge yesterday.
As luck would have it I chose a day to start when there were two apparently important soccer matches on TV (both the English and Scottish cup finals) and he had to cut the grass all around the house, a job he hates at the best of times, so he wasn’t much in the mood for a chat or for going out for a walk, my usual ploy when I want to chat.
But it got me thinking not just about the two minute chat thing but about the general amount of time and attention that we pay to our most important relationships.
Does the chance of a chat with me come somewhere after soccer and grass-cutting?
I wasn’t going to take the risk of being annoyed by asking him.
He would probably say he could chat to me any time anyway and that he chats to me all the time. But by now, I know where his priorities lie when I’m not in any kind of immediate danger of absconding or exploding. I reckon I’m above grass cutting but I try not to come between him and his passion for soccer!
Anyway, I thought we could all do with knowing what kind of priority we are giving our partners (or potential partners), so I put together the following questions.
- Has your schedule been taken over by obligations to others and not to each other?
- Are you giving your most important relationship enough time and attention?
- In what ways are you falling short and why?
- Is your partner quite tolerant of that or is he feeling that he is way down on your priority list?
- If he’s tolerant are you abusing his good nature?
- Are you getting to be more like roommates sharing home and finances than lovers?
- How could you spend more quality time together? (for example, alternative date night or more usual kind of date nights!)
- Are you so over-committed in the rest of your life that you are leaving yourself no time to find or be with someone special?
- If you are over-committed, are you happy that you’re giving that part of your life such a low priority?
- If you’re not planning to be single forever, when are you going to make changes in your life to give finding someone a priority?
I am still pondering the answers, wondering about whether I need to do more (because we are pretty happy already and I don’t want to start rocking boats.) I’m also thinking about how I could possibly do more if I decide we should.
Over to you: Whether the questions made you think that you would like things to change, or decide that you’re doing just fine, please share your thoughts in the comments below.
I am not married but I am living with my partner and he’s lovely! Our time is mainly divided between each other and our children, his job and our personal interests. He also is a huge football fan! Yesterday was the FA cup final and no one shall talk to him while it’s on! I hate football for this very reason lol. If we are out we must come home for football it drives me insane. He’s also a huge computer gamer and we’ve come close to breaking up in the past because he was putting his game before me and the kids. He thinks differently to me, I worry about everything and he is very laid back. He does do lots of house work and helps out with the kids way more than other dads I know. I guess I do take a bit of advantage of that! But he takes advantage of me in other ways such as the cooking and the majority of the housework. I would say that we live well together but he does do a lot that annoys me. We spend our evenings together which is nice but lately our intimacy has been lacking 🙁
candy recently posted…Day 2
Thanks for sharing Candy. I don’t think that pattern is unusual but it’s good to be aware of it so you can stop things sliding further. It would be good to talk to him about this when you can get him away from the TV and the video console and let him know that you miss being intimate with him. See if you can get him to agree to a date night out and an alternative date night in.
Ana recently posted…How To Flirt With Your Husband
It’s never easy.. We have 3 young kids and one older teen.. It’s hard just to get 5 mins alone.. Even when we are in bed we are both pretty knackered after wearing the kids out in the day. Yet sometimes you need to cause a ripple in the cycle so you can have some alone time.. We all need it sometimes.
WILLIAM OTOOLE recently posted…out of the mouth of babes
Thanks for your comment William and sorry it took me a couple of days to approve. I was just going through 400 SPAM comments and deleting them when I came across it. I can imagine what that’s like. My kids are 7 years apart in ages so we always had two at different stages but an older teen and young kids at the same time can’t be easy as when the babies go to bed the teen is still up and vice versa. The only thing I would suggest is a lock on the door and training them (once they are old enough to stay in another room without being in mortal danger) that parents need alone time, not to be disturbed except in an emergency 🙂
Ana recently posted…Relationship Success – Depth Not Duration